Just having the worst week of my life, will it ever end?

[MyStalingrad]

Hello,

This is just me screaming into the void because I'm having a really tough time and I'm honestly at breaking point.

My partner was away on a business trip from Monday until Thursday evening, so I've been solo-parenting our toddler, who is two months away from turning three.

On Monday afternoon our fridge and freezer died. I had to throw away everything that had defrosted (mush), plus a lot of the food from the fridge. Since then I've been improvising with a big plastic tub full of water and ice cubes that our lovely neighbours keep topping up for us. Another neighbour has a box of our fish fingers in their freezer.

Then I got some test results back from my GP. Thankfully all my samples were clear, and my bloods were fine apart from one Ovarian marker that's very slightly raised (36 when it should be under 35). I've got an ultrasound with the hospital's radiology department first thing tomorrow morning to check my ovaries and have a gynae scan. I'm trying to tell myself it'll all be fine, but I've also been getting stabbing pains on my right-hand side. Maybe it's ovulation pain. Maybe it's stress. Maybe it's something else. My brain is doing what brains do.

This is where shit gets shit.

Last night I was brushing my toddler's teeth when I spotted a little dark brown bug by the bathroom radiator, low down. Took a photo because I thought, "Surely not..." Checked it online after I'd put todfler to sleep.

Yep. Cockroach.

Grabbed it with a bit of tissue, chucked it out bathroom window.

My partner thinks it's probably just one that's wandered in because of the heat and that I'm overreacting. I wasn't willing to take the chance, so I've already paid for pest control to come on Monday.

Then today my stepdaughter came home from school, later when I got in from work she immediately asked if I could help with a bug in her bedroom. My heart absolutely sank. I grabbed the hoover, but the little bugger disappeared before I could catch it. At that point I was genuinely panicking, although I tried not to show it in front of her. She overheard me on the phone to her dad explaining that we might actually have a problem.

I keep.thinking, fucking why? I'm so house proud, the place is so clean. We have a cleaner who comes once a week. I do.in between cleans. My partner has a GP at me for being obsessive and wanting to live in an "Architectural Design" home. I do like things super clean and tidy.

I rang a South African friend, who basically said we should be trying to expedite the pest control process, get one in sooner. My partner still thinks I'm making too much of it.

Then came tonight.

When my partner finally got home from his trip, we went to a local pizza chain. It was fairly quiet because it's being Thursday and what with there a major tournament on.

Our toddler had actually been really well behaved all evening. He's just obsessed with steps and climbing on things, and I think he was tired, hot, excited to see his dad and happy to be with his big sister.

While his dad was paying the bill, he let go of my hand and ran across the restaurant. Before I could catch him, he went behind a woman sitting at another table and pinched her really hard with both hands.

She screamed.

I ran over immediately, apologised profusely and tried to get him to apologise too. Of course he wouldn't. He's not even three and thought the whole thing had become a game.

The lady was understandably upset and said, "That's not cool."

I apologised again and explained that he isn't even three years old. She wouldn't accept the apology and seemed disgusted that he couldn't be made to apologise himself.

I completely understand why she was upset. It probably hurt, especially because - fucking idiot that I am - his nails desperately needed cutting. I'm a day or two behind with them. I feel awful about that.

But I also found the whole interaction really triggering.

I'm the youngest of three, and my middle brother is autistic. Not just on the spectrum, properly autistic. Growing up, whenever he had a meltdown or behaved unexpectedly, I remember all the cold, judgemental stares from strangers. Tonight just took me straight back there.

Maybe that lady has her own trauma too. Maybe she's experienced domestic abuse or something similar so my toddler pinching her was horrendous for her I don't know. . Maybe we were both carrying things in that moment.

I cried all the way home.

My toddler got told off. His big sister was brilliant at explaining why what he'd done wasn't okay.

When we got home I brushed his teeth and immediately got the nail clippers out. I was so determined to sort it that I think I was probably too firm with him. Now I feel absolutely horrible. It feels like I hurt my little boy because I was reacting to a stranger's reaction.

Now I'm sitting here crying my eyes out, typing this, while also needing to set an alarm because I have to be at the hospital first thing tomorrow morning.

Please be kind. I'm really on the edge tonight.

