Help - 3yrs 8 month DD doesn’t want to toilet train!

[TheDrswife]

As in - refuses to use the toilet. I’ve been putting off and putting off the training because she just didn’t seem ready and everyone told me to wait and she’d suddenly get it. She hasn’t. I decided just to go for it as it’s summer hols now (she’s in a term time nursery) and it’s hot so no clothes/t-shirt only is fine. We have toilets set up for her to use, I prompt often to see if she wants to go but she’s quite happy weeing/pooing on the floor 😩. Then this morning she refused to take her night time nappy off (obviously removed anyway) saying that she still wants a nappy.

We’ve tried sticker charts, sheer bribery 😂, she comes in with us when we use the toilet so she’s perfectly familiar with the function of one. I think she’s a bit too big for a potty now and tbh I’d rather train straight to toilet.

Does anyone have any advice?? Do I stop again and try in a couple/few weeks? Or just push on through and hope she changes her mind?

You are in charge.
No choice here.
Bribery. Positive reinforcement when she uses toiket. Ipad to watch while on toilet whatever it takes
Keep going.

You stay in all day all week for however long it takes. No going to park etc until she uses toilet

No don’t stop. I was also told to wait until 3yrs old but, in hindsight, I think it was too late as DS was old enough to know he preferred the nappies! He got there though but he didn’t like it.
I would definitely persevere now, just push through. She is too young to know the benefits and so the decision is yours not hers.

I had similar with my son, in terms of the refusal. We sat on the toilet for over a hour. I sat with him, reading a book, he had his iPad. It wasn’t an option to come off the toilet. When he did his first wee, it wasn’t intentional by him, but I made a huge fuss of him, praised him, added a sticker to his chart. Once he’d done it once and realised how easy it was, he cracked it genuinely straight away.

I felt cruel putting him on the toilet for so long, but his avoidance as so strong, I had no other choice. Cruel to be kind, as they say.

Thanks everyone, you’ve all confirmed my thinking. This is a nightmare! My two older dds were so easy in comparison!

If you put underwear on her (or those nappies that don’t soak anything up, so they can feel wet) is she bothered then? I Suppose she can walk away from it on the floor, but if it’s inconveniencing her she might feel different? What if you make her help clean up too - obviously not really, and probably only for pee even then. But give her a cloth and once you’re done cleaning make her go over that patch to help clean up? That way it’s annoying for her and it might be less fun to do.

can you get toilet steps and make a huge deal of how grownup she is, fancy princess (or whatever she’s into) hand soap for after she’s done and a wall chart to stick stickers on? And some potty training books to talk her through it or a play date with a potty trained friend that she may want to be like?

I think I’d just do what you can whilst you make a plan, then I’d probably get up one
day and announce whatever overhaul to the plan that I’d decided
I don’t think I’d stop again though because then she’ll always just think she’s got to ride out a few days and then she can do what she wants

Waiting until they hopefully decide to do it themselves is not great advice for many children.

I'd go back to basics, toilet boot camp. Stay at home for a week, give her loads to drink, lots of bribes for wee/poo in the right place.

God no don't stop, you've already left it quite late and its much harder the later you are. You don't ask if she needs a wee, just take her for a wee "finish this program then we're going for a wee and to the park" "finish your lunch then we'll have a wee and get the crayons out." "All done, great, toilet time, lets go.". And I wouldn't fight or force but I would just carry to the bathroom if they won't go. The same you carry them to bed or to the car when they won't leave the park. It's time to go, you can walk nicely or I'll carry you. we wouldn't leave the bathroom until DS had been and I'd just sit and wait, not really paying attention to him. It's boring and they learn to just get on with it than waste play time. Especially if the wasted time has consequences, like less time a the park or needing to leave softplay straight away because they've wasted play time. Go the toilet say have a wee and we can go play for 10 more minutes, quick though or we won't have time.

I don't see the point of bribery for using the toilet. It's an essential thing you don't get rewarded for it. I don't do rewards for brushing teeth, having a bath, washing hands etc I don't think it does kids well to learn that they should be rewarded for basic requirements. That's how you end up with a bloke thinking he deserves sex because he hoovered up imo.

It's just a clear boundary. You're a big girl, big girls don't wear nappies, they use the toilet.

When she makes a mess on the floor she cleans it up. Normal consequences, we clean up after ourselves. You spill a drink you clean it up. You get your toys out you put them away. Etc etc. you pee on the floor, oh oops, heres some kitchen roll, wipe it up, I'll go get some spray while you do that. With the poo I'd clean up the big bit then give her the wipes to wipe the floor. It's your poo, you need to clean it up, here I'll help you. Next time lets poop in the toilet, much easier to clean up isn't it.

It's not about punishment or rewards. It's just this is life, life is easy when we do this, life is hard when we do that.

So, you know what you're doing. Crack on & don't look back.

You need to bribe her to sit on the toilet regularly rather than asking her. Asking is stage two. Stage one; regular visits to the toilet (small bribe to get her on there and big bribe for her to actually wee/poo there).

Dd was the same - it took 3 weeks of battle with her - screaming at times she wanted a nappy! We got there eventually with chocolate buttons and lots of perseverance and wet pants. I found pants were better as she didn’t like the wet feeling and she would have to go and get clean and change them too so it got in the way of what he was doing. She did realise eventually it was quicker to use the potty!! Good luck - I look back on it as the summer of hell 🤣

Replace her nappies with old school Terry towelling ones with plastic overpants .

before disposable nappies most children were potty trained before they were 2 as they were so uncomfortable for children and hard work for mums.