Did I go too far?

[BlueOtter9]

Flirted back and fourth with a guy at the gym. We sexted a little and sent pictures back and fourth. I just so happened to speak to one of the other women at the gym. She said I should be careful he's a player and has a bit of a reputation. I had no idea about this as I'm pretty new there. Anyway, he came across as polite etc to my face always sort of respectful even when we were sexting it never felt weird.

Fast forward to yesterday evening. I was finishing up and walking out and so was he. He turns round and said those pictures left such an impression maybe we should move this forward a bit. Anyway I said yeah maybe (given what I was told I just felt a bit cautious) I said you're really attractive to me but I just want to have a think about things my home really is my peaceful place and I don't want a man coming in to disrupt any peace as usually that's where these things go. He said "we're both adults we just treat it like sex no more no less" I said "yes but to me it's a bit more of an emotional exchange and believe me I do want to go there but I'm not ready for what I could feel after and you don't need that either" he walks away and said "ok sure take your time to think" next thing I know I get home and got a message saying "look give me a yes or no. I don’t have the time for a back and forth. You can either get f*cked tonight, my balls are full, or we’ll leave it"

I was disgusted so I sent a voice message back along the lines of how dare you think it's okay to send me that when I said I want to think about it. Yes I flirted I know and yes I felt the chemistry but there's absolutely no way you can send me that and think it'll make me want anything at all from you. How dare you. I'm not being spoken to like I'm your bi*ch and you can't just use my body whenever you please. I need to be ready too.

Anyway convo ended and he blocked me which was fine but I wonder if maybe I should have just said no thanks and moved on. Maybe I'm just fed up of men who can't be respectful even when it is just sex.

As my dear old late mother used to say “When the balls are full, the head is empty.”

At least he didn't muse on your whiffy growler.

What's done is done. He sounds like an utter loser so either way, him being gone is a win for you. But maybe next time, just block a guy who shows no respect for you.

No it’s not.

this is the kind of honesty that makes relationships and marriages work. Not some man at gym who you’ve exchanged genital photos with!

read the room.

Exactly! It was always going to be sex only, which so fine. But the chat was unnecessary, just say you weren’t ready for sex. He sounds like a prat though

I guess lessons have been learned OP. Just try and move on. x

Ugh. Well shot of him. No respect and sounds very up himself anyway.

It sounds like you were hoping for an emotional connection and ultimately a relationship, whereas he simply wanted a no strings shag, after which he would have lost interest and moved on.

With all due respect, what exactly did you expect from someone you were sexting with and exchanging photos with? ‘Polite and respectful’ when you were sexting? Come on now.

just put this one behind you

At least you are out of it now. Please take care.

A whole load of victim blaming here. There are about 10 sentences from you and more than 12 projections of ‘you’.

Re-read your post and maybe phrase it a tad more empathetically?

OP, try and take this as life lesson. Sadly, all people are who they make out to be.

I don't understand sending pics like that to someone, when there is no established relationship, either. Just not sensible actions.

It s not victim blaming, it’s the hard truth.

Sorry OP, we all live and learn and he s awful, but you really need to raise your bar.

I agree.

I'm not sure how you expected him to react after the kind of messages you were exchanging.

Exactly. And then get all upset when they receive disrespectful comments.
The man’s a knob OP but you have probably led him to believe you were the particular type of person he was looking for.
I don’t think that someone looking for an emotional connection could ever think that sexting and sending explicit pics in the first instance is the best way to go about finding it.
I know I’m probably a bit old fashioned but this is not how I’d think an emotional connection could be found.

I'm really sorry but if you had already sent him pictures of yourself or parts of yourself naked that he doesn't see at a gym, then I can't see why you are at all surprised by his reaction.

I'm old so perhaps need educating, but surely you don't send photos like that to someone you don't know except as an indicator that you are available for sex?

I have to agree, your "relationship " was based purely on sex if you were sexting without even dating so it's hardly surprising he was only wanting a shag. Get a relationship going properly before sexting.

Your voice note was wrong too although I do understand why you needed to vent at him. A simple fuck off, or a block, would have been better. I'm glad you've ditched the disrespectful tosser though.

He was horrible and you are well out of it.

You did nothing wrong.

Treating a woman like a cum receptacle is never going to go well.

If he wants a cum sock he should get a cum sock.

People have emotions. Even men shockingly. His emotional intelligence is clearly zero.

Why would you send sexual texts and photos to someone you barely know and then be surprised when they only want sex? Surely it’s obvious that was the way it was going?! If you want something more and an ‘emotional’ connection have a bit more class to start with.

You were sexting, so you’d already moved things into a sexual conversation. He’d also made it clear from the outset that he only wanted sex. His message was extremely blunt but it’s not like he’d misled you at any point. You’re acting as if he’d implied he wanted a relationship - he hadn’t.

You sound incredibly naive.

1. She's not a victim of anything.
2. It's not victim blaming to give someone advice on how they can put themselves first and protect themselves from disrespect. In the end of the day, we don't live in an ideal world where we can change other people's behaviour - we can only change our own behaviour, so when someone acts in a way that's not right we only have control over our own reaction to said behaviour.
3. Fair enough, I could have been a bit more kind in my wording. I take that on board.

Blows my mind that people will send intimate photos of themselves to someone they barely know then act all outraged when that person assumes they will be up for casual sex.
He sounds hideous.

I people watch in the gym, it gets me through the stairmaster. Most of the men in my gym are chatting up a new woman every week.

i see the 40yo men also approaching 20year olds

they collect their nos brazenly, and i assume they are all doing similar.

its disgusting.

Never sext a man, or send him explicit pictures. Especially a man you don't know from Adam. You may have unsent the pictures but he could've saved them, and could show others or even just wank to them.

That said, he's a disgusting prick, and you're well rid of him. Good on that woman at the gym for trying to warn you. You should've listened, but hindsight is 20/20.