Bigger house or closer school?

[Tealavender]

We currently live in a 3-bed property in a quiet street. We would love to upgrade to 4 bedrooms and an extra living space.

Have seen a local property which we really like and it fits the specs. However, it means we go from my DD being able to independently walk to school to having to take her to and from in the car for several more years. We have been looking for a long time for something that DH and I both like, so not simply a case of waiting a short time for the next option.

What to do??!!

This really seems like an unfortunate thing to be actively planning to do, when she can currently walk...

This is a tricky one. I wouldn't suggest doing anything with someone's bedroom just because they have gone to uni. My DC are home for 3 months of summer, and several other chunks of the year, including the odd last minute overnight visit for birthdays or big events.

The period left at primary is interesting though. As I said up thread there can only be 3 years left, which would be 2 and a half years by the time any move happened. I would look at dropping and collecting DD away from school so parking isn't an issue. A pub near our primary offers their car park for parents to meet their DC in or drop them off.

I agree, in fact I did this.

I would stay where you are

Not even putting a desk in there?

I only visited my parents for a week at a time maximum once I'd left for uni - I worked in my university city during the holidays.

We use my eldest's room sometimes, she still has her bed and all her stuff in there but it's a big room and she doesn't mind us using it, we wouldn't mess about with her things!

I agree I wouldn't remodel the room and replace the bed with a sofa bed - it's horrible and unwelcoming when parents do that to an only semi fledged student offspring, but putting a desk in the room to ise during the day when they're away doesn't seem too much of a rejection! The room doesn't need to be a shrine when they're elsewhere for 10-14 week stretches if not longer!

I see your point and agree about the big changes but I still wouldn't do anything for now. My room was still my room at my parents until I got my first job and flat after uni. We are doing the same for our DC. As I said one has 3 months home over summer so we couldn't use his room if we wanted to.

What if you didn't pick her up from school? What if you met her near a friend's house? Parking might be easier slightly further away and if you aren't getting out the car, you might be able to pull up somewhere you couldn't park. Especially if you can drive along her route and pick her up however far she has got.

Strangely, the thing that is making me feel better about this thread is the divided responses! It seems fairly evenly split on which way to go, so seems like I am not mad for going to and fro on this decision!

So no regrets?

I think it’s extremely common to move back home after uni now. Plus uni holidays are 5 months a year, we found we actually needed more space once our DC got older.
What was important to us was journey to a decent secondary school and proximity to a bus stop.
I wouldn’t make a decision based on on primary school when your DC will only have 2.5 years left there by the time it takes to move.
If your house isn’t even on the market it’s likely someone who is able to proceed will come along and buy the one you want.

None, I had one funny year where school drop offs were a bit of a thing but but that was the decision I made.

We then did another move when my much younger DC were tweens/young teens to an even nicer house.

I'm looking at it from the perspective of someone who lives in an area where the majority of kids live too far away from their nearest primary school to walk, so the school run wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

If its just the younger dd at primary then I really wouldn't worry and move to the bigger home. She'll have finished primary before you know it, and they can't walk themselves there alone until year 5 really (unless it's very very close). If the new house works just as well for all their secondary years then go for it (on the proviso you can literally physically do the school runs eith work etc, as she will obviously need to be at school!)

Depending on the uni, you'd only be able to use the desk for about half the year. Oxbridge do 8 week terms (3 terms a year), so 24 weeks at uni and 28 weeks at home (when desk can't be used) and of course that's an extreme but a lot just do 10 week terms and then they also have a reading week mid term, when students can go home too. It's not even about when they return home after uni, when they're at uni they are hardly ever bloody there!! Also what if they don't actually go to uni, or do a gap year, or drop out etx etc - it's a risk

I’d agree you can’t count on being able to annex a uni student DC’s room for WFH - more and more stay at home and go to a local one, or don’t go at all, or come home every weekend for PT jobs they already had, and many that don’t do any of those things do come home for all the long holidays. I used DS’s desk occasionally for zoom meetings when he was away but couldn’t have relied on it for work. He is back home full time post-graduation and my uni student DD seems to be here as much as she is at uni.

To be honest, although I am generally VERY much in favour of being in walking distance of school, if the driving doesn’t affect your job and you are willing to do it, you could make it work, from friends experience recently it could take a very long time to sell your house and buy this one if it’s still available so it might only be for a couple of years.

I think having a local school trumps a bigger house. You can’t underestimate children having friends nearby who go to the same school, especially when it comes time for transitioning to high school.

If you are talking about primary would you consider moving schools?
My eldest went to a rural school that virtually everyone had to drive to. When we moved we asked my youngest and he was ok with moving schools. He moved to the village school and it is lovely how he can independently walk to school and call for his friends.
However primary is very temporary they make a completely new set of friends at secondary so if the secondary is the same situation at either house then I would go for it

We had this same problem when our youngest Dd was still in primary school. In the end, we did move to the bigger house and it proved to be the right decision as we stayed there for 20 years! It was a bit of a pain having to drive to school but it wasn't an insurmountable problem.

In her last year of primary she used to walk half way home on her own and I would meet her at a designated spot, so at least she got a little bit of independence before starting secondary school, and could walk some of the way with her friends. Would this work for your dd?

For secondary school it was actually a bonus moving as we nearer to the school than we were in our previous house.

Spend the money you’d be soendingt on moving, on an extension?