Pregnant and feeling so low

[preggogreggo]

I'll start by saying that I know I should be so grateful to be pregnant and I know there so many people that would love to be and can't be. I'm sorry if any of this comes off as me being ungrateful because I really know how lucky I am.
I'm just having a horrible time being pregnant. I'm 18 weeks now. Around 2 years ago I lost around 4 stone and was feeling so great about myself and confident. After being overweight for most of my life, it felt like I was a new person - not having to worry about getting dressed in the morning, not avoiding social situations etc. After having my dd I wasn't sure if I wanted another baby as I found it all so hard but I felt so much pressure from others for her not to be and only child and that I wasn't a proper or very good mother of I didn't have another. I was very lucky and needed up getting pregnant fairly quickly but I just can't help but feel down and like my whole life has stopped. I am obviously putting on weight but my bump isn't even a proper bump, it just looks like a flabby belly. My boobs are gigantic and I just look horrendous all the time. I how just dress in big t-shirts. I feel like there's no point making an effort because I look like an overstuffed bin bag not even like a cute pregnant woman.
Im also so tired and drained and moody. I feel like I'm horrid to my DH who is lovely and my poor dd. I feel like I've ruined her life by becoming pregnant and that we won't be able to do anything nice anymore because we'll be having another one. I feel so ashamed to be feeling this way because I know it isn't important but I just can't help it. I feel like I'm losing myself all over again like I did before and I'm just so scared.
I'm not sure what I want from this post but I just needed to get it all out I suppose.

@preggogreggo Body changes in pregnancy feel especially cruel after weight loss don't they! I'm in a slightly similar position, 2nd trimester with 3rd baby after a 3 stone weight loss and significant tone up a year ago.

Seeing my body change has been really, really hard. I felt so low today wearing maternity jeans for the first time - I don't have a round belly, I look like there's just an extra fat roll chilling. Apple shape is not helping the bump to belly ratio!!

I think it being my third, I feel a little more confident in the end outcome though. My two DC love each other so much, and my 2nd was a very chill baby vs. an intense first born so I'm hoping for that again.

It's still hard to accept that there's 20 odd more weeks of weight gain though, so I'm back on my fitness pal as of this week! Walking pad ordered and I'm trying to regain my healthy habits at least a little.

I don't really have words of wisdom that'll help clearly, but solidarity. 💐

Thank you so much for responding - You've actually given me a bit of a shake up - why can't I watch my calories and exercise a bit more mindfully? I think because I felt so unwell and tired and moody I've been in a rut. Thank you!

It's so much harder when pregnant, but I plan to keep trying every day this week anyway. I'm brilliant at healthy lifestyle until the mid day slump, tiredness, and discomfort hit. Then it's an obscene amount of ice pops and flake on the couch. I'm hoping the walking pad helps! And treated myself to low cal watermelon and mango that I plan to stick in the freezer tomorrow, to make a faux ice pop.

It's really hard not to be tired and moody pregnant with an older DC to look after, in this bloody heat though!!

I wonder if you might have perinatal depression, OP, which is more common in pregnancy than people realise. There is lots of support out there, either via your GP, Perinatal Mental Health Team or voluntary services, such as https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/

Be kind and gentle with yourself, OP, it's ok to not feel ok.