DS10 repeatedly getting called a fat fuck at school.

[JudithsDead]

DS is 10 and in year 5. There is a boy in his year, not class, who clearly has a lot of behavioural problems although he seems a bright articulate boy from my interactions with him over the years. He has come from quite a chaotic background and I’m not sure of any diagnoses he has.

He has either one or two teachers at arms length at all times. He has taken recently to calling my son a fat fuck whenever he sees him. He shouts “you lanky fat fuck” or variations of several times a day whenever he’s sees my son in corridors/canteen/playground. Often there is also a threat I’m going to get you/kill you/destroy you, watch out type of thing. My son is a fairly resilient cheerful type with lots of friends but it does get him down. He has body anxieties anyway as he is carrying extra weight, he’s very very tall (158cm) with size 8 feet and is just generally built like a shit house and he’s not technically very overweight but he’s just big. So it feeds into that and it’s just draining him a bit as it’s constant. If he says anything back he gets told by this boys 1-2-1s that he’s not allowed to engage with him.

He never sees these 1-2-1s castigate this boy for anything he says, obviously we don’t know what else goes on. He says they’ve all been generally told this boy has different needs and to ignore anything nasty he says.

I spoke to the dep head last week as it was getting too much and they were both called in, this boy was made to promise not to name call again which he agreed to. This hasn’t worked as the same things are happening again. He was called a lanky fat fuck again today and when he didn’t respond was taunted “are you going to run and tell mummy again”. The 1-2-1 was there and didn’t say anything.

I have put another call into the school - is there anything else I can do other than be a bit of a squeaky wheel and just keep on at the school?

Look at the school behaviour policy.
Ask for a meeting with the safeguarding lead; probably the head and ask how your child is going to be kept safe and not targeted in school.
Do everything via email and make notes of what agreements are made.

It may be a short time until the end of term, but ignoring isn’t working and it’s making your child unhappy.

Absolutely keep on at them. For there to be no reaction at all from the 1-2-1 about this behaviour is astonishing. How is the kid to learn that what he’s doing is unacceptable?
My child was repeatedly physically assaulted in school and nothing was done about it because the kid doing the hitting had special educational needs.
Why should the other kids be made to suck this up? It’s wrong.

Check the behaviour policy. Check the bullying policy and speak to the DSL. Even if the other child is receiving support to amend their behaviour the 1:1 should be able to also manage the behaviour in the moment.

Why on Earth is it accepted for such language to be used in a school, not to mention directed AT another child. It is totally unacceptable.

The complaint needs to be escalated as the headmaster/headmistress clearly isn’t managing to deal with this.

The bully is lucky the tall boy built like a shit house does not wallop him…

I am very mild mannered and never swear. However, in this situation, I absolutely WOULD call the Headteacher a fat fuck every single time I saw them. And I'd make sure I saw them OFTEN. And I'd question them very closely as to exactly why my child should live with it at 11 years old if they weren't willing to do the same.

And the 1:1s would get it too, every day.

A cheery wave with ' hello, you fat fuck' as I walked the school gates every. single. Day until it was sorted.

And I repeat, I have never in my life called anyone a name like that, but this would send me over the damn edge.

Well you can’t be both lanky and fat so it’s a stupid insult in the first place and shows his intelligence level.
Keep on at the school, it will at least make you feel like you’ve done what you can.
But, in reality, it’s going to be very hard for school to actually stop this. This child clearly has some very serious behaviour needs the are unlikely to be solved with school having a firm word. This child is in a bad place and he doesn’t give a fuck.
I would try very hard to get your son to see that this boys opinions mean less than nothing.. does your son have his own friends? I would work on getting him to appreciate all the great things he has going for him that this other kid doesn’t.

They should be more bothered these days-I would keep asking why it's being tolerated. Everyone says that we were obsessed with diet culture in the noughties, but actually comments about people's size seems to be worse these days. Some schools sort things immediately for racist/sexist comments, according to other parents, even if the child hasn't realised how offensive they're being, but from what you say, this bully definitely knows.

