Just having the worst week of my life, will it ever end?

[MyStalingrad]

Hello,

This is just me screaming into the void because I'm having a really tough time and I'm honestly at breaking point.

My partner was away on a business trip from Monday until Thursday evening, so I've been solo-parenting our toddler, who is two months away from turning three.

On Monday afternoon our fridge and freezer died. I had to throw away everything that had defrosted (mush), plus a lot of the food from the fridge. Since then I've been improvising with a big plastic tub full of water and ice cubes that our lovely neighbours keep topping up for us. Another neighbour has a box of our fish fingers in their freezer.

Then I got some test results back from my GP. Thankfully all my samples were clear, and my bloods were fine apart from one Ovarian marker that's very slightly raised (36 when it should be under 35). I've got an ultrasound with the hospital's radiology department first thing tomorrow morning to check my ovaries and have a gynae scan. I'm trying to tell myself it'll all be fine, but I've also been getting stabbing pains on my right-hand side. Maybe it's ovulation pain. Maybe it's stress. Maybe it's something else. My brain is doing what brains do.

This is where shit gets shit.

Last night I was brushing my toddler's teeth when I spotted a little dark brown bug by the bathroom radiator, low down. Took a photo because I thought, "Surely not..." Checked it online after I'd put todfler to sleep.

Yep. Cockroach.

Grabbed it with a bit of tissue, chucked it out bathroom window.

My partner thinks it's probably just one that's wandered in because of the heat and that I'm overreacting. I wasn't willing to take the chance, so I've already paid for pest control to come on Monday.

Then today my stepdaughter came home from school, later when I got in from work she immediately asked if I could help with a bug in her bedroom. My heart absolutely sank. I grabbed the hoover, but the little bugger disappeared before I could catch it. At that point I was genuinely panicking, although I tried not to show it in front of her. She overheard me on the phone to her dad explaining that we might actually have a problem.

I keep.thinking, fucking why? I'm so house proud, the place is so clean. We have a cleaner who comes once a week. I do.in between cleans. My partner has a GP at me for being obsessive and wanting to live in an "Architectural Design" home. I do like things super clean and tidy.

I rang a South African friend, who basically said we should be trying to expedite the pest control process, get one in sooner. My partner still thinks I'm making too much of it.

Then came tonight.

When my partner finally got home from his trip, we went to a local pizza chain. It was fairly quiet because it's being Thursday and what with there a major tournament on.

Our toddler had actually been really well behaved all evening. He's just obsessed with steps and climbing on things, and I think he was tired, hot, excited to see his dad and happy to be with his big sister.

While his dad was paying the bill, he let go of my hand and ran across the restaurant. Before I could catch him, he went behind a woman sitting at another table and pinched her really hard with both hands.

She screamed.

I ran over immediately, apologised profusely and tried to get him to apologise too. Of course he wouldn't. He's not even three and thought the whole thing had become a game.

The lady was understandably upset and said, "That's not cool."

I apologised again and explained that he isn't even three years old. She wouldn't accept the apology and seemed disgusted that he couldn't be made to apologise himself.

I completely understand why she was upset. It probably hurt, especially because - fucking idiot that I am - his nails desperately needed cutting. I'm a day or two behind with them. I feel awful about that.

But I also found the whole interaction really triggering.

I'm the youngest of three, and my middle brother is autistic. Not just on the spectrum, properly autistic. Growing up, whenever he had a meltdown or behaved unexpectedly, I remember all the cold, judgemental stares from strangers. Tonight just took me straight back there.

Maybe that lady has her own trauma too. Maybe she's experienced domestic abuse or something similar so my toddler pinching her was horrendous for her I don't know. . Maybe we were both carrying things in that moment.

I cried all the way home.

My toddler got told off. His big sister was brilliant at explaining why what he'd done wasn't okay.

When we got home I brushed his teeth and immediately got the nail clippers out. I was so determined to sort it that I think I was probably too firm with him. Now I feel absolutely horrible. It feels like I hurt my little boy because I was reacting to a stranger's reaction.

Now I'm sitting here crying my eyes out, typing this, while also needing to set an alarm because I have to be at the hospital first thing tomorrow morning.

Please be kind. I'm really on the edge tonight.

