What's left in life?

[Sliverofdarkness]

Bit of a weird one, but I just don't know what's left to look forward to in life... Late 40s, have travelled, got married, bought a house, had kids and feel like they don't need me much anymore. Got a job but feel like I'm too old to progress, as I took a long career break with the kids. My managers are 10 years younger than me so I feel pretty disillusioned and not on great pay.
I'm finding it hard to be interested in clothes or my appearance or going out socially. I cant go out on any work outings as I work part time and the work events are on on my day off when I'm with the kids.
I feel sorry for my husband as I can't get out of this rut of being boring.
What can I do? Life feels constantly busy, but also totally boring.

I started a completely new career aged 50. My boss was 28! Lovely guy though, not in the least bit ageist and we got on really well. He put me forward for promotions, which I got, eventually moved companies, for another promotion, and I am now earning more than I've ever earned in my life, and hoping to get further in my career. Not a single person has ever been ageist, and now that I've gone up the ranks, most people at my level are a similar age to me anyway.
Lots of politicians, actors, professors etc are much older than you and still working full time. You've got 20 years of a stellar career ahead of you, if that's what you want.

Find a hobby.

Your kids sound a bit older - can you not get a babysitter and start going on the work nights out for a start?

I'm 50 and I experienced this. I don't have access to childcare, and even then when you are tied to their extra-curricular commitments you still aren't free to do evening activities. I know it seems like you are making excuses when you express how difficult it is to find the time for yourself, but if you don't have extended family or the fabled 'village' then it's actually not that easy!
I am just now getting out into the world and doing yoga and local music events that give me a sense of identity back.

I will say that I am on HRT and while it did help for a couple of years, once a bit of depression set in I went on anti-depressants. I had used them before but this felt different. I'm on a low dose and I actually think I am going to stay on them long term because they have made a difference.
Getting therapy/counselling will be useful - talking this stuff out loud to an external person really helped me.

Someone suggested getting a dog - and only you know if that would be right for you, but personally I am tired of commitments that tie me down. I have two elderly cats and once they go I am not getting anymore pets.

You are not alone, I think this is a transition lots of us experience at this age and we all cope with it differently.

We could be twins @Sliverofdarkness I feel just the same I'm fact.

And I'm on antidepressants, I'm over them too, the just sort of dull the highs as well as the lows.

It's all the same and so frigging monotonous, my husband is a good bloke, my children are lovely people, my job is okay it is never going to set the world alight but it keeps the wolf from the door.

We are going out this week but DH wants to go for the safe option again

Because I don't have childcare on my non working day. My youngest child is 6 end eldest is 12.

I suggest you consider starting exploring. Go hiking (short ones are fine), explore new areas you've never been to that are a day trip away, see films, read books, start a garden, take up a craft, do some classes. I find these are the things that make life interesting.

So interesting and helpful reading all the different perspectives and ideas - lots of common themes. I’m inspired by everyone who is being brave in big and small ways.

I became a mother last year and, while on maternity leave, have decided not to go for a promotion that on paper was a natural next step for me. Having always worked a lot, it was scary and upsetting to make this decision BUT for once I listened to the small but insistent voice inside me that this is not the organisation for me long term. This is because I need a different challenge and partly because there have been certain cultural changes and red flags that I’ve decided not to ignore.

This was a genuinely difficult decision for me as I usually push through things like this and push on to the logical next step, which has made me relatively ‘successful’ in the conventional sense, but I listened to my gut which told me it wasn’t right. I don’t as yet have a definite alternative plan, which is also giving me some sleepless nights but I know in my heart that it’s right and every so often I feel a little thrill that I’ve trusted my instincts.

@Agathassorethumb27

‘You may be depressed and need ADs but depression often comes when you have outgrown the life you are living so in fact this period of heaviness may turn out to be a sort of “pupation period” which precipitates a radical change, and we often have to wade through the deep mud to get to the higher pleasant land again.‘

Found this really helpful, thanks.

