Please do not ask overweight people if they have thought of losing weight

[Menopausio]

Im currently overweight/ obese.
Ive had a lot of health problems over the last 20 years, a chronic pain condition and nerve damage from an accident I had in my teens aggrivated by a RTC in 2003.
Lack of mobility plus medication and disordered eating have led to this gradual gain. Im also in full Menopause
In the last few months my medications have finally been sorted and with the guidence of a dietitian Ive lost 4kg - 21 to go. Now because of an ED I went through in my teens I have to be very careful- any hint of " diet" and my brain goes into overdrive, at times triggering binging, other times triggering starving myself for multiple days.
So based on 2 conversations this week ( and many over the last 20 years) -
Please, please do not ask an overweight person if they have thought of loosing weight - its none of your business, you have no idea of how or why they are overweight and if they have an ED.
Please dont tell then to just go " on the jab" - that is not an easy fix- I have friends on Ozempic and they are doing well but the side effects are not pleasany plus for anyone who has suffered from an ED its not a good idea.
Weight gain or loss os a complicated matter .

Yes, health professionals are expected to talk about this, and have teaching sessions
about "having difficult conversations". It's very difficult as no- one wants to make someone who is already likely suffering health problems to feel even worse. But the truth is, so many health problems could be lessened or even reversed if people were a healthy weight. There's a big difference in outcomes for patients with a more positive attitude who are willing to engage and those who aren't. I see it all the time.

One could laugh and move on from them, yes, but this doesn't displace the responsibility from those who are making idiotic, insensitive comments to stop making them.

Yeah, as has been said, I have never been asked 'why do you not lose weight?' I am 5 ft 4 and have been between 9 stone and 15 stone in my adult life. (Currently somewhere in the middle.)

I have had comments though (several times) from people saying 'you've put some weight on haven't you?!' As if I haven't noticed. 🙄

When someone said this last year (when I was 12 st 5) I said 'no.' and had this face They were like I just walked off. I was particularly fucked off because I had dropped from 14 stone to less than 12 and a half stone over 5 months or so, and feeling good about myself. The last time they saw me was 2 years before when I was 11 stone, so I was a bit bigger than when they last saw me.

Still, fucking nasty to comment.

Eh? Im slowly losing as per medical advice due to past ED. I am finally in a good headspace. I have also been told in the past how good I looked when I was very underweight and restricting myself to less than 200 cals a day for weeks on end - reinforcing my disordered thinking.

@Peachykeenjosephine don't you think that most people are aware that being overweight/obese will negatively impact their various health conditions, and being told to lose weight is not exactly new news or helpful? If you said that to me, then I'd agree that yes, losing weight would be helpful but to date in my life I have not been successful at losing the weight and keeping it off for any length of time. What would be your next comment at that point? Tell me to have a more positive attitude?

Not advised for me personally .
I have nothing against them for people who they can help and think they are a fantastic breakthrough.

I find it very hard to believe that people are getting comments and judgement for being slim/thin. When I am slimmer/when I lose weight, I get nothing but praise. People who are slimmer are treated by society like they're superior to fat people. I get treated better for sure, especially by men.

Yes I agree with this. There was someone on another thread saying that a BMI of 35 isn’t obese. That’s not true clinically or in terms of how we assess things in real life.

While I agree that people shouldn’t be berating others or stating the obvious, I also don’t agree with pretending that someone isn’t obese, that obesity doesn’t cause health issues or that others should have to pretend it doesn’t impact them.

For me its more that praise for loosing weight quickly can trigger massive restrictions.
In fact the main reason for my changing my lifestyle was because after decades of chronic pain we have found a combination of meds that allowed me to exercise again without being bedridden in pain for days after . I went to a dietitian to support my health and she took time to unravel my dramatic weight losses followed by putting loads back on.
I no longer have scaled in my house, she weighs me every 2 weeks and its only yesterday that I asked for the number. I have macros to hit plus other items to have during the 2 weeks - 1 pud per week, 1 meal out every 2 weeks, 2 snacks per day if hungry, water/ fluid targets.
Im basically learning a healthy relationship with food again.

That sounds like a wonderful approach for you OP. Less about weight and more about feeling healthy and balanced.

I actually think that Mounjaro is dangerous for people with a history of eating disorders. I’m on the lowest dose and never feel hungry. I’m eating 850 calories a day on average, and could easily eat less. Imagine how much damage someone with anorexia could do to themselves, it would make it even easier to starve themselves.

Well, Have you?

Wow, I went all the way up to 10, and was always hungry for meals. I never went below 1400 cals a day, lost 6 and a half stone, it worked for me like it should work, hungry for meals, no snacking, eat a healthy portion feel satisfied.

poor you, you must be very sensitive to the meds.

Believe it or not, but it does happen.

I've had spiteful comments like "There's nothing to you", "You're wasting away", "I'd rather have some curves myself", "It's not very attractive, you know" etc. All from people who were noticeably overweight and wanted to bring others down.