Wishing you well @MyStalingrad , I really hope your appt goes as well as it can and that things get easier. It sounds like a super tough week.

I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time.

I’m hoping you have the day off today due to your doctors appointment?

Forget about the lady, punching incident and you being ‘too rough’.
I’m promise your little one would have forgotten all about it already.

Forget about the bugs for now and just keep an eye on it over the next couple of days.

Measure your current fridge freezer and order a new one from a place that will remove your old one.
Bag up all of the defrosted food and take it to the dump.

Once you’ve been to the dump and ordered a new fridge freezer, then you can deal with the results of your doctors appointment.

Big hug @MyStalingrad . That all sounds completely overwhelming and in this heat too.

I hope things start to dial back a bit.

Three year olds really can be the work of the devil can't they?

I feel for the OP but no the woman was not 'mean'. She was probably just shocked. Maybe she made a bit of a deal out of it, but she might also have been having a rough week and also it is very annoying to have people, even toddlers, invade your space like that. 'Not cool' is the perfect description. As I say, I'm not blaming the OP at all, shit happens, but that doesn't mean the woman was wrong to be upset.

I actually think that's hilarious and most men I know would laugh, as well. I think that's a bit different from scratching and pinching (although I would obviously also apologise profusely)

What I think is "not cool" is the lady that didn't accept the apology. He's just a baby himself for goodness' sake and they're still learning impulse control at that age.

Anyway, I think you've been doing fabulous job all week OP. I really hope it isn't a serious roach problem. I also don't think you're overreacting about it. In fact, especially with a 2 year old, I think you need to be proactive about these things. I hope it resolves quickly and that everything works out fine with your scan. You sound very on top of things and capable (and have a lovely clean, tidy home - I would love for my home to look like it was out of an architecture magazine. I think your DP/H doesn't realise he's actually quite lucky being paired with someone houseproud).

Sending love x

I really feel for your shit week but at 2y10m a toddler should absolutely be able to apologise, even if it’s a bit perfunctory. I think you were too dismissive of his behaviour on account of his age. Pinching a stranger is unusual behaviour, what’s his speech like? Best of luck for your scan.

apologies I just saw you did try to make him say sorry - ignore my post

Sweetheart, youve had one hell of a week.
And i just want to say, forget about everything you cant change or youll get eaten alive by life.

I could write a similar post most weeks, believe me... life is chaotic with young kids-

Especially more so when neurodivergence runs through the family (3 kids, 2 diagnosed with Autism, one of which is non verbal and 4, with a developmental age of 12-18 months, 3rd in assessment process but im constantly told, when hes old enough he needs assessing for ADHD too) ...then theres me. Pretty certain theres neurodivergence here, im quite married to the idea of there being a "right" way to do things and always trying to do things "well" and it leads to quite a lot of conflict with people around me who are much more relaxed.

Im being long winded, but i see similarities between us and I try really hard... so please know that there are people out there who understand, live similarly and the only thing you can really do is learn to be kind to yourself and think, it cant get worse can it! Stripping away the anxiety of it all helps, if you can.

Omg OP you are being so so hard on yourself. If id had that week I would have been halfway to the fare. Just to zero in on the restaurant part - if a toddler, and thats what he is, a toddler - had done that to me i would have 100% not reacted how that woman did. Hes a child! Its hot, he was tired, you intervened and its not like he was 7 years old. Please dont take her reaction to heart you have beaten yourself up enough. You are mentally depleted and need to practice some self compassion. You will also never see that woman again (or unlikely) so just remember that. In a few days when the dust settles all will be better I promise.

Please try not to panic. You've had a run of bad luck is all. It's highly likely things will get better.

In regards to roaches, just call a local pest controller with good reviews. I think the hot weather is making them more common in the UK. It doesn't mean your home is dirty. You know that it's not.

Wishing you luck with the medical stuff. Whatever it is it's good it's getting looked at. And your bloods were nearly all perfect so severe illness is unlikely. So again try not to worry.

Your child did something bad, he was told off, you did the best you could and of course you feel embarrassed and empathy for the lady he hurt. But it's done now. No point dwelling on the past.

