Why does dh make me look stuff up rather than checking himself

[TofuTuesday]

It’s so infuriating. I put info on the fridge, the group chat, wherever, forward him the email and then ‘what time is/where is’ etc etc. He’s just done it again and then got all pissy when I said I don’t know. And he stood there so I said ‘are you expecting me to check the group chat for you?’ And he’s huffed off ‘don’t bother yourself’ etc etc.
im going to start retraining him, so far this weekend I’ve had to confirm hotel for November, air port, and time ds is going to a party.

Agree with this: see also finding little jobs for you to do if you’re sat reading a book.

We reached peak of this about a year ago. Dh taking ds to a rugby match. He gets same info as me on group chat but only one parent can havr the fixture app. Obviously this is an excuse for him to be even more.shit.

I tell him its NOT at main club but at practice venue (where he has taken ds many times- he had only been to clubhouse once). I also say parking will be a nightmare because of MUD (this is relevant). He rings me to ask where to park because parking is a nightmare. I am snuggly confised but suggest in surrounding roads. But I fet this little niggle in my mind.....

You guessed it. They were t club. Parking was nightmare because of busy fixture day.

Then he shouted at me because apparently I had not told him AND he had never been to the practice venue. He was so ridiculous that day that I think it shocked even him. And he has been (slughtly) better since.

"Have you looked in the diary?" Is practically my most used sentence qhen he rings me 5x day to ask if its ok dor for him to do x or y. Drivds me mad. I dont care what he does. I dont need to give permission. I need him to think, "mmm, dd has netball and it starts at 5 and Mage will still be working so I cant meet Pete until 7".

My exh kept trying this shit even after the divorce. I just kept saying, I don’t know. I did know but he’s not entitled to my brain. It took him about 2 years to figure it out himself and he missed a few important events along the way. Tough shit.

I have started saying please use your own brain mine is busy.

This one time... we had a one day per week routine around kids activities he was familiar with and we had to fit a dentist appointment into it. I said we can fit it in here if you do this one thing at this time... he said, 'can you write that down for me'
I took a deep breath and told him if this one thing at this one time was too much to remember, he could write it down himself....

I used to use the phrase 'stop outsourcing your memory.'

He never did improve.

I mentioned something we both knew needed doing at the weekend, he asked me to remind him on Saturday about it.

Sick of this approach to life.

I asked him to remind me on Friday that I needed to remind him on Saturday about the thing.

Penny dropped.

He now uses the reminder app in his phone.

🎉