What's left in life?

[Sliverofdarkness]

Bit of a weird one, but I just don't know what's left to look forward to in life... Late 40s, have travelled, got married, bought a house, had kids and feel like they don't need me much anymore. Got a job but feel like I'm too old to progress, as I took a long career break with the kids. My managers are 10 years younger than me so I feel pretty disillusioned and not on great pay.
I'm finding it hard to be interested in clothes or my appearance or going out socially. I cant go out on any work outings as I work part time and the work events are on on my day off when I'm with the kids.
I feel sorry for my husband as I can't get out of this rut of being boring.
What can I do? Life feels constantly busy, but also totally boring.

Surely you can go out with better planning
I’ve got a 2&5 year old and I manage to go to most things I want to - I means’s being super organised - like dinner prepped in advance just needing to be heated up for everyone - stuff for bed all laid out and for the morning ready in advance

I literally do a handover - husband comes in and I’m ready to walk out of he door

im Always shattered and sometimes wonder is it worth it - but it always is !!

I get up early and do gym before anyone’s awake yet or do evenings at the gym or the cinema when the kids are in bed

What did you used to enjoy before kids? What would you like to don

Your life is incredibly busy OP, you've been a parent now for 12 years and probably not had any break, you've lost yourself. I felt like that a lot over the past 10 years. However when I hit the stage when the youngest was 10 or 11 it was a game changer. I still have to run a house with 3 between 18 and 13 but kids can be home alone and the eldest drives now. I have found an enthusiasm for my own life that I thought I'd never find again. I go out when I want, I don't need to check in what suits DH because it doesn't matter anymore, I can meet friends for coffee if I feel like it, I can go to the city and walk around for no reason, I can go to the cinema or pursue a hobby. Admittedly I haven't done much but my social life had taken off in a way I thought impossible, old pals at the same stage are reconnecting. I'm going to a festival with DH this summer, I've discovered an early club for oldies and gone dancing again, I've visited my siblings alone. I've finally stated to lose weight and use good skincare products. Hang in there a few more years and life will be so much easier.

2 or 3 activities each child. That’s a lot. No wonder you feel meh your whole life must be being a taxi service.

my kids get one hobby each and we have one day a week for family time where we do fun stuff together. Enforced.

life is so much better now i’m actually engaged with my kids and doing stuff with them rather than ferrying them to stuff they do without me.

Also childcare. C’mon surely you can get a babysitter? 4 is a lot but the older one can surely help out too? You need time when you’re not only parenting

Sounds less like life is boring and more like you've been taking care of everyone else for years and forgot to keep anything for yourself. Doesn't have to be some huge life change either. Sometimes one new hobby, class or goal is enough to shake things up a bit.

Curious...as somewhat had similar thoughts just a week ago....49 also, hm....I think it is the big number coming, this is why, we all get a bit more fatalistic

A French restaurant that we have been to before. I would rather something a bit edgy. It's okay but a bit dull.

I came on to say the same thing. Childhood hobbies and/or think back to the time you were happiest and look at why and what you can factor back into your life now.

I turned 50 last year and it's been a true reawakening. My priorities have totally changed. I'm changing my job for one with greater flexibility, and over the next few years I plan to reduce my outgoings so I can reduce to working part time and making up the cash with a couple of creative side hustles. At the moment that involves clearing debt, a simpler lifestyle and more self-sufficiency eg growing my own veg, but ultimately I plan to relocate and downsize.

I'm increasingly thinking of mid-life as another crack at the self-discovery of the teen years but with more wisdom 😁

I totally get this too, used to get a babysitter when they were younger they bare now 15 and 13 until they pointed out at around 10 that they are probably more responsible than the average babysitter. I had to admit it was true, my DD is so responsible and organised she could be the CEO of a multinational.

I have a big birthday looking and told DD aged 13 I feel a bit meh and she said "Buck up, at least you aren't turning 60!!"

I dropped down to one activity/hobby per child as well, I couldn't keep it up otherwise.

How old are your kids? Your kids still need you as they get older but in a different way. So just because they’re independent doesn’t mean they don’t need you. But their independence means that you can get some of your life back. Join some clubs: book club, or walking club or get a dog or take up golf or painting or a language. Something that’s just for you! Or go and get facials every Friday. Read some books! Take time for you. Drive to your hobby and play your music on loud! Have wine in the bath and read a book. Make sure to do something for you and enjoy this next stage in life.

Agree! I was told that the things you loved when you were a child, you never stop loving. Maybe look to reconnect with some things that have given you joy when you were at primary school?
Wishing you all the best, OP. Late 40s is bloody hard!

Can you quit work again and focus on healing yourself? Or work somewhere that gives you fulfilment but maybe isn't as well paid? x