Hi Op my only contribution to your message is that woman was the one who looked embarrassing in that situation not you, imagine being that annoyed about a toddler doing something, it's laughable . Also to share just one of many, many anecdotes of my own in case it makes you feel any better, I was an incredibly self conscious parent when my kids were younger, wanted them to behave perfectly whenever we were out. First time out with the three of them, including a newborn, at Morrisons cafe, my eldest disappeared for a second when we were sitting down to eat. When we got up to go I realised he'd shaken a poo out of his nappy, and it had been there for a solid half an hour with literally every person in the cafe walking past and seeing it very evidently coming from our table. I'd been smiling at them all completely oblivious. Wanted to die when I saw it sitting there plain as day in the middle of the floor. My mum also loves telling the story of how she was meeting a new group of mums for the first time, and I went straight up to one of the other children and bit them hard on the bum. Great first impression. Still friends with the girl 35 years later. I think more than anything you are in need of a good nights sleep and a strong cup of tea. Things will feel better soon.

You’re having a bad week and the heat is probably exacerbating it. Wallow in self pity for the rest of the week and have some small treats (I normally have some junk food, normally fried chicken) and then reset and lock in next week! You got this champ!

I haven't time to write a lot, but I'm sorry you've had an awful week.

My son once pinched a girl next to him at preschool at 3. I was mortified, so was dh. Neither of my lovely kids had ever done or have since laid a hand on anyone - he's now 16 and the most smart, kind gentle young man you could meet.

Sometimes these things are a strange flash in the pan. Don't worry, let it go. As long as you explain what's acceptable and what's not, hold that line, maybe give a consequence if appropriate, then all will be well.

Just reminded me of my situation.

I send you all the best that your week improves.

Sending solidarity from someone also facing a catalogue of unfortunate incidents.

Re cockroaches, look up wood cockroaches - after lots of research this is what we think have been visiting us. It is not an infestation and they are completely harmless. Try telling that to my daughter though!

Oh that’s an awful week I am sorry

Separately they all rubbish but manageable but the accumulative affect just chips away until you have nothing left to give

Be kind
Rest as best you can
Regroup and plan some nice easy stuff for next week

Oh OP what a week you've had! If you can, ask your partner to sort the cockroach problem and a new fridge and have a few hours to yourself, outside of the house...you've earned it. Somewhere with good air con! Really hope you have a better week next week 💐

You need to relax OP. Nothing that bad actually happened…. Your toddler pinched someone and she was grumpy about it, you’ll need to get pest control in and get a new fridge freezer.

Other than the medical results which have not come to fruition yet - That’s it. Annoying, yes, expensive, yes. But not a huge deal. All can be dealt with and forgotten within a week.

him, he went behind a woman sitting at another table and pinched her really hard with both hands.
She screamed.

he is 2?

and I imagine she screamed with shock and then she and her table indulgently laughed about it

It’s too many things all at once. Each one of these in isolation you could manage.

the restaurant lady by the way massively overreacted. If it were me and some woke parent came over with the ‘oh he’s just expressing himself’ blah i’d probably snap, but a mortified apologetic mum? No!

I definitely get your autism meltdown trauma by the way. Autistic son has had a few and it’s just awful the judgement. Changes you forever. For what it’s worth, it’s made me tolerant to the point of being TOO tolerant. When a dog bit my kid in a restaurant i didn’t want the other people to feel judged so i was understanding. Then afterwards was like wtf just happened i should have kicked off!!!

Hello,

First of all thank you again for the amazing messages of support and wisdom. I feel much, much better now. And for sharing some of your own "tales of woe" when it comes to toddlers, appliances, and infestations (I don't mean that sarcastically, meant in kind jest) that have helped me see the funny side.

Now for some good news: I saw the ultrasound medical technician, followed by a gyne doctor at Guys Hospital this morning, the first could see nothing untoward on my scans and it all looks completely normal in there. The doctor then just ran through the details and gave me a bit of an interview about my symptoms.

I don't think I really gave an overview here, but since I gave up breastfeeding at the end of 2025, I was expecting my weight to rebound, but it never happened. I've always been slim but post birth and breast feeding has left me pretty diminished and so my BMI is a bit borderline and I don't seem to be able to put on weight, no matter how many carbs I eat (my partner is Italian, so it's usually pretty easy to eat carbs in our household). So that left me feeling a bit anxious. I had my DS with me and she was like, well I can see you never sit down and you run around a lot, so obviously your burning a lot. Which is true. So I'm going to see a dietician about what else can be done, and I'll go back to my GP about getting my stress in check, probably with medication. I feel much better.

