Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Anyone else get frustrated by their burden of housework?

2 replies

NoEffingWay · 13/07/2026 22:02

I work full time, and DH works part time. I am also the only driver, so I’m responsible for doing the household tasks that require driving, principally driving us all to hobbies, food shopping, sorting the pets out etc etc. DH will do housework but usually after a really unsubtle hint along the lines of ‘please can you hoover’, and I do think he isn’t lazy, but seems to not see the mess like I do. I try not to be the mood hoover but just occasionally can feel myself getting irked that I have done a full day at work, driven everyone around, come home and started dinner, watered the garden, hoovered and then collapsed on the sofa. Luckily DS is old enough to not need bathing!

Meanwhile, DH is chilling out staring at his phone, and seems to not join in the household tasks unless I directly ask him to. He does do the washing up every night which helps a bit 😬.

Some of it feels like my fault for setting a precedent of doing it all when we were first living together as I had a different job and could do more, and we’ve just got into a routine where he ‘helps’ and I just get on with it.

i should point out that he works part time due to being semi-retired, not abject laziness, and he can’t drive for medical reasons, not because he doesn’t want to!

OP posts:
PurpleCoo · 13/07/2026 23:19

Speak to him and decide a jobs list/planner for how chores will be divided fairly

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 13/07/2026 23:31

Write down all the jobs, and divvy them up

It's easier to cluster them - you do dental, I'll do medical, you pack school lunches, i'll order the Sainsbury's shop etc

Put it on a whiteboard - a big one, so he can clearly see his areas of responsibility

Don't do his stuff, if he fucks it up - let him fuck it up - nothing terrible will happen and it may be the way he will take responsibility.

You will likely have to drop your standards - his pack lunch making might be more haphazard than yours but learn to ignore it

If the kids come to you and say they hate his sarnies - direct them to him. If there is no habit of him communicating with them, set up a family meeting every two weeks (a good idea anyway) so you can facilitate a conversation but not take it over.

You should have equal time off

Point out to him that whether intentionally or not he is treating you like a skivvy - that stops now, for for your sake and to prevent setting a terrible example for your kids

You are being too kind to him BTW, he may not have the same standards as you, but he is absolutely taking advantage of the fact he knows you'll pick up for him

New posts on this thread. Refresh page