Don’t stress about the toddler the lady is right in that it wasn’t “cool” but fgs he is not even 3 as you have said yourself . They all do stuff like that at that age has your son been in nursery ? I used to get letters every week “child A bit your son” or “child b threw a toy at your son” the worst ones were the ones I would get saying my son bit or hit a child but I would get those too . I absolutely hate cockroaches so I can see why you are freaked out but you have only seen 1 and pest control is booked so it’s all good . I’d imagine it’s something to do with the weather

Everyone is stressed from the unusual heat - assuming you are in the UK. Plus you’ve had a very stressful week topped by a very stressful event just when you thought you could finally relax a bit on a meal out.

The woman in the restaurant was probably shocked more than hurt that much. It’s understandable she was upset but still … toddlers are unpredictable, a bit crazy but don’t mean any malice.

Today is a new day and things could look completely different in a few days after your appointment and after the pest control man has visited, and when you have a new freezer and your husband home etc. Be kind to yourself @MyStalingrad you’ve gone through a lot.

That woman was really mean. I get it was a bit of a shock but can you ever imagine refusing to forgive a three year and laying into their mother like that? I never would. If someone refuses to give another person grace for an accident or mistake that's up to them, but don't take it on yourself. You never have to see her again, so just let it out of your head.

As for the cockroaches, we live in the tropics and often have them wander in but don't have an infestation. They like damp environments and I swear they come into the house more when it's dry outside. It's probably temporary because of the weather. Definitely no reflection on cleanliness. Try not to worry. Even if you have to get fumigated it's a pretty simple process, just have to leave the house for half a day and air it out after the treatment. We had to have it done every couple of months when we lived in West Africa, not our choice but it does work. Now in Asia and don't have the fumigations, I had a day a couple months ago where I saw two cockroaches (including a GIANT and very rambunctious one) in the space of an hour and then none since that.

You've got a lot on OP. Good luck for the medical appointment, mostly these things turn out to be nothing.

If I was the lady in the restaurant, and an out if control toddler came over and hurt me, I too would be absolutely fucking furious - regardless that he is only 3. Sorry, but its the parents responsibility to control their child. You should be mortified.

Sorry but no, a three year old doesn't "intend to hurt," he shouldn't have done it but you're projecting an adult thought on him there, he may not have realised how much it would hurt at all. Not right, as OP told him, and the lady has the right to be annoyed if she chooses, but it's certainly not a sign he deliberately set out to hurt somebody. Three year olds have different levels of understanding (and develop dramatically from 3 to 4) so no point asserting it is "old enough" that he definitely understood the impacts of what he was doing.

Can't you refrain? She is, and she apologised, and feels bad, so what do you get out of putting the boot in? Need to make yourself feel better about something?

She apologised fgs sometimes things like this happen . If you would be furious and dwell on something like this with an infant when the parent was already clearly embarrassed and apologised you need to grow a thicker skin and get over yourself .

What an awful week. I’d forget about the restaurant incident. It shouldn’t have happened but your Dd is a toddler. Don’t worry about the ladies reaction, as you say she may have other things going on, and it’s a bit shocking as she wouldn’t have been expecting it. I have ASD and would have reacted much worse then she did as I don’t do well with being unexpectedly touched like that and it would have hurt. I wouldn’t have meant to react but I would have.

That's a lot to be dealing with, Op.

The only thing that I think was in your control which I would have handled differently (hindsight is a wonderful thing!) was trying to get your 3 year old to apologise, once he had refused that should have been it from his side, you had apologised, there's not much more that you could have done.

I hope today goes better.

Cockroaches are unpleasant but are usually easily dealt with. I used to live in large old apartment building where pest control regularly came to put down anti cockroach products.

My partner has a GP at me

I think they are bound by strict codes aren't they?

Get your husband to buy a fridge freezer today. Online if you have to. You can’t go without one!
Pest control is in hand. Scans are in hand.
keep breathing!!!
Also do a lot of solo parenting and have a four yo who can be hell. I know how you feel!! I spent 17k on a new car during a week like the one you are having - it was one thing after another and then I tried to meet a friend and her baby for a coffee and the bloody car wouldn’t start. I had a basil fawlty moment and just screamed ‘right THATS IT’ 😂

the week will pass!! There will be new problems. Keep breathing! Don’t let your husband minimise how you feel- he’s there to be your partner through it. Hugs!

