Has anyone dealt with an overbearing or unsettling neighbour?

[Angelic999]

Has anyone ever experienced overbearing or creepy neighbour behaviour? I don't want to give too many outing details, but a male neighbour is giving me the creeps.

He always pops out when I do, he has a camera on his home so can easily see when I come and go (obviously I can't prove he is watching me but it seems a bit too coincidental). He's always doing 'jobs' on the side of the house that backs onto mine so I can't leave my house without passing him. Every time I leave my house or come home he always shouts over to me to banter (I think he thinks he's flirting ) even when I avoid eye contact. He took my number from a whatsapp group and started messaging me 1-1 with things like "got your parcel, will bring it round later on".

I've started dreading leaving my house. He also parks near me so say I'm getting shopping out my car, lo and behold he needs to pop something in his car too. 😫

There's nothing explicit, and he does it all under the guise of "friendly neighbour" but it gives me the creeps. I live in a neighbourly place with a lot of retired folk (he isn't he works) so lots of people do chat to each other lots.

I don't mind small talk, but he's making me feel uncomfortable.

Do you have a burly male friend you could bring round so neighbour thinks you’ve got a partner (assuming you don’t have one)

To begin with, I would leave the group and block his number. What is the group for? My road is on the ‘my neighbourhood’ app or something similar, I’ve never joined it and don’t know what it’s for.

Some men take any interaction as an invitation. You'll probably need to be quite rude, as in just ignore him in the future, don't engage in small talk.
Any yes leave the group and block. This is one reason I would never join a school/neighbourhood group, don't want a load of randoms having my number because guaranteed there'll be someone just like your neighbour over stepping.
Try not to order parcels unless you know you'll be home to receive them or just get them delivered to the storage boxes that are everywhere now.

That sounds awful. Are you renting or with a mortgage?

Unless moving in the near future I’d consider putting in a Claire’s law request about him.

No, that's probably why he's 'targeting' me as I'm the only single woman near his age although I'd estimate he's about 15 years older than me at least- most are very elderly.

I didn't realise you could do Clare's law about anyone, I thought it was only romantic partners.

Yes, in his head he might have conjured up a very different reality. I made the mistake of fake laughing at some of his relentless jokes initially. I won't be doing that again!

You're not overreacting and you're not being unfriendly by feeling creeped out — trust that gut feeling, it's there for a reason. What you're describing isn't "friendly neighbour", it's a pattern: timing his appearances to yours, using a camera to track your movements, getting your number without asking and using it as an excuse to turn up at your door, engineering reasons to be near your car. Individually each bit sounds deniable ("just being neighbourly!"), but you're not looking at each bit — you're looking at the pattern, and the pattern is surveillance and control dressed up as friendliness.

A few practical things:

• Start keeping a log — dates, times, what he said/did. Screenshot the WhatsApp messages. If this ever needs to go further (informal chat via mediation, landlord/housing association, or police for harassment), a log matters far more than "he's just always around, it's creepy."

• Don't engage beyond minimal, flat responses. No banter back, no explaining why you're avoiding him — that just gives him material to work with. "Cheers" and keep walking is enough.

• Block or mute 1-1 messages if you can, or at minimum stop replying to anything that isn't a genuine practical necessity (e.g. an actual parcel issue).

• Vary your routine slightly if you can — not because you should have to, but because breaking predictability sometimes de-escalates this type of behaviour faster than confrontation does.
• If you have a partner, friend, or family member who can occasionally do the coming/going with you for a bit, that changes the dynamic too.

Two questions worth sitting with: does he do this to other women on the street, or does it feel like it's specifically fixated on you? And has it escalated at all since it started, or plateaued? Both are useful for judging whether this stays "uncomfortable, manage and monitor" or tips into "time to report it."
You don't need an explicit incident before you're allowed to feel unsafe. Trust yourself on this one.

The old goat across the road doesn't discriminate against women on the grounds of age or marital status - he's an equal opportunities pervert. He's one of these men who starts of by saying something innocuous and then tips over into innuendo.

To be fair, he's looking quite poorly now, so I guess his days of bothering women are numbered. One of the neighbours apparently feels sorry for him, in spite of the fact that the spoke in an inappropriate manner to her teenage daughter.

I have no sympathy for him at all. The only way of dealing with him (I have found) is to ignore him as much as possible. I now only say hello to him if he greets me first.

Sure the op could of put that into chat gpt herself, don't post AI replies it's weird.

Oh shut up if you don't like it move on

What is chat gpt

https://letmegooglethat.com/?q=what+is+chatgpt

Thanks for the information. I havenever used Chat GPT andnever will and that other person needs to mind their own business if they have nothing positive to add.

I haven't had this exact variety of creepy male neighbour, but, as a single female, I've had some unwanted behaviour from male neighbours who see women living alone as a target of some kind. My last neighbour wanted to boss me around and then when I made it clear that he had no authority over me, that it didn't extend over the garden fence, he became enraged and hostile (it was one of the reasons I recently moved house). In the end I warned him in writing that all future contact regarding any essential neighbour matters must be via his solicitors, or I'd report him to the police. Then it stopped.

So yeah, it's definitely creepy, and this can start out with him being what he imagines is 'flirty' but can change to hostility.

In this scenario I would block this man on your phone for a start. With parcels, safest to have them delivered to a locker or collection point, and/or, if there's a delivery instruction option, put, DO NOT LEAVE WITH NEIGHBOUR AT No.38. Be on an imaginary (or real) phone call when entering or leaving your house to avoid conversation. Get a Ring camera yourself.

I hope he's not your immediate next door neighbour.

I had a similar neighbour. He would so things like stand in the doorway and wouldnt move so youd have to squeeze past. He was also very creepy to my other female neighbours. In the end he became even more unhinged and the police had to have a word. It stopped. We lived in a small block at the time of 4 flats. As you are in a house I would just not engage at all. Do not make eye contact or anything. Pretend youre always on the phone when entering and leaving. I would also put your own cameras up. Be safe out there.