WHY WON'T MY CHILDREN GO TO SLEEP

[floofydoofy]

Mostly a vent post but jfc, I am so over this.

My children (4yo and 6yo) are still awake at 9pm despite being absolutely exhausted beyond words. They were so tired at 4pm my 4yo literally lay with his head on the dining table and waited there for 35 minutes for his dinner. At 7pm they were almost falling asleep on the sofa. As soon as they enter their bedroom, they go mental. Silliness, stropping, crying, shouting (waking baby sibling), being dangerous hanging over the side of the bunk bed, leaping around, etc. This has been going on for a couple of weeks and I've kept calm and consistent with them... until tonight when I absolutely lost my shit. I rarely shout at all so it was quite shocking for them, but even that hasn't deterred them (I have since been in to apologise for shouting, but re-iterated that their behaviour was not acceptable). We tried bringing their bedtimes much much earlier which made everything worse. We tried moving their bedtime later (to 9.30/10pm), which "worked" in that they fell asleep quickly, but they were like zombies during the day and were even more of a nightmare than usual to wake up at 7am for school. We've made a really effort to connect with them in the evening 1-1 once the baby is in bed to make sure they feel heard and loved. They do not watch screens during the week. They get ample time outdoors and in active free play each day. They eat a well-balanced, predominantly healthy UPF free homemade diet; they eat sugar but mostly in the form of homemade baked goods like flapjacks and muffins, not endless sweets or chocolate. They take a magnesium supplement. My 6yo's iron/ferritin levels are normal (haven't had 4yo checked as he'd lose his shit at a blood test and it didn't feel worth it). Genuinely, if they simply needed a later bedtime I'd be absolutely fine with that, BUT THEY DON'T.... THEY ARE SHATTERED.

I do not know what more I can do.

It sounds like they’re egging each other on. Do they share a room? If so get the youngest to go down in your room then move him into their room.

Following for advice cos im in the same boat. DS4 has not adjusted to the clock change whatsoever. This has been going on since easter holidays I would say. DD2 follows suit. 2 years old! Ffs. They are always so tired from like 5-6pm onward but come bedtime (730-8pm) they just don't wanna know. I don't understand. Very similar to yours in terms of diet etc as well. Have only just gone to sleep but always stroppy the next morning having to get up for nursery.

Someone do something 😭

Low sleep needs. My two have always been terrible at sleeping. Still waiting fir the 2yo to drop off and I have so much work to catch up on. Argh.

The only thing is acceptance. Just accept that's what they're like

They do share a room @Darragon - we also have a baby and they are asleep in my room unfortunately, otherwise that is what I'd probably do.

If only! My younger child perhaps as he's always been the more difficult sleeper, but my eldest has always had very high sleep needs. He is 6 and still took naps until last year (hence why we've had his iron levels etc checked as we thought it was ridiculous how much he slept..). Sorry you're in the same boat!

That's the thing isn't it? So tired early in the evening and then they just go crazy.

We used to put one in our bed and sleep walk them through later on.

If the 6 year old needs more sleep put them to bed first and take the next one half an hour later.

They get fomo if they know their sibling us awake having fun. It has to be both together

Yeah I'm considering just putting them to bed at 5 when they start getting tired, but then it's Russian roulette of whether it's just going to be a danger nap or not 🥲

You’re not the only one. My DH is away with work this week. Normally we put one to bed each and it works well. I have two on my own, and this week seems to be when my two year old has found out how to climb of his cot. If I leave the room he climbs out. If I stay in his room ds1 comes in to wind him up. I think I’m just about there for tonight but it has taken me two hours to get them both asleep!! I had to take DS1 to A&E last night, and little one didn’t attempt to climb out of his cot once for my parents who were looking after him. I think they just wind me up on purpose.

I’d start bedtime earlier and see if it helps. Even if you start bedtime at 6pm if it takes a couple of hours it should still be earlier.

My DD has always taken 90 minutes to fall asleep, when she was younger she had a little basket with colouring in etc and we’d agree she stayed in bed. Her brother use to ask to go to bed which was a pleasant surprise!

No help. Also in the trenches. If another person mentions their kids 6:30 bedtime I'm going to lose my shit. I have NO TIME for anything. And I either pass out with them for an unsettled night or am wired once they are down and end up going to sleep super late. It's not sustainable. Mine also share a room.

Here in solidarity as my youngest DC is finally dropping off (in the wrong bed) following a 2 hour fight against going to bed including 3 huge meltdowns.

I agree re putting the younger one to bed earlier and waiting for him/her to be asleep before then telling the older one to creep in quietly to go to sleep. My boys (older than yours) have their own rooms at home but when we go on holiday they share and if we put them to bed at the same time they keep each other awake.

Also, do you do a bedtime story before lights out to give them some time to rest in bed and get used to being in the bed being quiet time?

Oh, and do they always have a bath right before bedtime? Getting warm and then cooling down like that physiologically helps the body fall asleep.

I think there’s werewolves about tonight or something. Bedtime is normally 730 here, but DD6 was up till 20 mins ago and DD3 is just, hopefully, dropping off.

Ohh mine are so similar!! 4.5 and 2.5 though! I don’t think the lighter evenings help even though we do our best with a blackout blind!

I have started laying next to my 2 year old while he goes to sleep rather than leaving them to fall asleep in the room together as they just mess about. That is helping but it still takes forever and I miss my evenings haha. 😅

Stagger bedtimes.

We only have the one who is 6 but he’s still wide awake now (and has been singing Freed from Desire for the last hour or so).

Im sure you have been racking your brains but what changed a couple of weeks ago? How young is the baby and how much have the 4 and 6 year old lives changed recently (maybe baby teething or crying more?)

I treat bedtime like any other behaviour and have consequences for not doing as your told. For us it’s the Yoto player. If you’re in your bed at 7 you can listen to a Yoto story (something calm) with the lights out. If you muck about and don’t go to bed you don’t get a Yoto card. He only needed to lose out once and never again.

😂 He sounds like a great kid. Love that!

We have an 8 and 6 year old they both go bed at 7 however they do mess about etc, but we’ve always made sure we sit upstairs till they fall asleep even if it means sitting outside the door so you can hear if they mess about. Reward them settling down or I have started to get my two to read to each other that winds them down a little too! I’ve got baby number 3 on the way so I’m anxious about bed times however I’d just say maybe for a week you need to sit in the rooms till they go sleep? Lights out no talking etc that’s if you haven’t already tried that!

i do also treat it as misbehaving so we have a chart with ticks etc for pocket money end of the week and they can loose ticks for stuff like that.