Things you wish you'd never had to explain to someone

[TalcandSandMagic]

Asking about things you wish you'd never had to explain to someone.
I'll go first: I had to explain to my children that a couple dieing, one shortly after the other is a thing, after their Gran died within 4 months of their Grandad

What stupid people 🙄

💐 to you all. On a lighter note, that I am not worried/upset this is just my face to people I only know a bit who have offered unasked for concern!
”Are you ok?” [with head tilt and concern]
me: “Yes, fuckoff“ instantly makes me grumpy even if I was fine before. now I just say yes - this is just my resting expression. I do know they mean well though but it gets tiresome and is sad to think I naturally look miserable!

Infertility. My friends couldn't have been more clueless. From 'maybe just adopt!' to 'what, you have to pay for IVF? Even when you don't get pregnant?' to 'You must be very desperate putting your body through that.. '. I had all of about 2 or 3 conversations about it and learned to never mention my troubles again. Luckily I had DC in the end so all well that ends well.

Yes that question of ‘how many children’ when one has died. It’s difficult every time. My dhs son in his 20s.

where do you live is another one.i live somewhere there are a lot of stereotypes about and you can see people running them through their head! Either thinking I’m super rich or very inbred!

I’m sorry to read these posts and wish everyone well.

My situation has been trying to explain to my DC why people hate Jews, why it’s prudent to not let on about being Jewish in public places, and why few non-Jewish people stand up for Jews.

Am not trying to be goady but just reflecting on this difficult conversation with them made me desperately sad.

See, it's ridiculous to even caveat your post with 'not trying to be goady'. I have been absolutely shocked at the anti semtism that has been prevalent and legitimised in the past few years. A friend of mine is Jewish and she asked me to 'not tell' anyone she was. Her disabled DS is having nigthmares that someone is going to take him away and kill him. The BMA this week put forward a motion that antisemitism is just freedom of speech and rejecting the gloablly accepted definition of it. The mother of another friend of mine is in Australia and is hiding her origins in her current hospital saty because of the two HCPs there who boasted about killing Jews if they came across them in their hospital.

Yet even here on MN where Jewish posters are talking about their own direct experiences and their fears are being told they are making it up, or they 'deserve it 'coz Israel' or whatever. It's fucking disgusting.

I wish we lived in a world where we didn't have to explain that parents rejecting their child for loving someone of the same sex isn't the child being wrong. Its the parents.
Their lack of understanding doesn't excuse the harm it causes.

Explaining to my daughter aged 2 then 3 that Grandad and then Nana had passed away.
Breaks me every day feel like she's missed out on knowing incredible people.

Why I don't have children.
😥

My brother blurted something out by mistake that kind of revealed my dad spent some time in jail (when he was like 20, he’s 72 now). So then I had to explain to my kids that yes he did go to jail because he was bad but he’s made steps to change blah blah blah. It was hard though because young kids think jail = bad person and they don’t really understand that 50 years have passed since then.

Honestly now it’s fine. Sometimes one of them will just pipe up and say something like “grandad did Santa visit you in jail?” Or something like that, but at the time I was mortified.

That my having a different opinion to you doesnt mean. I am "taking offence" to your opinion.. or that I am "uptight " or " have no sense of humour" it means my view on the subject differs to yours and that can be ok. I dont have to have the same view as you. I can have a different view point and not be emotionally invested in yours. I can find something you find humorous not funny without it means I have no sense of humour.. - I have a sense of humour it just differs to yours.

This one might be mostly online I will admit as I dont really experience this in rl but I do wish I didnt have to explain that my disagreeing with you doesnt automatically mean I am emotionally invested in the subject.

More lighthearted than these very sad posts, but having to explain to my supposedly very well educated dh about photosynthesis- the process upon which all life on earth depends.
He’d honestly never heard of it.

My disabilities. Or rather, no it's not the same as being tired because I overdid it

Why I don’t have children. I had three miscarriages and IVF was too late for us

Oh yes my back pain is the same as everyone else’s and I should do more exercise and lost weight. Thanks Trevor, I wish I’d thought of that.

Suicide contagion.
Something I wish I had never had learn about, and even more that I had never had reason to have that conversation with other people

Having to explain what racism is to some younger members of my family, when they have unfortunately been impacted by it. I am so fed up of having to deal with this cancer in our lives.

Explain to my children that they had an older brother who was stillborn.
But it was even harder to tell my mum.

When I lived abroad, I went to a pub with two colleagues, neither of whom were from the UK. The pub had a Cards Against Humanity set, the British edition. I suggested we play and I could just explain any celebrities or cultural references they didn’t understand. I had to explain who Jimmy Savile was on the first round.

Telling my son that my dad had died. I think it was worse than being told myself. He adored him and immediately blurted out “but I loved him so much”. He was utterly heartbroken. He was 13 or 14 and had been away for the weekend on a camp. I didn’t time it well and still think about how I should have done it better.

I had to tell my two sisters over the phone that our Dad had cancer and had only a few days left (he was very late diagnosed and hadn't complained of any symptoms). My younger sister took it very hard, I'm glad she had her husband with her. Thankfully we were all at his bedside when the time came.

Thank you for your kind words @BlindSpotForCats. They are really appreciated.

Reform : racist liars.

In what way

That the man they thought was their dad (much adored) was not their dad. Unexpected dna test result. Poor man had been lied to for 40+ years.