Why are we so intolerant of neighbours

[willitevergetwarm]

DAILY MAIL - DO SOME REAL REPORTING AND LEAVE MY CHAT ALONE

Apart from the poor people who do actually have horrific neighbours why are so many people intolerant of neighbours using their gardens to entertain friends, listen to music, cook on a bbq?

Obviously all within reason and not until stupid o'clock at night

I've read some stories on here this past week and honestly I can't believe what I'm reading from no lingerie hanging out to a rota for using your garden

You misunderstand my point. I’m not saying anyone has a ‘right’ to silence. When we live cheek by jowl with others - as many of us do in the UK - you can expect to hear a reasonable amount of noise from others who are nearby. Playing music loudly so you can hear it in your garden, though, is inconsiderate.

I’m glad you don’t mind hearing other people’s noise. You must realise that you’re not everyone, though, and others may have different opinions and needs.

How do you balance your desires with those of others around you? How would you decide for yourself when it’s reasonable to listen to music, for example - how do you decide what’s reasonable in terms of timing, volume, location, and duration, for example?

Loud, thumping bass music for 9 hours is clearly selfish. Where’s the balance between their desire to recreate a rave, and others’ desire for peace and quiet and a chance to chill?

Some people only ever think of their own wants though - they’re either incapable of empathy, or they’re selfish shits, or perhaps they haven’t been brought up properly.

Unfortunately there are a lot more people around like that these days. The old idea that you were considerate of others and didn’t just focus selfishly on yourself seems to have fallen by the wayside, sadly.

Entertaining friends and having barbecues is fine. Playing music isn’t.

I play music to drown out the power tools and barking dogs

It makes being in the garden much better

If it hasn't already been said, you know music doesn't stop at the fence don't you?

This. When I grew up it was normal to hear radios playing outdoors on a fine day. That sort of thing is very different to actual anti social behaviour. It would have been common to listen to sports on the radio on summer days. I’m in Ireland and Gaelic games are summer sports. I’d often listen to podcasts as I’m doing my housework and I’ve often brought my phone outside to continue listening while I’m hanging out my washing. Growing up we would always know when Liverpool scored as happy shouts and cheers would come from our neighbours house across the street.

I once had what I thought was an innocuous wind chime in our garden. We lived in the houses for about a year when the neighbour poked their head over the fence and asked with gritted teeth if we could please take it down. We were mortified! They had clearly been cursing it for some time.

So several neighbours have to buy and wear headphones and miss out on conversation and birdsong etc so you - one person - don't have to. Got it.

Of course it's antisocial. Why should other people have to listen to your choice of radio or podcast in their own garden?

Because it’s not being blasted loudly at top volume or indeed even at a high volume . It’s background noise. The same as the cars on the street or the dpd driver or our lovely postman who will chat to any of the neighbours who happen to be out the front or my neighbour being on the phone when she steps out of her home office. Or the sound of another neighbours pigeons when they all fly off together. It’s the day to day noise of a housing estate.

No, those are all fleeting and intermittent noises.

My dog occasionally barks in the garden. My neighbours kids sometimes wake me up by shouting or screaming when I am trying to lie in. We apologize to each other if its been noisy, the other says no problem, I make noise too sometimes, and we move on. I really think most people are like this.

Having said this, I had a neighbour who was doing up his house himself in the evenings. Who felt drilling at 10.30pm was perfectly reasonable because it was his fucking house. It was hard to be reasonable with him after that.

But it's not background noise if your neighbours can each every word of the song or the sports bulletin or whatever. The things you describe are fleeting - you hear a car and it drives off, the postie moves down the street, the dog stops barking (or at least, it should be stopped). Music that's just blaring out doesn't stop - and it relies on others not blaring their music equally in order to hear it or to not create a massive racket in the area.

So many different points of views here.

I have our alexa on when were in the garden, but she's indoors and you can only hear her when you are sitting just outside the door, so I'm pretty certain no neighbours can hear her.

I don't mind background noise, mowers, pressure washers, kids playing, power tools, others music tbh, it's all part and parcel of living in such close proximity to others, BUT none of what goes on around me is as disturbing as some of you put up with