Another will question

[ThingsCouldBeEasier]

Seeing the recent threads about wills, I thought now would be a good opportunity to ask about my situation. I've NC for this.

Elderly mother has a terminal illness and has made a will. Sibling and I are both executors and the estate will be divided equally between us. We're both happy with this.

I'm married with DC. My DC may need financial support during adulthood due to health issues. My mother agrees (she thinks they will never be able to work) and would like me to use my inherited money for this purpose if I think that's a good idea. However, my DH does not think that supporting our DC in adulthood is our responsibility and thinks the DC should live solely on state benefits if they are unable to work / unable to earn enough to be self-supporting.

My worry is that when I inherit, the money (~half a million) goes into DH's and my joint funds, then later he refuses to use it to support our adult DC.

I would like to ask my mother to specify in her will that she would like my inheritance to be used by me to support my DC if I so choose. She will be happy to do something like this. It would need to be clear that it would be for me to decide how it was used, not given directly to my DC.

However, there is a slight possibility that DH and I decide to separate. If we do, I would possibly need to use the inherited money to set up a new home with my DC, since I am unable to work for health reasons.

Can she make clear in her will that my share of her estate is for me to decide how to use in the best interests of my DC/me, rather than going into DH's & my joint funds, which he would then have a say over how it's spent? How would you do that?

DH is a decent man and if there were something in the will about DM wanting the money to be used for my DC, I think he would respect that even if it were not legally enforceable.

Any ideas how to go about making things clear in the will?

Your mother needs to ask her own solicitor who is writing her will if this is actually possible and if so, how it would be worded.

I think there is something called an expression of wishes, not legally part of the will, but kept with it, where it could be written?

Expression of wishes are not legally binding so your mum needs to speak to solicitor to make sure some money is put aside for your son.

She’ll need to speak to a solicitor because it sounds like what you want is for the money to be for your child, unless you divorce and need that money yourself? That’s totally logical, I just don’t see how the money can be separated out away from your husband while also accessible to you for your own needs.

But I’m not a lawyer, so maybe there’s a way.

I'm not legally trained but I think when her will / wishes are fulfilled and passed to you that money becomes yours so to be extreme if you decided to throw the money into the breeze and walk away , that is your prerogative .

What you need to do is make your own will stating your wishes .
whilst you are alive , you are just going to have to stick up to your husband .

If OP divorces, half of that money will be her ex-DH's

I'd be thinking about the IHT implications of this if the gift will be half a million.

I'd recommend that you get a third (assuming this is enough for you) and the other two thirds go directly to your dc

Can you open a bank account solely in your name and one for your dc, how old is your child now. In your will you can leave your money to your dc. Not a lawyer but there must be a way around this, can your mum change her will to leave some to your dc.

When your Dm passes, you and your sibling can complete a Deed of Variation where some of your inheritance can be legally given to someone else, in your case to your child. That way, the money you decide you want to go to your child bypasses you and your DH has no claim on it in event of divorce.
However, there are specific things you my need to do about this money in order to ensure it minimises the impact on your DCs benefits. Also, if it’s his money, how likely is he to blow it all?
You need a family solicitor to help you with this - getting it wrong could be a very costly mistake.
https://www.gov.uk/alter-a-will-after-a-death

Can your mum change her will now so that some of the inheritance meant for you goes into a trust for your child ?

I'm very sorry to hear of your mum's illness.
A solution might be for you to ask your mother to speak to her solicitor to put all of your share or a portion of your share in trust for your DC untill they are well into adulthood. With you named as the sole trustee

That way the money belongs to your DC, your DH couldn't have any access to it in the event of a divorce. You would use the money for your child's best interests which could include their home, food and transport (if they live with you or not)

However they would then have significant savings so although they could receive Pip, they wouldn't be entitled to universal credit.

You can't really have it all ways

This is not correct.

I’d suggest you seek proper legal advice.

If every a will needed expert legal advice, it's this one. If there's a chance that you and your DH might divorce, you/your mum needs to be very careful. Because as things stand, it's likely that your DH would be entitled to half of your inheritance.

You and your mum need to go to the solicitor together, ideally. It might seem expensive, but any mistake will be vastly more expensive.

It depends where you live. Inheritance laws are different in Scotland than in England.

In Scotland, you could put the money into a separate solo account and your DH wouldn't be entitled to it.

Yes, I'm thinking a trust as well.

Also agree with a pp about a Deed of Variation.

I’m sorry re your mum’s terminal diagnosis, it’s such a tough place to be in for all concerned.

I would definitely seek proper legal advice asap. Yes, it may cost a few £ to have an initial meeting, but this would hopefully give you clarity on the overall situation - and then a rough idea of how to move forwards (which may or may not cost more). But the initial session is important so you understand the absolute basics.

I kind of think that inheritance funds are treated differently if a couple is separating. But a solicitor will be able to advise straight away how best to proceed.

Don’t rely on Mumsnet, go see a solicitor and ensure that you know what to do to protect yourself for the future. Again, I’m really sorry re your mum’s diagnosis - I hope you have support irl outside of your home.

A problem, as I understand the OP, with giving money directly to the DC's (or putting it in a trust for them) is (a) that the OP might need the money for herself and (b) it may affect benefits for the DC.

Why don’t you have a separate bank account. Inheritance is not automatically part of joint money in a marriage unless you make it so (by putting it into your joint account).

Thanks for all the really helpful suggestions.

Keep the money in your sole name do not put it in a joint account. If it is kept separate you remain in control and in the event of separation the inheritance is not automatically included as a marital asset as it has been maintained in a separate account. If it at any time touches a joint account any protection is lost.

the best and cleanest way to deal with this is for your mother to change her will effectively leaving the money to her GC or in trust for them with you as trustee. She will need legal advice to advise on the best way to leave the money and ensure her intentions are catered for. An expression of wishes letter is not legally binding and can be ignored.