money control with lodger

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ASo I have a lodger who started out as a potential partner then moved to being my friend now my worst enemy. He's a narcissist, takes ut doesn't give while I'm a suffering landlady who does more for him than I should. we've lived together 12 yrs and despite the number of yrs he only gives me £400 month rent for which he gets his own living room and bedroom. i also do all the house work, gardening and laundry. I also take him shopping every week. What do I get in return just his rent and nothing else. He recently started working shifts at the weekend and needs a lift to work at 5.15am as the buses dont run at that time. he started these shifts in May and so far I've done 14 trips of 6 miles each way to work and 10 pick ups from a local area about 2 miles away after work.

He said he would "pay me" but like all our talks about money it ended with an argument. He finally agreed on £5 (a taxi would cost £15). He's terrible at paying me money and I often get it months later. For the local.pick ups he said he'd give me access to all.if his streaming services. I was ok with this and thought we'd made a fair agreement. Last night he got home from work and I asked why he hadn't called me to pick.him up. He made some comment about me charging him. I said we'd agreed on me using his streaming services to which he blew up saying how much he pays for them etc. I told him to forget it and I deleted them all. He said ill judt give you petrol money and I said I wouldn't be picking him up again. This morning he got a taxi to work. my friend tells me to chuck him out but I'm used to him being there and the rent money helps me whil I'm trying to.find a full time job. He makes me feel.like I'm some kind of gold digger when it comes to money and says he pays my bills. I've told him yes he pays rent but if he rented elsewhere he'd be paying more and would be paying someone else bills. He wont give notice and if I gave him notice he'd paint me as a horrible person for kicking him out. Amy questions are, would be unreasonable to ask for more rent?? is ,£5 for a lift to work bad? why are men like this? is withholding money owed abuse? please help!!!

Are you going to sacrifice yourself and your home and your peace and your happiness to appease the mother of your twat ex, who clearly has terrible judgement herself?

Ok so be a doormat for the rest of your life, they'll all think you are weak and a pushover.

Seriously though, why do you care what other people think?

He is a lodger. Zero rights.

You can literally get him out today.

The only reason his mum is so nice to you is because she knows exactly what her son is like and doesn't want him to have to come and live with her. She'd much prefer it if you put up with him instead.

Jeez....

You've served notice.
Enforce it - Kick him out and re-let to a nice tidy lady for £700 pm or so and go about liviing your good life.

Then block and delete the fucker and stay single for a while.

Poor boundaries. OP needs therapy.

People are already thinking you're a mug for putting up with him

Get him out, you can get more money from a nicer lodger that doesn’t damage your mental health. It will be easier to find a job without his influence too. Notice for lodgers can be minimal. I’d give him more than the legal limit but say if he’s abusive you will shorten it. Who cares if his mum ends up hating you, you probably won’t see her again.

This man is a parasite and you are letting him leech off you. He is abusing you and you don’t seem to see it. You behaviour towards him is very passive. Any man wanting me to drop him off at work early in the morning, whinging about having to pay me petrol would be told to fuck off very quickly.
Somehow you need to find the resolution to get rid of him for good. Do you have anyone who can help with the process? Would the Citizens Advice be able to help you? Do you have anyone to confide in?

The only thing you can do about this is stop being so weak. That is down to you.

Get him out.
Get therapy.
Get a cat.

The worse thing was thrre were 2 bank holidayscand I did 3 mornings in a row. my only consolation is that I did put my food down yesterday and he had to pay for a taxi!

Kick him out, get a new lodger if you need the money. Stop.giving him lifts, stop doing his washing, stop taking him shopping.

He needs to move nearer to his workplace. This is the solution that is healthiest.

When I was in my mid 20s and doing my PhD, I paid my mum £400 / month for rent. I also had my own car and contributed to the tv licence and food and utilities. How old is this chap??

. Stop doing his washing, cooking and cleaning. Clean up after yourself only. Time to lock down on that behaviour. Invite friends and family over when you want and live in your space. Stop picking him up and dropping him off. Write down to memory all of the trips that you have picked him up and get him to acknowledge them, and possibly sign them. You may need to use that at a solicitor’s. It’s time to go lock down. Get the locks changed and purposely do not give him keys. Time to give him notice on the room and start advertising so that potential tenants can see what you are offering and more importantly, find out how much they would be willing to pay. And most importantly, tell real life friends. You need them to understand what you are going through, and a real friend will be there, and will turn up. I know that I would, and I have too. A friend had a similar thing happen, and I made a concerted effort of going by unannounced and staying over, playing music that we liked and living in the shared spaces, pointing out muck that he created etc.

Forget the taxis and lifts!!!!!!

Fucking kick him out....

Why are you doing this to yourself? Stop doing a thing for him. No lifts. No cooking. No washing. He's not your child but you're treating him as tho he were.

Give him 2 weeks notice and get a new fabulous lodger (or two, change his lounge into another bedroom, double your money!) Stop letting this cocklodger take advantage of you.

Can't believe anyone would be so weak. Get rid of him.

It's no one's business !
He is absolutely abusing you , if you can't get rid of him yourself go and speak to the police for advice .
You can't live your life for this vile man , 12 years !!!!!
What advice would you give a friend in the same position ?

This is a very, very bizarre setup and relationship. I honestly don't think anyone can say anything to make you see sense, since you've put up with this man and his behaviour for over a decade - and keep making excuses for why you can't chuck him out. What actually is the point of this thread?