Need support (MH) should go off sick

[lightsomewhere]

I’ll start saying I am not a danger to myself and I feel that changing I have a plan.
TL:DR need support because I need to go off sick due to MH. Very stressed and guilty as well as low.

This may be outing but I’d prefer getting support. I’ve also come here before under different username. A handhold or just thumbs up so I know people are out there.

Bad day with work equipment failing part way and trying to and failing to fix. During this stress and guilt building up about not being online to meet targets. work around but each customer contact was harder and very stressful.

Asked to take one hour flexi due to stress of this way of working was discouraged but agreed. (I didn’t tell manager it was badly affecting my MH, just very stressful, so as they know about my MH might not have told me this means no one in the team can take any flexi for a few weeks. guilt, maybe someone won’t be able to go to a funeral or other urgent thing (no new annual leave).

I used the hour to take the equipment to the office as otherwise I know I’ll feel guilty tomorrow, take it in and just work.
(with hindsight would have been better to go into the office when the equipment broke but that’s hindsight)

Im a pile of guilt and low mood - it’s completely disproportionate- I am not in a critical roll. I meet my targets every month and really shouldn’t be worrying about the office wide one. It’s a lot of things that contribute to whether flexi is available- it’s just random mine is the last hour for the month.
final guilt is that if I am off sick my targets are not altered so everyone else needs to work harder to meet them. (We don’t begrudge each other this I know - when I go over I’m helping if anyone else was off sick) but it’s not stopping the guilt

Sorry, that’s a little difficult to follow.

But it does sound like even if you were to take time away from work the issues around targets/work load will still be there when you return.

Can you afford to be off or would you be swapping one stressful situation for another?

When you wrote “no new annual leave” have you none left? Not sure if your leave runs January to January or inline with financial year either way, it’s early to have no leave left, if I’ve miss understood & you do have leave left could you take some & use the time to look for a different job?

Do it - you need to save yourself, they will cope absolutely fine. 💐

Why would your flexi work affect anyone else’s ? That’s not how it’s meant to work. You then used the time to work anyway?

Lovely; why are you doing this to yourself? You don’t owe them or the world anything. Why are you being so hard on yourself?

Stop feeling guilty! It is just work… nobody dies if you don’t go to work! You’re allowed to be unwell… work is only part of life it shouldn’t be all of it.

Thanks. We cover a helpline and target of how time we must be on that is across the whole team. If there will not be enough people available over the whole month to meet the target then cannot take flexi that we have built up. Same with annual leave, there is already so many other people on leave or off sick that now no leave either flexi or annual leave will be authorised.

My hour today was the tipping point hence guilt that if someone needed an hour to attend a funeral of a close friend it will not be authorised (not covered by bereavement policy such as a parent)

Feel I should have been able to cope and the hour be there for something more worthy (it might even be me needing the hour)

I m we an no annual leave will be authorised- I think until October. Flexi may come back or not next month depending on how many people are off sick at the start of the month and things like that.

if I push myself now it may mean longer sick leave later. So I think it might be more can I afford not to. It will trigger performance because I’ve had other days of ill)

We do not have a long hours culture and are encouraged not to build up flexi but it can happen at the end of the day.