Please do not ask overweight people if they have thought of losing weight

[Menopausio]

Im currently overweight/ obese.
Ive had a lot of health problems over the last 20 years, a chronic pain condition and nerve damage from an accident I had in my teens aggrivated by a RTC in 2003.
Lack of mobility plus medication and disordered eating have led to this gradual gain. Im also in full Menopause
In the last few months my medications have finally been sorted and with the guidence of a dietitian Ive lost 4kg - 21 to go. Now because of an ED I went through in my teens I have to be very careful- any hint of " diet" and my brain goes into overdrive, at times triggering binging, other times triggering starving myself for multiple days.
So based on 2 conversations this week ( and many over the last 20 years) -
Please, please do not ask an overweight person if they have thought of loosing weight - its none of your business, you have no idea of how or why they are overweight and if they have an ED.
Please dont tell then to just go " on the jab" - that is not an easy fix- I have friends on Ozempic and they are doing well but the side effects are not pleasany plus for anyone who has suffered from an ED its not a good idea.
Weight gain or loss os a complicated matter .

I’ve only seen this done and/pr recommended on Mumsnet (medical settings apart). With Mumsnetters allegedly trying to be helpful or doing so out of ‘love and concern’

No Im not. Im going to keep going and keep my head up.

OK. But you know, don't you, that unless these people are called out about their rudeness, they'll continue to say inappropriate things? A MN thread isnt going to engender change.

Only in this country where we have an epidemic of obesity is it taboo to talk about weight. In other countries it's not rude or off limits eg France, Greece, Italy, Germany.

To the posters who say this never happens… I went to the counter in a shop to ask if they had a bigger size. Customer paying at the other till said in a friendly way ‘Darlin you need to get in the jabs!’ I was so shocked I just smiled. I’m a bit overweight, but who says that!!( size 14 in m and s, but obviously an H&M 22..)

Yes I’ve only seen it done on social media.

im aware fat people get horrible comments, its the “have you considered losing weight” that’s a new one on me in real life.

as said, my view is fat women get horrible comments from shitty men as they have lost their fuckability in their eyes.

slim women, and women who have lost weight, get horrible comments from other women, the female counterparts of the shitty men, their sisters so to speak, but for very different reasons, spite and envy,

I see a lot more comments from women to slim women than I do from men to women, it’s a minority of men who do it, and it’s a much much larger percentage of women who do it.

women do it in a mean girl way, as said up thread this forum is littered with it, so is other social media. I’ve seen it so so many times in real life. And the comments are horrendous. Slim women described as Ghastly, hideous, skeletal,old saggy eating disorder smoker, competitive under eater, the teeny tinies, drug addict, their bodies picked over and abuse hurled. What they eat questioned.

it’s just horrendous,

No one has the right to comment on anyone else's body.
Im sorry that you have had such nasty comments @Cloudconfusion

I understand that , my reply to the first one was quite sharp - the second one was told that it wasnt an appropriate thing to say to anyone.
Showed a friend this thread, she told me that last week a man in work asked her when the baby was due and walked away laughing.

Those comments wouldn't bother you so much OP if you didn't feel ashamed about your size. Being ashamed is waste of energy. I hope you can get to a place of not feeling ashamed. Even if you think I'm 100% wrong, you complaining here is not going to stop people from saying such things. You're better off reducing shame than thinking a bit of sympathy here will stop those comments. You can do something about the shame in you, you can't change other people.

No one has the right to comment on anyone else's body.

If that's true then "compliments" and simple observations are out of order too. That claim assumes that every comment should be interpretted in the worse possible way (ie, feed into feelings of shame).

"Gosh that colour suits you!" = "you usually wear colours that look awful on you."
"I'm so impressed at how fit you are" = "I thought you were a couch slug"
"I like your new hair cut"= "Old haircut was awful"
"I love your shoes" = Your usual footwear is so ugly.
"You have some food on your chin" = "I enjoy laughing at what a dork you are"
etc.

It's a no-brainer really - if they're significantly overweight, of course they'll have 'thought about' losing weight, whether the outcome was 'I'm happy as I am, I don't want to lose weight' or 'I'd like to lose weight but it's not possible at the moment due to [e.g. medication, health issues, ED] or, they're already trying to lose weight.

As a general rule, don't comment at all on the specifics of people's bodies. Keep compliments general or focused on clothes 'You look great' 'That dress really suits you etc.'

Unless someone explicitly asks for your opinion on their weight, don't go there.

Wishing you the best, OP, in managing your ED and staying fit and healthy.

That’s not true at all. No one likes an insult it’s nothing to do with shame, what an awful way to think.

Does it matter?

I suppose it is a bit like someone following a question mark with two exclamation marks. We can still understand the post.🙄

I was slap bang in healthy BMI for my height and weight and I got countless comments to eat more. It happens.

I wouldn’t say it but I have wanted to a couple of times in the past purely because I have had to listen to someone whinging about health problems I know damn well would improve if they lost weight. One friend was obese and had chronic knee pain for example so claimed she couldn’t walk upstairs and always took the lift, even for one flight. I knew if she put some effort into getting active and shedding weight she’d feel better but obvs I didn’t say it out loud.

I have had this too- “you need a burger”. My BMI is around 22 so perfect but I’m tall for a woman and a LDR so slim.

I dont feel ashamed. My body has been through a lot - including 2 major traumatic accidents. You are projecting how you think I must feel.

That's good you don't feel ashamed.
And I'm glad I got it wrong.
I should have read more carefully to see you have an ED.
I had an ED. I went to many meetings with BEAT & OA.
There is something going on in your head that you care so much what other people think about your body size or behaviour. Maybe not shame... but something. That something is what you may have control over.

or maybe not. Maybe you're a great candidate for OA. BW.