Thanks. I have actually done some of those things recently. I got a new job and have got established there, we then sold and moved to a bigger house. But since then I feel like I don't even want to entertain. I'm just exhausted all the time and have a constant to do list with the house and the kids, so I can never relax.
I've now planned a holiday for us all, to get away from it all, but I don't even feel like going on it, cos I know there will be bickering and complaining and I can't be bothered.

I found the hardest part of my 40s is trying to figure out who I am and what I actually like. I'm "life-coaching" myself to try everything for a bit and see what I vibe with/ enjoy/ resonates.
I'm having fun creating a new look, working out the best styles, shapes, colours, hairstyle, jewellery and accessories that are who I want to be.

Another thing I noticed was a I felt really awful with low ferratin. Dr prescribed transexamic acid to reduce my very heavy periods and then my levels went back up and loads of weird symptoms I thought were peri have totally gone.

You could try anti depressants but that isn’t going to make you less boring if that’s what you’re worried about. Try a weekly art class or dance class - something that gets conversation going.

What symptoms disappeared?

Exhaustion, palpitations, and feeling breathless circulation issues at night, feeling cold, flakes nails, tinnitus.

I picked up on how unsatisfied you sound with your job, so wanted to say that it is never too late to re-train!
I currently have several friends all
pivoting in their late forties: to teaching yoga/hypnobirthing, to life-coaching, to charity work, one is doing a 3 year degree to become a psychotherapist! I myself have started showing houses on Saturdays and may switch to becoming an Estate Agent.

We all expect to be working another 20 years at least, so ask yourself, what job would you enjoy?

Treat yourself to a sportscar, I highly recommend it. You can go to many different car meets and meet interesting people and not just talk cars, or you can take solo day trips or longer and just visit places...NTrust, castles, soas, nature walks, cities etc wherever yu want. WHatever you haven't done in life is left...but also you can repeat experiences or travel in this country there is still a big world out there.
Antidepressants can work but walking in nature or swimming is maybe better to not be on them long term.

I think you need to add Do Nothing to your to do list. You sound shattered. Try scheduling an hour or two each weekend where you literally stop. Get a book or magazine and lie in the garden or on a sofa or in bed. Tell everyone you are very tired and need a rest so please not to disturb you. They will anyway but just say you'll help when you have finished your rest. Do this often enough and they will learn to leave you in peace during your rest time. Get DH to keep an eye on your youngest. Or go out and sit in a park or in a cafe or for a slow walk, just listening to the birdsong.

Take some pressure off yourself. Fewer 'shoulds'. If you don't want to entertain, decide you won't entertain until 2027. Promising yourself you don't have to, but that you will make the effort to later on might be a relief.

To overcome that flat feeling, try doing a really small new thing each day - maybe something you were always curious about when you didn't feel flat - trying a new food or drink, listening to new music, reading a poem, trying a new form of relaxation - different types of meditation or yoga etc. And also do the opposite - go back to some old favourites. Music and food you loved in your teens, favourite sitcoms, films, books etc.

Learn a new language free on Duolinguo or Airlearn?

I’m sorry that things feel flat @Tiddlywinkly, I can really sense that you’re feeling very low from your post.

I find your way of seeing things very different to my own though. I’m not suggesting you are ‘wrong’ at all, just that your perspective feels very different to mine which I find interesting.

I don’t really measure my life in terms of how far ‘up’ the scale of home size, qualifications, earnings etc that I have reached. Maybe that is why at 50 I live in a little house, do a job I love but which will never make me rich, and have not studied since I left uni..

By your yardstick I’ve achieved very little. But I am genuinely happy. I’ve weathered some major curveballs but life feels good, exciting, and full of possibilities and fun.

I don’t need or want a different house, or to move up the career ladder or earn more money. I have enough of everything.

I understand that in my shoes you would feel very unhappy and hopeless, but it is interesting that I don’t feel that way. Perhaps my brain is rather simple, but either way I feel lucky to feel this way.