Men that you've been surprised to find have a partner.

[forceofhabitandnotneed]

Have there been any men you've known who you were astonished to discover were coupled up? If so, what were the factors you imagined would have put potential partners off (i.e. physical appearance, dress sense, demeanour)?

I worked with someone once who was uber glam, very loud and popular - I was absolutely STUNNED to discover she was married to one of the stale old grey senior management team who everyone was terrified of! And it was a genuine office romance not an affair! Knew both of them individually and would never have put them together.

Stupidity. It continually astonishes me that people don’t find extreme stupidity the ultimate turnoff. But that’s an equal opportunities thing, not just men.

Given that there are women who will go and marry violent murderers in prison, nothing would surprise me. There is no bottom to how low some women’s standards are.

Former colleague. Not attractive, but his personality was really hard work, over-enthusiastic, show-off, bouncing around like a labrador, but worst of all couldn’t keep his hands to himself. He wasn’t pervy, but very touchy and cuddly, did not respect personal space, it wasn't appropriate and was really annoying. When we finally got to meet his wife we were astonished to find she was absolutely lovely and the spitting image of Julia Roberts.

Most of the threads on here about about men I am astounded have a partner.

Unfortunately I do understand why - I have a lovely friend who is so damaged by her mother that she puts up with all manner of bad behaviour just to be loved and because she thinks it’s normal.

Your first point is absolutely true.

I worked with a guy who you could smell when you walked into the building.

He turned out to have a very beautiful girlfriend who was a luxury jewellery designer. Very glamorous and smart.

🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I'm sometimes surprised by lack of intelligence or political leanings but that goes for both men and women, and it just means I wouldn't put the couple together.

I steer clear of judging men and women for their looks as a rule.

I once had a client who was a very posh, well spoken, middle class, lady with her own high end dress boutique shop, always imacculately dressed, etc.

Turned out her husband was a scrap man, with the stereotypical run down truck, who drove around town picking up scrap metal that people had left out, rough as a bear's backside, every other word was F*, and looked like a tramp!

Could never really understand how they were together as they were polar opposites.

I find it interesting when people say that they judge intelligence and not looks. Is this because intelligence is assumed to be less hereditary than looks?

I wonder how much truth there is in that considering that up to 80% of the variation in intelligence is driven by genetics. Of course you can do things to improve your education to a degree, but you can also do a lot to improve your looks. I’m just curious because I wouldn’t say that I judge one more than the other.

Early career, fella was a scientist. Not unattractive but already going bald. Decent personality, dressed well but just a standard fella. He knew I was really into fashion and says do you know I’m often told my wife has a look of Cindy Crawford?
I thought, aye, I bet she does.
Staff party, in she walks, 5 ft 9, endless legs, absolutely beautiful and annoyingly lovely to boot. The only thing she didn’t have was Cindy’s mole.
And she thought he was fabulous, was so
proud of him. That got me told.

The one I met was a Cindy Crawford. And the husband was definitely not Richard Gere!

I didn't say I judged intelligence, I said I'm often surprised at the difference and that means sometimes I wouldn't put two people together as a couple.

Ultimately you can't have a deep conversation with someone's looks and we all have different tastes anyway.

Stephen Hawkins never appeared to have a problem. No one stay with anyone for their good looks.

Nigel Farage. 🤢

If you mean Stephen Hawking, he was a pretty famous multi millionaire.

This may or may not have made a difference.

I judge people who seem ignorant of the world around them and uncaring of other people's feelings. Also people who display a large ego, extremely high self regard etc. I guess I might think someone into designer labels and very high maintenance looks might be somewhat superficial. But that's almost certainly unfair prejudice mixed with reverse snobbery.

But I'm never really surprised that someone has a partner. Though they do often look mismatched physically.

It astonishes me that Boris Johnson could find one woman to tolerate him, nevermind numerous women.

Yes, you would think that even if the narcissism and dishonesty did not put women off, the scruffy haystack appearance would.

Agreed! I was watching a Netflix show about Ted Bundy the other day. Yes, the guy who raped, murdered, mutilated and had sex with the corpses of his victims - literally one of the worst human beings you can imagine. He not only married a woman during his trial, but he fathered a DC with her after the prison wardens turned a blind eye (this was the late 70s/early 80s, but still 😲)

This woman knew the details of his crimes and she was STILL obsessed with him, married him and had a DC with him. Unbelievable!

He is just so unattractive on every level but never fails to find someone. I saw his current wife being interviewed recently and she was really attractive and very pleasant and I thought…. what?
And obviously he’s like Robert Redford compared to Donald Trump.
What does he look like first thing with that crusty combover stuck to the pillow and Elizabeth Arden Toasty Beige all over the sheets?
How does Melania cope? I think she sleeps in another wing for starters!

In another state I think

Elton John - everything
Stephen Fry - ditto
Miriam Margolies - ditto, shudder

and a reminder that no one fell in love with a person’s intelligence
across a crowded room
nor, as Germaine Greer assured us once, with a personality from afar

I am more aware of how mismatched many couples are than anything else. They seem to be chalk and cheese. I know three couples like this.