Did I go too far?

[BlueOtter9]

Flirted back and fourth with a guy at the gym. We sexted a little and sent pictures back and fourth. I just so happened to speak to one of the other women at the gym. She said I should be careful he's a player and has a bit of a reputation. I had no idea about this as I'm pretty new there. Anyway, he came across as polite etc to my face always sort of respectful even when we were sexting it never felt weird.

Fast forward to yesterday evening. I was finishing up and walking out and so was he. He turns round and said those pictures left such an impression maybe we should move this forward a bit. Anyway I said yeah maybe (given what I was told I just felt a bit cautious) I said you're really attractive to me but I just want to have a think about things my home really is my peaceful place and I don't want a man coming in to disrupt any peace as usually that's where these things go. He said "we're both adults we just treat it like sex no more no less" I said "yes but to me it's a bit more of an emotional exchange and believe me I do want to go there but I'm not ready for what I could feel after and you don't need that either" he walks away and said "ok sure take your time to think" next thing I know I get home and got a message saying "look give me a yes or no. I don’t have the time for a back and forth. You can either get f*cked tonight, my balls are full, or we’ll leave it"

I was disgusted so I sent a voice message back along the lines of how dare you think it's okay to send me that when I said I want to think about it. Yes I flirted I know and yes I felt the chemistry but there's absolutely no way you can send me that and think it'll make me want anything at all from you. How dare you. I'm not being spoken to like I'm your bi*ch and you can't just use my body whenever you please. I need to be ready too.

Anyway convo ended and he blocked me which was fine but I wonder if maybe I should have just said no thanks and moved on. Maybe I'm just fed up of men who can't be respectful even when it is just sex.

I think lesson learnt, men that want to sext only want one thing. Not a problem if you’re on the same page but he was vile demanding a yes or no to fuck you tonight or leave it, so actually it’s worked out for you not to have had this loser

It’s absolutely fine to want sex. Sexting and sending explicit pictures to a total stranger who frequents one of your regular haunts, and who subsequently revealed himself to be a pig, is deeply unwise. And for god’s sake, why were you even contemplating inviting him to your house? You really need to focus on some very basic rules of engagement and safety. Are you very young?

Lessons learnt, next time dont send dirty messages or pictures.

I always think if a man wants dirty talk and pitchers, hes not the man for me.
If they start to pressure me for them it just pushes me further away block and done.

Pleased im happy and content being single.

“My balls are full…” such a turn on!

I personally would have just blocked him. You gave him too much of your anger - he’s going to let it stroke his ego more than think he’s actually gone too far himself. Being ignored is probably much better way of handling guys like this. But it’s done now, so just forget him and blank him at the gym.

You win some you lose some.

My take on this is - there was chemistry and you both acted on it, but he didn't want more, potentially.

I think that's fine. Also what you want is fine.

I am predisposed to want a commitment in case I become pregnant and vulnerable. He is predisposed to spread his seed far and wide. What would make him change is seeing me and thinking, 'that's it - that's the woman for me. I'm done seeing all and any other women.' This is exactly what my husband did - see me, commit immediately, no other women ever again and married me a year later.

If this man had acted like that, and taken you out and done it properly, you'd have had that hot sex and created a relationship. Instead to him you are one of many and some other woman is going to make him come off the market.

It is good that you saw it. Not everything that is good to look at is good to eat - so this hot man, even tho hot and sexy, was not for you because he didn't feel that way about you and that is not what you are looking for (I presume).

He has gone, good. I'd have done the same as you, in fact I have and got the same mouthful. Not every man is any good. Forget him, there are better men out there. I hope you are OK. You didn't do anything wrong in my view.

Does that "my balls are full" line work on anyone?! I'd have told him to have a wank and ended it there. Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

Yes, it makes them sound like waterbombs about to explode and drench passersby. Or a full nappy. Ew.

He’s a vile pig but perhaps this might be a lesson to not immediately start sexting complete strangers you meet in the gym or elsewhere. Saying you need an emotional connection after the fact is laughable, really.

More pressingly, you’ve no idea who this man is or what he’s capable of yet you sent him explicit photos of yourself. He could’ve already posted them in various group chats, or worse! Deeply unwise and unsafe.

the mask always slips when the roid rage wants to come out.
He sounds like a twat. Chalk that one up to expierience and be thankful you found out who he was before you slept with him

Yep he’s awful but maybe if you don’t want casual sex and you do want emotional connection then don’t sext and send pictures to someone you barely know. It wasn’t going to go any other way. You are laying out your stall there and then.

My response to 'my balls are full' would be:

😂😂😂
Are you a hormonal 14 year old??!!
Have a wank, and leave me alone

I was genuinely not intending to be a dick by making that post. I’m guessing I’m a fair bit older than the OP and have learned that it can be dangerous to send things out electronically that you have no control over. There’s nothing that can be done now, and it sounds like OP isn’t worried (which is great!) but I guess I wanted to plant a seed of thought about whether another time it might be better to know someone a bit better before sending stuff. I am incredibly cautious though!

Good for you OP. I also put such slimy fuckers in their place.

In reality, he’ll be too embarrassed to tell people you turned him down.

Hopefully he's too embarrassed to attend the gym again and you don’t need to see him. Last week, I bumped into one I had put in his place at the petrol station and thankfully was all dressed up. He kept his head down and scuttled off in the other direction. 😂

Ugh, he sounds grim. I think you're on very different pages and he was wrong to pressure you after what you said. Fair enough that you gave him a piece of your mind. Maybe he might think twice about doing similar next time. Honestly, I'd put it out of your mind and move on.

I think he thought you were both on the same page but clearly you wanted more than just casual sex. Your rant was probably wasted on him and he was probably embarrassed too. He just wanted a yes or no answer.
Maybe make your intentions clear from the start in future, saves time and energy.

Agree
But your name...grim.
Hey op the gym will be full of egotistical pricks...nearly sucked into his ego.

Tend to agree with this tbh. Men are base and simple creatures, he wanted sex and thought you did too.

To be fair neither the OP nor this man come out of this well. The OP gave every impression that she was on the same page as him by naively sending the pictures (why else would you do so?)

His response was awful, but no doubt out of frustration because he (incorrectly as it turned out) though the OP was "up for it".

He sounds vile. Truly vile. You did the right thing to get out of that.