Please do not ask overweight people if they have thought of losing weight

[Menopausio]

Im currently overweight/ obese.
Ive had a lot of health problems over the last 20 years, a chronic pain condition and nerve damage from an accident I had in my teens aggrivated by a RTC in 2003.
Lack of mobility plus medication and disordered eating have led to this gradual gain. Im also in full Menopause
In the last few months my medications have finally been sorted and with the guidence of a dietitian Ive lost 4kg - 21 to go. Now because of an ED I went through in my teens I have to be very careful- any hint of " diet" and my brain goes into overdrive, at times triggering binging, other times triggering starving myself for multiple days.
So based on 2 conversations this week ( and many over the last 20 years) -
Please, please do not ask an overweight person if they have thought of loosing weight - its none of your business, you have no idea of how or why they are overweight and if they have an ED.
Please dont tell then to just go " on the jab" - that is not an easy fix- I have friends on Ozempic and they are doing well but the side effects are not pleasany plus for anyone who has suffered from an ED its not a good idea.
Weight gain or loss os a complicated matter .

You have to admit though OP that some people really are in deep denial that they are huge. I think health professionals absolutely need to be able to have those conversations with people because despite what “body positivity activists” want people to think, being very overweight is really unhealthy. Randomers however shouldn’t say anything.

I don’t think they are, for the main part. They just don’t want to admit it to you/ other people.

I am not sure many health professionals get someone arguing they aren’t obese after being weighed. They just don’t want to talk about it. Which is their choice and fine

I’m not remotely angry, what an odd interpretation 😂

I think your OP is completely fair. It's no one's business if you want to lose weight or not. I'm sure like most people you want to, but it's really bloody hard!

With regards to the airline post though, I'm sorry but I do not find the encroachment of other people's space acceptable. I'm not blaming the obese person for being obese as its more complex than that. However why should the other person have to bear the brunt of that? That is deeply unfair on them.

I wouldn't say that and I don't think I've met anyone who ever would.

I would never ever talk to someone unprompted about their weight. Let alone ask them if they've considered losing or putting it on. It's rude and intrusive.

I agree with you, I didn’t realise how big I’d got, I was really in denial. I would wear stretchy clothes and tell myself I was a smaller size than I was, I avoided the scales, I couldn’t work out why I looked so fat in pics as I didn’t look like that in my head in real life. I don’t think I was unusual.

I see it on here often, people proclaiming to be fit, carry it well, one poster who was significantly obese declared she wasn’t, and at a size 20 she was just two sizes bigger than the average so couldn’t be.

however no one in real life should just go up to someone and say it, I think it’s fine for loved ones to gently address it though due to health risks, and I also think it’s acceptable for medics, required even, but work colleagues, no way.

Much depends on context. I have a very overweight colleague who constantly complains about dropped arches, knee and hip pain and now gall bladder issues. It also translates to a lot of time off work. I have been sorely tempted more than once to point out the solution. She digs herself further by commenting every time she sees me eating my lunch (salad and an apple). "Is that all you're having, you'll never get through the afyernoon, I've got biscuits" One day, just one day when she complains, I might just stay, well stop having chips and pie at lunchtime and bringing in homemade cakes"

Its happened to me to frequently

What was the context?

What led up to them saying that, was it part of a conversation about weight?

People shouldn’t randomly ask anyone if they’ve thought of losing weight.

People also shouldn’t moan to others about issues and conditions that would be improved if they lost weight. Works both ways.

Agree OP.
It's just not as simple as that for many people, obviously it it was, we would have done it years ago. And we may well be quietly working on it right now. Or might not be for some reason. But I don't want to discuss it with you, talking about diets and what worked for Brenda over the road or your hairdresser Janet, doesn't help. Quite the opposite.

My daughter gets the opposite, someone suggested she needs to eat more recently and has numerous comments, she is a size 6-8. That seems fair game, people shouldn’t comment on anyone’s weight either way.

Agreed. This is also unacceptable.

I don’t think it works both ways as it’s not the same. Complaining about ailments which are a result of your lifestyle is annoying, but not rude, offensive and unkind like asking someone if they’ve thought of losing weight

Eh? I don't know anyone who is in deep denial that they are huge! On the contrary, many people who are clearly not huge have profound body dysmorphia because of the all the incessant skinny-messaging and think they are huge!!

Nope. Both said it as though they were being helpful.

Ok, I still can't understand the context though.

Were you passing them in a corridor and they just randomly came out with it?

First one was watching me as I put a dog back in a kennel- I volenteer as a dog walker- and just came over and said it. 2nd one was a general chit chat after an appointment about the heatwave 🤷‍♀️

That's a question asked by someone who has never been overweight. I've been morbidly obese and been shouted at in the street by complete strangers to lose weight. Obese people are treated appallingly by some other people. The way that some people (not friends or family) treat treat obese people has to be experienced to be believed. I now no longer have to actually worry about strangers verbally abusing me for no reason at all.

yoire very wrong, I was obese.

Couldn't agree more with this. And it almost always comes from someone whose health is lacking due to a habit they have. Hypocrites.

I’m sorry you have been upset by people saying these things to you. I have no doubt that this happened and think it’s far
more common than some posters seem
prepared to believe. Particularly common coming from older family members. And any time there is a thread where people ask for comments that have stayed with them,
or times others have been rude to them, there is always at least one person reporting on having had such comments made to them, and often from complete strangers. Or if you read any stories in the media, or on blogs etc from people sharing their weight loss, most will report having being victim of unkind comments about their weight.

This goes both ways, I've had everything from "are you anorexic" "you look ill" to "you lost the baby weight pretty fast didn't you" after my second.

people make comments, it's upto you to laugh and move on from them. If it's really bothering you is it maybe that you aren't happy as you are?

It's not true that WLI are not a good idea for anyone who's had an eating disorder. I've had eating disorder for over 30 years and have been on mounjaro for 6 months. It's the best thing I've ever done. For the first time in my adult life I am free from the obsessive thoughts around food and the cycle of bingeing and starving.

I'm so so sorry that you've had that experience :( That is completely unacceptable!