Why does dh make me look stuff up rather than checking himself

[TofuTuesday]

It’s so infuriating. I put info on the fridge, the group chat, wherever, forward him the email and then ‘what time is/where is’ etc etc. He’s just done it again and then got all pissy when I said I don’t know. And he stood there so I said ‘are you expecting me to check the group chat for you?’ And he’s huffed off ‘don’t bother yourself’ etc etc.
im going to start retraining him, so far this weekend I’ve had to confirm hotel for November, air port, and time ds is going to a party.

I tend to pretend I don’t know either ‘I don’t know, I would have to check the WhatsApp message’ or ‘im not sure I would have to read the email from the hotel same as you’

Channel Alex Horne.

”All the information’s on the task in the WhatsApp/email”

Every. Single. Time.

Until he learns he can’t use your brain to do his thinking.

Send him an invoice for your PA duties. Or suggest he sees a dr as you are worried about his memory

Tell him your brain is not his to utilise to save himself the bother. Lazy sod.

I would tell him that I would have to look it up, and then stop talking. Make him do it himself.

Mine does this too. I just say "How would I know?" every single time. Or tell him I'm not his own personal search engine.

Ok glad I’m not alone but need to channel some of this energy. It’s definitely lazy, like he cba to remember anything.

I had to push back on this. It was spreading to the kids. Line up lots of phrases-
I’m not sure.
Did it say on the letter?
Perhaps it’s in the email.
Have you googled it?
What time did you book it for?

And lastly, reserved for moments of great frustration, ‘You’d better ask someone else, my brain is already busy.’.

“I’m sure you can solve this without outsourcing it to me” then change the subject. He’s lazy and doesn’t want to think for himself.

Its called borrowing your brain so he doesnt have to bother himself using his
Mine used to do this and ask me what the time was, whats for dinner but also at least 5 times a day as he CBA to remember the information

The fact he is stropping is immature
I just give mine"the look" now which is code for use your own fucking brain
This is yet another example of women carrying the mental load so he doesnt have to

It’s laziness, and also attention seeking.
mine hasn’t lived down the time he phoned me while 8000 miles away to ask for directions… from his magic smartphone with built in maps.
He doesn’t ask any more.

My partner tries this. Even trying drives me mad. Am I a PA? Look it up yourself.

This is the pinnacle!!!!
OMG what did you say when he asked this!?

If you know, why would you not just say? If you don't know then why wouldn't you just say that?

I don't understand all this game playing of pretending you don't know the answer and making someone look it up.

I know, right?!
I think I said something like, “Are you fucking kidding me? That thing you’re phoning me on, you know it has maps? If you don’t know how to use it, ask DD (11)”
Honestly, I was stunned. And not at all polite.

You need to get him to break the habit.

Get a joint email for bills and school stuff so you have equal access to everything.

Use a wall planner or shared calendar on your phone.

Keep pushing back. It’s sheer laziness. My DH and I used to argue about it but if he now asks, I just say I don’t know.

I also message him stuff that I want him to do so he can’t argue that he didn’t know about it.

.

Because he doesn't need to ask me. He can google it himself. I am not his own personal computer or search engine.

It's lazy and not an attractive trait.

Mine’s just gone off in a huff because I refuse to order something for him online because he’s too bloody lazy to do it himself.
‘I’ll give you the money’ doesn’t make me your PA, twat.
It’s not unusual for him to ask me to look something up when he’s already on his phone. Obviously I don’t but that gets him pissy too.
effing men.

Quite often I don’t know but I know where to look (ie the email I forwarded, the fridge calendar) and other times I’m just irritated that he cba to remember or check.
not been asked to order anything online yet but that’s because he has an amazon habit and loves avoiding real shops.

Have you actually read what Op wrote
She has either already told him or sent him the details
Hes being lazy and asking Op rather than walk to the place invitations are kept , fridge/ board or checking the details on his phone instead
Hes using her like a PA
Well fuck that!

Mine often asks me how to do this or that... I always say let me Google that, I wasn't born with this information in my vagina 🤨

I can't really complain as I'm the one constantly asking where this or that is 😂

Blank face and ignore. If he continued my usual reply was “you manage to do x,y, z amazing thing at work without my assistance. I am sure you can work it out”. He stopped asking after a few times of that!

Well presumably he’s not holding a gun to your head when he asks. Just stop responding.

There’s an art to cheerful resistance. You have to be breezily, helpfully unhelpful.
If I’m being asked for something physical like “where are my keys?”, I say “no idea, where have you looked so far?”, which forces them to admit that they haven’t actually looked themselves.
if it’s information, I just go with “I can’t remember. I think I might have emailed it. Maybe check there first?” All said while in a cheery voice while carrying on with whatever I’m doing and preferably barely looking up.
I don’t say this because I think pussyfooting around laziness and incompetence is actually necessary. I do it because it amuses me and, where teenagers are concerned, I think it’s my job to make them crack on and find their own shit.