I spoke to my mum afterwards and she said she went through something very similar when she was my age, but didn't want to tell me before the appointment in case something was actually up.

I also didn't mention my work here, I work four days a week for now but it's in a stressful environment. I can't say too much, but very roughly, I work towards the application of quantum technologies to telecom security (early stages), so I have to be switched on at all times. Probably a bit like being a teacher I imagine (my dad was a secondary school teacher), you have to concentrate at all times.

I think a few people questioned if I'm on the spectrum. I don't think so, I work with a lot of brilliant people who are that way, and I don't see the similarities. I've always been good on picking up on people's emotions, reading between the lines, subtext etc. But that doesn't mean I don't have any other undiagnosed issues at play.

DS is two and 11 months, so he's about to turn three in August (he's not three yet, is what I'm saying).

As to my DS's behaviour, it was really out of character for him. That's what took me by surprise. The reports I get from nursery is that he is very kind to others, hugs his friends a lot. Have always been about "gentle hands". He was so good in the restaurant, he wasn't marauding round the place a viking getting on people's nerves. He went up and down the stairs (that go up to the loos) a few times with my supervision because he loves climbing. But as I explained, the place was dead anyway with barely any patrons, so I didn't see the harm. He was bolted at the last minute and I thought he was going to do a lap and come back, when he stopped behind the woman and he raised his arms I just knew something bad was going to happen.

It was a shock he did that because he's always been pretty perfect. From birth he's been a wonderful sleeper, good-ish eater (I say ish because he has become pickier of late), very, very smiley and an all round happy chappie. Just a lovely temperament. Maybe this could be an issue but he's always had lots of praise poured on him from strangers because he's also incredibly sweet looking (big dark brown eyes and long lashes). The doctor commented on it, said he was really good. I explained about the previous night, for full transparency. Maybe it's that that's gone to his head a bit and feels infallible now like he can do as he pleases, but we are always firm with him and in our house actions have consequences. I don't think he's got the hang of cause and effect yet, buy I think it would be unfair of me to think he'd be able to grasp that at his at his age.

Very articulate, bi-lingual. Great comprehension, understands both English and Italian.

I think if it had just been the litany of issues from the fridge to the cockroaches, and my upcoming appointment nerves I would have been ok. It's just that last incident tipped me over the edge. I do try and remain stoic and grounded in the face of adversity - I had a lot of it growing up, my parents coped incredibly well with three kids, one of who was profoundly autistic - so I think I have good blueprint to work from. The heat hasn't helped.

Whenever I go through tough times I think of my two granddad's - particularly my dad's dad. Both my grandads served in WWII, both were at D-Day, but my paternal grandad was on the Artic convoy mission to the Soviet Union (HMS Belfast) and the amount of pressure he was under was unreal. My maternal grandad had an equally eventful war, but he was slightly younger, drove a tank in the Desert Rats and fought in the low countries, then all the way to Hamburg. I think being just that bit younger made it slightly more manageable, psychologically speaking. He wasn't yet married, like my other grandad. My partner is Jewish and also the grandson of Holocaust survivors, so again, I understand how strange and miraculous life can be.

I think I'm just run down that's all. I need a holiday I suppose......

Oh and just to say, before this thread I never realise that cockroaches were that common in the UK, I associate them with badly run fast food joints, and squats maybe. Now I know a bit more about it. It's was the second one that utterly threw me through a loop. It crawled on my step daughter's arm too, poor thing... I'm

I hope your weekend is awesome @MyStalingrad

Glad to see from your up date that your scan went well but jese op if this is the worst week of your life you're pretty damn fortunate.
Your fridge/freezer broke, you have a couple of bugs in your house, you had a marginally raised blood parameter and your toddler kicked off in a restaurant. I don't mean to be rude but hardly worst week of my life type stuff.

Glad your appointment went well OP.

Everything else is something that won't matter in a few weeks time, you'll laugh about your toddler grabbing that woman for years to come I'm sure! Toddlers are unpredictable creatures. You're all safe and healthy, spending money on a new fridge isn't ideal but hopefully you're financially secure enough to replace it relatively quickly.