Do any of you have any idea how difficult it is to deal with an out of control 10 year old who fears none of the consequences you are able to dish out? Whose parents are useless and utterly unsupportive? A child who is bigger than you? Violent and unpredictable.
Dealing with this kind of child is incredibly difficult. School are so limited in what they can do. There is no money, no external support and no training.
You think school are happy with this scenario? I can guarantee that their staff are on the receiving end of similar if not worse.

Your poor ds I’d be furious. This lad needs to be separated from the other children if they can’t control his behaviour.

If my son was built like a shithouse and this was the mindset of teachers I’d be telling him to wallop him.

There’s 2 issues here, the bullying which has already been commented on, and your denial about your son’s weight.

No 10 year old boy should be ‘built like a brick outhouse’. He’s fat. He will get fatter. This is on you to fix as you have got him here.

Me too. He's clearly compos mentis enough to know what he is saying and that it is bullying. He's taunting him for telling, ffs. Let him feel the consequences of that decision when someone snaps and lamps him one.

My son isn’t at all fat, his BMI is around the 88th centile…. He’s almost overweight, could be slimmer but he just isn’t slim or small. He’s a very large child and will be a very large man. My brother is 6ft 9 so he’s clearly going the same way. I have a another child who is very slim, we all eat very healthily and do
plenty of exercise but you can’t fight nature. And also, sometimes people are fat and that’s OK. It’s not an emergency.

He would actually love to wallop him, he’s mostly a gentle giant but not averse to punching this kid. But the 1:1 is always there and he just couldn’t bring himself to do that in front of a teacher.

Absolutely it's difficult for the school, but they have a duty of care towards the Op's son.

I'd tell him that he will 100% not be in trouble if he does. Refuse to allow any punishment, if they exclude him, take him to the damn beach. He shouldn't just have to take it. Even if he was overweight, how dare they expect him to be subjected to that every day.

Does his parent drop him off to school? Can you wait for them and speak to them?

He’s not going to be a large man he’s going to be a fat man, OP. And that’s not ok. It leads to diabetes, heart failure and some cancers. Don’t set your child up for a life of that because you’re in denial.

Then get the little shit out of the school like they bloody well used to do. Everyone suffers nowadays because no one can do anything about little arseholes like this and their scummy parents.

🙄

It’s easy to eye roll but the number of obese children is genuinely horrific. If she can row it back now, surely that’s better than letting him get very fat then end up on the WLI threads here?

IME, if things are really that bad he would have been excluded. Even at the PRU I worked at staff weren't expected to deal with that on a daily basis. Either way the school has a responsibility to keep OP's DS (and staff) safe.

She's literally telling you he isn't overweight. He's at the high end of normal on the chart for his height. Not obese.

I'd encourage your son to give this kid a damn hard punch in the face at a time when no staff are looking... Even better, push him at a urinal so he gets soaked in his own piss.

I hate bullies but with boys one big clash often solves the months of itchiness with girls.

Sounds like your boy would win too....

Good on him!

Again, do you know how difficult this is to do? Especially in a primary setting??
It’s not about the ‘attitude of the teachers’ (thanks for that snide little comment from someone else further up) it’s the system and the belief that education should just be magically inclusive. Without any more money or support.
These types of children are not going anywhere fast. Keep complaining it gives school more evidence to use to when trying to get support. BUT the most positive thing you can actually change is how your child manages and copes emotionally with twatty people. They are everywhere. Being secure in ourselves and our worth is the best defence we can have.

in my experience , it took until a member of staff ended up with a black eye and a chunk of hair missing (from an attack witnessed by a class of 7 year olds) for a child to get excluded.The child in question clearly needed more than the school were in a position to provide and other kids were regularly witnessing things that would raise a safeguarding concern for them if they said they saw it at home.

It is horrendous.