What to get a friend who has depression?

[Pigtailsandall]

My good friend has been diagnosed with depression. She's a very senior, high-flying professional who struggled to accept the diagnosis for a long time. She knows I'm here for her, but I'd like to get her something. I'm just not sure what. She's off from work and she's not used to doing nothing. I thought flowers, but it feel a bit hospital-y. Or does it?
What might be a nice, thoughtful gift? I'm a little stuck for ideas. She's sporty but hasn't been exercising recently.

I suffer from depression myself and have close relatives who do too.
I wouldn’t buy flowers or gifts for someone who’s depressed unless they were an in patient.
It’s just not a done thing.
If your friend has struggled to accept her diagnosis, it might not go down particularly well.
Just offer your support and tell her if she ever needs to talk you are there for her.

I appreciated whenever DH came home with food that was easy to eat and would keep. Sometimes your appetite is all over the place and having stuff on hand to eat when you fancy it is helpful.

Also, people suffering with depression often find it very difficult to get enjoyment out of things they normally would. Don’t get her anything to do with being sporty or to encourage her to do stuff she normally does. Depression doesn’t work that way.

My friends dropped round a little gift bag of choccies, mini Prosecco, a candle and card before and that was nice just knowing she was thinking about me. Anything small or a token gift would be appreciated. You sound like a lovely friend!

I regularly get depression and would always appreciate a good friend coming round and watching TV with me or doing something else really really low key.
If you're not that close just a semi regular text, maybe sharing a reel or something that caught your eye.
If it's her first time, knowing you don't judge is a big thing too.

I would always really appreciate flowers. Tbh just knowing I was being thought about would make a huge difference.

It’s not really a gift situation thing. It’s not like grapes to hospital thing.

your post suggests they you see it as an acute problem thing- which it’s not going to be. think through how it be long term or if it’s recurring ?
Will you keep buying gifts?!

The best gift you can give her is not giving up on her, being there regardless of whether she responds to messages or not, give her yourself give her your time and be prepared for her to not give you much back at all.

Honestly, that’s probably the most important thing having been her.

How about a nice notebook, pens and chocolates/ her favourite food. My friend finds journalling really helpful so I bought her one that had little sections to fill in each day.

Honestly, when I’ve been off work with depression, the idea of having to deal with a bunch of flowers would have seemed overwhelming. I didn’t really want anything, just time and space.

This would be a nice gift @Pigtailsandall

Audible subscription, some people might not like it but I found audiobooks an escape.

I’d focus on wellbeing or self-care items. Maybe a candle, or if she likes them, things like face masks, eye masks, scrubs, some nice bath salts.

I am saying this as it’s what I’d appreciate!

As a decades long sufferer, if you give a gift then she may likely feel an obligation to be appreciative and happy. Too much work for her.

Just text here and there, not more than usual though. Again that will be another pressure.

I think just let her know you are there for her. Offer to pop in for a cup of tea if she's up for it.

When off work with depression in the past, someone dropped off a bunch of sunflowers which absolutely made me smile and feel cared about every time I saw them. Another beautiful soul drew me a card and I still have it, framed. The little things really do mean so much and helped me feel people cared and understood. As others have said, it tends to be a reoccurring condition, sadly, but I certainly wouldn't expect something every time so please don’t let that stop you showing your friend how much you care.

Thanks all, I've enjoyed reading people's experiences and suggestions so thank you for coming forth. My friend is a high-achiever, very solution-focused; she mentioned she felt guilty for doing "nothing"! I've offered to pop around whenever it suits her to do whatever she wants (or just sit there) but as we know, asking for help can be hard for very independent people so I just wanted to give something to show her I really mean it. She likes plants so perhaps a flowering plant that's easy to care for, and I really like the journal idea. I think it means she can do something and also be reflective if she wants.

Oh god I would hate this. It’s not a get-well-soon type of illness. More like just a way of being (I can only speak for myself). I’d prefer an approach of acceptance and understanding while just being completely yourself in the friendship. Ie treating her normally, yet not taking it personally if she ever isn’t up to doing (insert activity here). If you really want to ‘give’ something, just pay for the next drink/coffee/meal out or do small kind things like people do for friends regardless.

Oh and I might drop her a message saying "I've just made a bunch of flapjacks - way too many for us! Would you like me to bring some around?" Or similar

A mindful colouring book and some felt tip pens maybe? It is very therapeutic

It maybe depends person to person. I’d a bad dip with my anxiety a few years ago and girls out of work sent me a bunch of flowers and I actually felt so grateful for them. Sometimes when you feel low it can feel like no one cares/understands. Suppose it depends what your friend is like. Personally things like pyjamas a book, some crocs etc but maybe they aren’t her thing. Something that you know she likes. I’m sure no matter what it is she will appreciate that you’ve taken the time to show you care.

I remember when I was in a psychiatric hospital, the bin was full of “Get Well Soon” cards, gifts and flowers visitors had brought. It really upset a lot of the patients when people treated them like they had a physical illness.

Treatment for psychiatric illness is not straightforward. Recovery is often not linear and can be so slow the person barely feels it happening.
People suffering can feel like they are never going to get better and feel a lot of pressure from the people around them but they can’t do anything about it.
It’s hard to explain how much of a punch in the gut it can feel to have people treat you like you’re just temporarily under the weather.

Sorry to hear this, sounds like you have been/are struggling. I could see that's not appropriate for a psychiatric hospital. However, there is a huge range of mental health conditions, and here we are not talking about severe and enduring, more moderate depression/low-level anxiety. I suppose there is tokenism in the gift in the sense that it's a symbol of my seriousness in being there for her, but I'd ike it to be something that genuinely might brighten her day, however little.

I think I will start by baking and dropping off something sweet, then perhaps the pot plant. We had coffee together last week so I'll suggest similar again.

I would suggest something like a journal, with a nice pen, or a Mandela colouring book with crayons. Possibly a nice scented candle, or wax melts with a burner. Even a selection of nice herbal/fruit teas. Whittards instant teas are lovely, especially their Dreamtime one. She just needs to know you care, and you’re there for her, which you are, you sound like a lovely friend.

If she’s signed off work, presumably she is significantly affected by it.
It sounds like you’re going to do whatever you’re going to do. I’m struggling to understand why you asked tbh.

That’s uncalled for. I’ve been in a psychiatric hospital too and I was really touched when I got a big bouquet of flowers from my workplace. So people have different opinions on this.