I think is easy to lose perspective a bit (which isn’t intended critically, I know I’ve done the same.) No one is terminally ill, no one has lost everything to debt or been accused of malpractice at work or committed a criminal offence. When you boil it down, a toddler did something unprecedented which you apologised for, a household appliance stopped working and you found a couple of bugs. It’s not a big deal. Annoying but largely insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

Quite!

What a week! I hope you had a good cry and got some sleep. Good luck with your appointment and I hope the week gets better.

I agree with this. I kept reading thinking ok, where is the awful bit.

Take some days off work and regroup, OP.

Op the stranger that reacted that way- I’d less assume it was something in her past and more assume she just reacted a certain way. You might need to start thinking like that, your son behaved badly but she was shocked because he pinched her and her reaction wasn’t to accept your apology and maybe she went home and thought’crap I didn’t react the best!’ Now maybe she hates kids/ is judging you yada yada yada, but probably she just reacted that way. Hope the week gets better x

Good luck with your appointment, I hope you get good news.

Don’t stress about your son. There isn’t a mother out there that hasn’t gone nuclear on their kids from time to time then felt guilty afterwards. It stops them growing up to be arseholes so it’s for the greater good in the long run.

The woman will be over it by now. She was pinched by a toddler, it was hardly a brutal assault. And no you can’t force a young child into an apology so if she wanted one then too bad. She’ll understand if she ever has kids of her own.

But OP is mortified. That's why she was so cross with her child.
How is your comment remotely kind or helpful?

💐💐💐
Good luck today, OP.

You've actually coped amazingly with a horrid week in a heatwave. Onwards and upwards.

Id try to break it down, none of these issues are linked.

Your husband was away (and he sounds unsympathetic). He is now back - which means that whether he has empathy or not, you can start sharing the load again.

The cockroaches - I totally understand how you feel. I had ants in the kitchen a few weeks ago and was near hysterical, it makes me not want to eat anything in the house! However, you've got someone coming out on Monday, this WILL be fixed!

The fridge freezer. Very annoying but priority number one is get a new one. They'll deliver them and plug them in from Currys.

Your sons behaviour. Obviously he was extremely out of line. I have to say I probably would have behaved the same as the woman. It is okay for her to be pissed off, you have to accept that's a valid reaction, and also know that you apologised and did what you could in the moment. What matters now is to speak to your son and ensure he knows not to do that again, and that you know to keep a really tight hold on him in future (it sounds like you've done this bit already!).

The heat makes adults tired too. Give yourself a break. And give him a break. Wanting him.to.apologise at three when tired and hot under those circumstances is let's face it not going to happen it's unfortunate the lady had unrealistic expectations. Do what's right for him, you can't control.the responses of others.
You are doing ok. It will be ok.

That is a seriously shit week. But you got through it. In this horrible heatwave. You deserve a medal.

Toddlers do mean things without realising. The woman was right to be upset and you were right to be angry and upset too. Negative emotions are allowed. They exist for a reason. You don't have to act like a Stepford wife with a smile plastered on at all times.

You will get a new fridge. Your son will grow up and learn right from wrong. The heatwave will pass.

It's good you are being tested. When I had pain like that, it was an ovarian cyst that burst. Not actually dangerous. NHS did nothing at all. It was just painful at the time. But if it is serious, they will catch it.

Try to think of it this way: all the shit came at once so you should have a few good weeks in store. Everyone is still alive. It won't matter in five year's time. Or a year. Or a month.

I have to admit but I would be upset too. If they gave me a quick little pinch, I would have laughed about it- thought, oh their just playing. But he "pinched her really hard with both hands" and "it probably hurt because his nails desperately needed cutting". She screamed so it probably did hurt, so yes I would be really mad and wonder why the parent wasn't minding their child.

Bugs are just a thing at the moment with windows and doors being open more - hopefully it was just a tourist who got lost x

Meh my nephew shouted “Gladiators Ready - Contestants Ready” & manage to run full pelt into some poor chaps jewels. Also refused to apologise as he had won & contestant was down 🤷‍♀️

Hear just bringing out the crazy right now