How should we handle siblings when one child’s temper scares the other?

[Jinglejinglejingle7]

So dc just had an argument, they hardly argue but when they do its big and loud. In the garden over a football! Ds10 ended up hitting football out of dd12 hands and got really angry shouting etc. Dd arguing back then got that point- burst into tears , ran in house. She's since said she was scared of ds when he loses temper- she thought he would hit her (he never has, dont think he would & shes never been hit) i said she needs to stand up to anyone who bully's by shouting, losing temperature as she will meet alot of boys along the way like that. Dh takes a different approach, says she should be wary as doesn't want t to be hurt in the future. What's everyone's opinion?

If that was my child, they'd be far more scared of ME than each other.

It's your job to protect your DD. It's reasonable for her to be scared of aggression - that's how women survive.

It’s not ok for your son to go into his teen years thinking he can scream when angry. You need to teach him how to deal with his anger. Otherwise you’re just making another angry, abusive man.

She is female. If she takes on the bully man when she’s older she could get her face punched in. Teach the man not to scream not the woman to scream back.

I hope your DH has equally strong opinions on how boys should manage their behaviour and is giving his son some guidance on how to curb his aggression.

Enroll her for kickboxing lessons if you want her to feel more confident in her ability to deal with male aggression.

But even then, if she feels aggressed and in danger, the safest course - now and in the future - is to remove herself from the presence of an angry male. It is unreasonable to expect her to be able to take it bevause feminist ideals.

I have a boy and a girl, teenagers now and they just honestly don’t fight. They weren’t always that interested in each other when they were younger, but no fighting. I have a friend with a couple of boys that are younger than my children and they are always arguing and hurting each other and my kids find it horrible!

Thanks all. As I said we are addressing ds behaviour and not ignoring or condoning. Im trying to understand how to guide my dd. Shes 12. She hasn't been brought up to feel inferior in any way, and im unsure if now teaching her to dcream/ cry/ run away. Do we want our dd doing that? What would you say if it was 2 brothers arguing?

My DSis (8 years younger) used to scare me when angry and still does. It causes me a lot of anxiety. I would say nip it in the bud now because your Dd shouldn’t have to worry about that.
I can see that you’re addressing it with your son. I think I’d make sure that your Dd is aware the behaviour is unacceptable and she should just walk away from people who behave that way

So your answer to meeting aggressive/intimidating men is to teach her to scream and shout back - cause that always calms an aggressice out of control man
Maybe not running away in tears, but teaching her to remove herself from a possibly dangerous situation, and keeping away, would be better

Male or female....If my child felt unsafe i would strongly urge them to remove themselves from the situation and seek help.
There are too many crazy degenerate out there these days.

In rerms of your children I have one of each too and I think when it comes to aggression and danger its two sides of the same coin....

womens main issue is they are socialised to "be nice" ignore their instincts and walk into / stay in danger.
On the other side, Young men are socialised to "never back down" or show weakness.so instead of exiting when they should they stay or challenge back.

In both cases bad things follow.....

You dont want to take on board what people are saying because you think you are right but the only people in your house who require correction of behaviour your DS and you...
Just because you personally want to toe to toe any fucker that crosses you it doesnt mean your dd should. Also she is a 12 yr old child.

This sounds like a fairly minor sibling spat and your DD sounds a bit of a wet lettuce. Yes, if your 10yo gets to 15 and is shouting aggressively at girls, then you've got a problem but having the occasional barney with his older sister at age 10 really isn't much to worry about imo. If they were constantly fighting and DS was constantly being aggressive, then that would be different, but you say it's not a common occurrence for them. I would speak to your DS about how his behaviour could be perceived, and keep drumming this into him as he grows older, but leave it at that.

Your DD SHOULD be scared of aggressive intimidating males.
Your son in one of those males. His behaviour is the problem and your DD’s self-protection mechanisms are all in place.
I just knew it would be a boy displaying aggression towards a girl before I even opened the thread.
Your son is the problem, not your daughter. Protect her and read your boy the riot act. It’s not ok.

Thanks all, some good perspectives.

Your DD SHOULD be scared of aggressive intimidating males.
Your son in one of those males.

He's not. He's a 10yo child who needs to learn to regulate his emotions better.