Is midlife when the family losses suddenly start to mount up?

[RosieLeaLovesTea]

Lovely mumsnet I need a handhold tonight. I am feeling so much loss.

I come from a close family. Live in the same street as my auntie/ uncles and cousins. 5 mins Round the road from my nana and grandad. We spent a lot of time together growing up. Plus extended family travelling from London staying for Easter and Christmas.

well over the last few years there have been some significant losses. Great aunt died 2021. Nana died 2022. She was 92 and had a good life. It was the last few months that her physical abilities really went down hill.

my DH’s sister died suddenly in 2023. She was only 49. We didn’t know what was the cause at the time but after a lengthy post mortem process it is been concluded as sudden death due to epilepsy. It affects 1:1000 people.

then my father in law died very suddenly in June 2025. It was so unexpected. He was in another country and we had to travel and sort funeral arrangements at short notice.

then my auntie got diagnosed with breast cancer last year. It was found early and she is responding well to treatment. I rushing it’s chemo and radiotherapy.

my other Auntie who is the one who
lives in the same street as my parents. She has just been diagnosed with bowel cancer about 4 weeks ago. She needs chemo to Shrink the tumour and then hopefully she can have surgery to remove it. She has been admitted to hospital as her pain is not controlled and they are talking of transferring her the local hospice. I think it’s about symptom control and pain management. I hope she still had a god chance of recovery from treatment.

so is this what happens? You get to mid life - i am 48 and you suddenly lose everyone?
I feel so sad for My DH also because he lost his mum at 15 to cancer and it’s was 6 weeks from diagnosis to death - pancreatic cancer. Then he loses his sister suddenly. Plus his dad with no warning and suddenly again. I feel sad for my children that they have lost their grandparent.

plus I really feel like it’s a wake up call and I really need to start taking care of myself. To give myself the best chance of being there for them as long as I can.

how do you all deal with thos

I’m in my early 50s, and it can feel like sniper’s alley. We’ve lost a fair few people, family and friends, far too young and in tragic circumstances. DC have had to deal with a lot of loss, at a very young age.

it’s really hard, but I take the view that life is very short, and the best thing we can do is live our lives well and prioritise spending time doing things you enjoy, with people you enjoy spending time with. But yes, also looking after your physical health as well as you can.

Sad but true, yes.

I've lost a lot of my family now - some suddenly - some over a prolonged period. It's very difficult; particularly when it's prolonged and you see the deterioration. I know which of those two I'd prefer for myself.

I also lost 2 friends in their 20s - one had cancer and one passed away suddenly in her sleep. It's tragic.

I can only say to "live your life well" and only do things that make you happy. "Don't settle".

It definitely makes you realise, what you want and don't want in life x 💐

It’s the natural cycle of life I’m afraid.

We’ve lost a number of older relatives and are starting to lose peers now we are in our fifties to heart attacks, cancer etc.

We are none of us immortal.

There’s only two certainties in life, you are born and you die. I think some people when they are young never have to think about death and then it starts to affect them in midlife and maybe shock them. I had to start thinking about it when young so I just expect everyone to pop off now.

I’m afraid so, the older you get the more likely it is.

I realised a few years ago when I was saying “good riddance to x year” at the turn of the year, that there would not be any years where something awful doesn’t happen. There will be bereavements, awful diagnoses, adult kids struggling with tough things, job losses. It’s that cliche of you can’t wait for the storm to pass, you have to learn to dance in the rain.

Yes. I am 66 and few friends my own age are left. Only one family member older than me is still alive (79). My brother (65) is alive but lives a long way away and I rarely see him. And as those who are left are still working/busy with family I am alone a lot.
It is a fact of life unfortunately.