I wasn't remotely underweight, just a size 10 at 5ft 2in. I wouldn't dream of commenting on anyone else's weight, looks, body etc.

Not saying that there isn't societal prejudice against overweight people, because there definitely is, but nasty comments designed to hurt certainly are directed at slim people too.

Yeah it happens a lot. You see it on here. So many threads posting images of healthy weight models saying they are underweight, skeletal etc. so many threads on weight loss injections with comments of you will look older, ozempic face, saggy, I recall one poster wrote she could not wait till everyone on them got cancer.

Lots of bitchy “teeny tiny” comments. Or competitive under eaters. Massive salads. Horrible comments on slim celebrities, the princess of wales gets a particular battering, I’ve seen people make out she is skeletal, has an eating disorder, smokes etc, just as they are jealous.

the amount of bitchy catty comments to women who are slim or lost weight is very high indeed. And it’s nearly always from other women. The horrible comments to fat women tend to come from low life men.

there seems to be this thought process from many women that if you’re slim it’s ok to make horrible comments as you’ve got some sort of prize and it’s linked to being conventionally attractive . So you deserve a kick or two.

my take is people are really fucked up about weight. Like really properly fucked up about weight. And it’s across the board. Judgmental on fat people, jealousy of slim ones. Those who have lost the weight getting the biggest kicking of all. And both genders do it, just in different ways.

As you say, it's often spite, or jealousy though. Not that it's acceptable at all.But the person who was once a size 8, and is now a 22, despite eating very little (and healthy) food due to her health issues, was treated as if she was somehow morally superior for being a size 8. Even though it's sheer bad luck, due to health issues, and when she was an 8, it was purely down to good luck.
Some people might say that's rare, but it doesn't matter whether it's rare or common. Making comments about other people's bodies is not ok.

Why can no one spell the word lose?!!!

No, I'm more likely to sympathise tbh as I can see how difficult it is and I honestly don't know the answer!
it's so difficult. I know there are a lot of reasons why someone is overweight/obese, that don't include being greedy, lazy etc. I don't think that of my patients. My own son struggles with his weight. I know that I don't understand if I'm not in that position myself. But my issue is, that a lot of my patients expect me to wave a magic wand, and I just can't do that. I only wish I could!
if a patient has a more positive attitude themselves though I will encourage that x

@Peachykeenjosephine thankfully a private Mounjaro prescription has enabled me to go from a BMI of 50 to a BMI of 25, over the course of the last two years. It’s a shame that the NHS is essentially unable to prescribe it other than to a small handful of people.

I'd report both of them for inappropriate behaviour. Are you going to report them @Menopausio

I would say, “I’ve got PCOS so I’m very sensitive to carbs and I put on weight really easily so I’ve been eating carefully for years as I value my health. I’m sure they are tasty but biscuits will give me an insulin spike so they aren’t good for me”.

Oh that's fantastic! I honestly wish the NHS would prescribe weight loss drugs for a wider range of people! Even if they don't care about the people concerned it would save them a lot of money in the long run! My son is on them privately, I help him out money-wise. At one stage it was considered whether to prescribe them for people with the condition I look after, as weight gain/fatty liver can be part and parcel of the condition. It was discussed at a conference I went to! But there are only a few small studies regarding this and it was felt not enough was known about the side effects. I am hopeful for the future though! I'm
going to be annoying now and say good for you! You've done amazing 😆 x

I'm so sorry you experienced this OP, some people have never got the memo about giving unsolicited advice, and others are just plain nasty. I've noticed over the years that there are people who seem unable to grasp that weight issues are not as simple as 'just eat less', and when I point out ( as you have done) that the cause may be medical or psychological issues, get quite huffy. So I conclude they just need someone to beat down on. I did once reply to one of these types that the person in question might have a food addiction, in the same way that they themself had a nicotine addiction...it didn't go down well but after that they stopped the bitching when I was around! The best of luck with your journey x

I'm so sorry you experienced this OP, some people have never got the memo about giving unsolicited advice, and others are just plain nasty. I've noticed over the years that there are people who seem unable to grasp that weight issues are not as simple as 'just eat less', and when I point out ( as you have done) that the cause may be medical or psychological issues, get quite huffy. So I conclude they just need someone to beat down on. I did once reply to one of these types that the person in question might have a food addiction, in the same way that they themself had a nicotine addiction...it didn't go down well but after that they stopped the bitching when I was around! The best of luck with your journey x

Yeah seems so, but definitely not poor me, it’s making my life really easy right now fortunately.

But I suspect as it goes on it’s going to be tough to get enough in to keep my body healthy so it’ll be interesting having a battle with myself on whether to force food in which is unhealthy in itself, or not force it but end up too low on all of my nutrients and protein. It’s an odd one for sure.

Congrats on such a big loss. I’m hoping for 7st 4 (with a stretch of 9st 9) but that’ll be a journey and a half I think