Is 'shushing' another adult rude?

[BillieWiper]

I have a family friend, who in many ways is quite similar to me in that she's quite talkative in comfortable social situations. I personally have ADD or whatever they call it now. I've known this friend for decades. She's older though, more closer to my mum's age.

Today we went to lunch, four of us. Everything was fine until during the conversation she shushed me. Like just cut off what I was saying and loudly use that hissing dismissive 'shush!' noise.

I was shocked and straight away said I won't be shushed and it was rude.
She turned to me with her eyes wide and angry looking saying 'well what do you expect me to do when I think you're talking too much?'
I said I don't know but shushing people is rude and I don't accept it.
To me conversation is fluid and someone might be talking more or less, but then the other person just says what they want to say and there's no need for adults to say they think someone is 'talking too much'.

When the others went to the toilets she admitted I wasn't even talking too much and she was just used to doing it to her adult son. And she apologized. All was fine but it made me think.

So to me 'shush' is always rude in normal adult conversation.

Wondering what others think?

YANBU. But she apologised so don't overthink it.

Yes it is rude

It's rude. I'd have been very pissed off with her.

I would shush someone who was talking through a film or play.

I want to shh someone when they're talking too much - but I bite my tongue!

It's rude, but so is dominating a conversation. Perhaps you both need to reflect.

I don’t think it’s always rude actually, it’s more nuanced. Our manager shushes people who talk in meetings and I love that he does this so we can all listen and pay attention to what we’re here for (and leave sooner without all the endless questions from people who didn’t listen). It really frustrates other people when one person is monologuing and no one else gets a word in edgeways. I was shushed at a funeral once and it was a fair cop - I was off my tits on medication due to the loss, and ended up wittering.

Not just rude, it's hurtful. My friend shushed me about 9 months ago and I'm still hurt thinking about it. Just the two of us in conversation, because I was being "too much". I was being my usual self. Oh well 🤷‍♀️

Id be fucked off that she embarrassed you in front of everyone and apologised privately!!!

And yes, she was rude to shush you.
She should have apologised in front of everyone.

It’s rude and rather confrontational to shush another adult! I don’t think many people would risk that in public.

However, it can feel frustrating and overwhelming if someone is dominating the conversation and not letting anyone else get a word in edgeways.

It was rude, but she explained and apologised so I would move on now.

She didn't apologise in front of the others, though; she waited until they had gone to the loo.

Friends can shush (or whatever) each other but it's usually done with a sense of humour. That's the difference.

Thanks everyone so far for replies.

I get someone saying I am partly to blame in that I am quite talkative. But I was brought up to accept people who talk lots or not much and convo just has a way of evening itself out in good social cohesion. But you don't shush or declare another 'talks too much'.

Yeah there's no hard feelings with her. As I said, she's very chatty herself so it's almost like she wants to fill the airspace and it's a competition. But I'm not like that. And I'm a very good guest and host who always listens and engages with everyone. I hope! Haha.

Yeah it's true she acted different until the others went to the bathroom!

That only works if the over talker recognises it and listens to others 🤣. Nothing worse than having to contribute little because you don’t get an opening and then on top to think the person walked away thinking it was a natural conversation

but it is rude to shush in that circumstance - it is ok to shush people being rude eg by talking in the theatre

In this situation yes it is very rude. If it's someone talking through a film at the cinema who needs to be shushed then not so much....well even if it's rude they deserve it.

I don't know, I think there's a bit of give and take and if you don't like talkative people then don't hang out with them?

But I'm not an 'overtalker'. The woman who shushed me admitted that herself. We were having a normal four way convo. In fact I'm agoraphobic and have quite bad social anxiety among strangers.

And yeah talking in theatres or cinema is obviously very bad form and shushing could well be acceptable then. But that wasn't what I experienced. I wasn't in a theatre I was having a social gathering.

Yes, in that circumstance it was rude. Different in a cinema or theatre.

She was rude. And cowardly, for only apologising when you were alone.

She was rude, but did you talk the most in the conversation?

‘ I was brought up to accept people who talk lots or not much and convo just has a way of evening itself out’.

I disagree with the latter part of that. People can also be polite and seemingly accepting of someone talking way more than others whilst not enjoying it.

Rude under any circumstances.
So what if someone spoke too much (in her view) I’m glad you pulled her up op.

If she thought you were talking too much she could have had a discreet gentle word with you in private

She was putting you in your place. It was an attempt at power play and dominance.

She's more talkative than me. And I have conversations. She seems more keen on diatribes. Ironic she thinks shushing an adult is effective.

Was she a school teacher?

I have a 2 friends who talk a lot and I love it because I'm quite quiet. Both are very popular!

It was rude to shush you especially in front of others and cheeky to apologise when they weren't there.