Things you wish you'd never had to explain to someone

[TalcandSandMagic]

Asking about things you wish you'd never had to explain to someone.
I'll go first: I had to explain to my children that a couple dieing, one shortly after the other is a thing, after their Gran died within 4 months of their Grandad

I'm sorry for your loss.

When asked how many DGC I have, I take a moment to gauge the response I want to explain.
I have 3 DGC and 1 angel DGC, so do I explain the loss we suffered or ignore my beautiful angel's existence.

Tricky dilemma every time.

ah, I’m so sorry to hear that.
yes, so hard to gauge what impact you want to have on a conversation

I’ve had to tell my ds about far too many deaths. I’m absolutely terrible at it.

When my youngest was in reception, his teacher was pregnant and there was great excitement amongst all the children. Sadly, her baby girl only lived a few days and was found to have conditions incompatible with life which weren't picked up in utero. We were sent a letter by the school asking us to explain to our children what had happened. It was a difficult conversation explaining to a 4 year old that sometimes babies have illnesses and die. He asked me if baby was in heaven and even though it's not something I believe, I said yes as I thought that would be more comforting 😔

Why I was the sole person to attend a funeral.

Why I had got to stay.

Chatting with my youngest son (18) and had to explain about miscarriage and the loss of his sister

Why I didn't get on the plane.

Everytime someone asks how many siblings I have and I pause because I want to say 2 but I can't as my second is a secret 😔 so I just say one...

@TalcandSandMagic I’m sorry for your loss.
Explaining to my 8 year old, who was so excited about her sibling, what a miscarriage is broke me. She was devastated.

I have the opposite problem!

When I had to tell 10 and almost 8 year old DC that the new cousins they were so excited for had been stillborn.

Ah, such heart breaking stories. I don’t think there is an easy way to break someone’s heart

No. Definitely not. 🥹

Dilemma of number of siblings here too. Sometimes I say 1 - in sister living abroad. Sometimes I say 2 - the one abroad and the one I’m NC with.

I wish I didn’t have to explain that I’m not a bad parent because I can’t make my son do the same activity that all the other children are doing. His additional needs mean that he doesn’t understand how to do those things and we’re both trying our best.

What rape is to my daughter and how much men hate us. Not to be trapped anywhere with a male on her own. We’re moving to a new, bigger town soon - hopefully a safer one - but warning to be careful around all males. She’s 15 going on 16 so a prime target. Soon it’ll be not to drink in public, don’t wear this, don’t walk like that etc.

This kind of issue is what came to mind when I read the op. My DD is only 10 but I think about when is right to let her know about male harassment, and the male gaze in general. I know for me it started 11/12 and I was totally unprepared. I want to prepare her but also not give her a skewed or unhealthy view of men in the process. Really hard to navigate.

I had a brother and sister. If I’m asked about siblings, sometimes I say I’m one of three - but never for people who I am likely to have to talk to on more regular basis. Sometimes I say I have a brother. And sometimes I give the full answer, that I have a brother and a dead sister.

It varies, according to the situation. Not mentioning her doesn’t mean I am denying her existence - there are just times when it’s not fair to another person to mention her. And there’s other times, even 18 years after she died, when it upsets me too much to talk about her.

A friend of mine was pregnant and my (then ) 5 year old was so excited

She couldn't wait for the baby to come along so she could 'help'

Friend sadly had a stillbirth and I (badly) had to explain death,how sometimes babies die and that led to a whole load of questions about when would she die?

I really felt I'd done it all wrong but she seemed to accept it

This is such a sad thread. 😔
When someone asks about ds's SEND I have to explain firstly FASD and secondly that he's adopted so I don't get the blame.

I used to work abroad in an organisation that specialised in trying to combat the trafficiking of women and children for the sex and organ trade.

When asked, I tried to explain what I did to DH's best friend's wife. She was shocked, and he was furious that i had contaminated his precious wife's delicate mind with this. Neither of them have ever acknowledged my existence since. DH has been invted to big birthdays and their childrens confirmations etc. I am ignored because I had the temerity to 'upset her'.

DC3's rare genetic condition.

I have to explain to almost every HCP (barring her specialists) as well as people without medical backgrounds (teachers, SEN staff, support staff) as well as family, friends, school parents. It's amazing how much people forget / have to be reminded of.

FWIW it's not a life limiting condition in itself (there are co-morbidites that will impact life expectancy) and DC3 is an absolute joy but she will never live independently and I will be her carer - albeit to varying degrees depending on her needs as she gets older - until I die.

Having to explain it was very painful in the early days, like reliving the diagnosis and all the fear that came along with it but these days I have my 'spiel' down to a fine art and can explain a rare genetic condition to an 8yo or a 48yo in a few minutes.

So many sad losses and experiences here. I am sorry so many people have had to go through such difficult times ♥️

Most recently, to my 7yo that just because some people are her friends parents or people I speak to, that doesn't mean they are adults that she can trust and she mustn't go with them if they tell her to.

Yes, we’re not allowed to mention the enormity of male crimes against women and girls, are we!?

Poor men, always the bigger victims, always the ones with the most hurt feelings.

aaah yes, I hear you. Very sorry.

DS1 has a range of medical issues (thankfully not terminal). He's 16 now and I just rattle things off machine-gun like now to every new HCP he sees. There is a chance he might be able to live in sheltered accmmodation, relatively independently, but we are working hard towards that.

Just as an aside.... before many of his conditions got diagnosed I used to get annoyed with the inevitable eye rolls you get from HCP when returning again and again because of an issue. I'm perfectly capable of reading the handwritten note on the upside down form 'Overprotective mother'. It seems respect from some parts of the medical profession only comes with diagnosis, (and not even then) and not legitimate, observable concerns from the person who knows them best.