What are your post exam teens up to?

[AngelaTwinklePaws]

I have a DD (18) who is post A Level and a DS (16) who is post GCSE. They have obviously been finished for a while now. DH and I both work FT although we are WFH 3 days a week.

DS did not put the work in for GCSE. He has a part-time job and he's working every day for around 6 hours. He has some local mates and when he's not working he's generally playing Xbox or football on the park with them. He's not hugely productive but we knew when his job started he'd be quite busy and that's fine.

DD worked incredibly hard for her A Levels. We let her get on with it and put no pressure on her to do anything else. Her room was disgusting but we let everything go as she was super stressed. Since she has finished she has spent most of her time partying - she has been on two holidays with friends. She has a v part-time job so does shifts when she can but there's not a lot available. She came home from the last holiday on Wednesday. I've given her a few days to recover but she seems to have a significant case of bed rot. She's not doing anything unless it involves her friends or her phone. I've just told her enough is enough. She needs to get up, sort her room out and be a bit more proactive in actually doing something. I can't bear slovenliness and this is where she is heading. It's driving me mad. Unless she starts to show some willing to move a bit more, I will be removing the phone (which we pay for).

If you have post exam dc. What are they up to and are you having to prod them to do anything? I need to know how to motivate DD without going nuclear about the inaction.

Thanks

I have a daughter that worked hard for her A levels too. Is yours going to uni soon? If so i would cut her a bit of slack and she is working. I wouldn't take her phone off her and can you not do some nice things together, lunch trips out etc?

I read once your child hits 18 after that then you will only spend about a year together for rest of your life so time is important together now.

Gosh that's really sad!

Yes she is planning on Uni. We do have nice things planned too - we've got two family holidays in the next month.

I don't expect her to be writing a novel or running a marathon but I do have an expectation that the basics will be fulfilled. Everything is grubby and messy. Just cleaning her room would be a start!

What exactly do you want her to do? She will be off to Uni soon, so I'd cut her some slack this summer. And no, you can't punish an 18 year old by removing their phone.

Would you really take DD’s phone from her OP? That seems a bit childish surely? I mean, yes she should tidy her room and clean up ( if it’s bad) but soon she will be off to university and that will be the start of her next chapter in life, independent of you.

Well that all sounds good! I do understand about the room as it grates me too, but I would chose your battles and just make sure that nothing unpleasant is left or growing in there 😂 for the short time she is at home before uni. Once she has gone to uni then you can decide what to do with the room. Enjoy your hols together!

I want her to pick up the rubbish from her floor and empty her bin. I'd like her to put the clothes away that I've washed and folded. I'd like her to change her bed sheets. I'd like her to put her dirty washing in a basket. Nothing too taxing.

I'd also like her to go for a walk/do some exercise. Read a book. Maybe ask for some shifts. Offer to help with dinner/walk the dogs/hoover. Show some kind of interest in something other than her phone. Anything really, I don't care what it is.

I have twins who have just done their GCSEs. They have been out and about constantly since exams finished. Watching the football, hosting friends at our house, going to friends houses, seeing their cousins. They both do a sport to a high level so they have continued to train and compete, seasons are coming to an end but they will continue to train over the summer, DD also coaches at her sport so that’s her part time job.

DS has been messing about a lot with friends but he has a job for 3 weeks in August working at a holiday camp so I don’t mind him having some freedom now.

We are going on holiday next week and again at the end of August, we’ve been camping after the exams with them as well. They’re going to Reading too.

We've asked them to clear out GCSE papers and old school books from their rooms which they’ve been doing, and to help out a bit more round the house now that they have time and DH and I are super busy with work at the moment. This has taken a bit of nagging but we’re getting there.

When work’s a bit quieter in August I plan to spend time with them watching some new shows and films, we’ve got theatre tickets booked, and we’ll do a few outings into London etc. I want to spend time with them while I can! Well also do a bit of life skill stuff that I want to make sure they can do - a bit more cooking, domestic jobs etc. they’ll help their grandparents out with a few jobs and I’ll also encourage them to start preparing for the start of A levels - work out what books and equipment they need, etc.

So with all that I think they’re pretty busy and summer is passing by quickly.

A friend of mine said his DS16 has been gaming in his room every day since the exams finished, and coming out at 11pm for food. I’m very grateful mine have got a bit more than that going on.

mylifeisexams
DD was playing sport at a high level but it took a back seat this last year and she has done nothing for a couple of months. It's such a change. She has reduced grades for Uni based on this and has been invited to pre-season so I do feel she needs to pull her finger out a bit.

i could have written your first paragraph!

That’s great OP - maybe she just needs a break from it? She’ll probably find she needs to get back in shape for pre season so will probably realise this herself in a few weeks?

DS is alternatively sleeping until 3pm or getting up at the crack of dawn and driving 2-3 hrs to go hiking all over Peak District, lakes, north Wales. He’s out 4-5 nights a week at pubs and gigs or round at friends. There’s usually a sleepover here once a week too.

Hes not working as he’s away for 4 weeks after next week and couldn’t find anyone who would take him on short term.

He worked so hard for A levels, and he’ll never have another chilled out summer like this. He’s very happy and I love seeing him like this.

I get you, OP.

I wouldn’t take the phone off her (that’s where she will find out about shifts and plans with friends) but I wouldn’t do her washing for her, I would think about getting her to cook a meal or two a week etc - she will need to cook at uni.

Working any extra hours she can and going out; on the days she isn’t working I ask her to do certain jobs. It would annoy me to come home to the dishwasher full etc when I’ve worked all day and she hasn’t but other than that I’m ok with her enjoying a summer of freedom (that isn’t bank rolled by me)

Yes this is what’s been annoying me - really busy at a stressful job until things calm down in August, an hour commute to the city each way, get home to a sink full of dishes and teens lazing about - absolutely lost my shit! Good kids really but it needs hammering home to them.