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Work colleagues are not your friends

102 replies

TheSassyOpalMember · 02/06/2026 15:33

So I've obviously been naive again. Work in a nice team and got a big birthday coming up. Floated some dates with team members and booked a place for a party. Obviously booked it for friends and family too but with rough numbers including team members. As the date has got nearer most of the team aren't coming. Reasons such as they've double booked, too busy etc so not my numbers ate looking low. Work colleagues are not your friends

OP posts:
CerseisWig · 02/06/2026 16:06

That's so rude of them.

I have 2 close friends from an old workplace. I've socialised with the present work lot. I get on well with them but wouldn't say they're close. We recently celebrated a big birthday for one lady who has a shit family. She was so happy about it.

For non of them to bother is really bad. Thankfully you have friends and family who are there for you @TheSassyOpalMember

@Dontlletmedownbruce what a cow she was. To just disregard you like that! Fuck her.

BauhausOfEliott · 02/06/2026 16:11

I think maybe your concept of 'friends' is quite black and white. I would certainly consider some of my current and former work colleagues to my friends, but I wouldn't necessarily expect to be invited to their birthday parties and I doubt they'd expect me to prioritise it over other things I was. Some people keep their mates quite compartmentalised. I have friends I know through different things - I've got friends I was at school with years ago, friends I met through work and friends I've met initially through chatting to them online in forums relating to hobbies/interests. I consider them all friends but I wouldn't invite them all to the same party in a million years, and I also have different types of relationships with them. It doesn't mean some of them aren't 'real' friends, just that there are different sorts of friends.

Friendlygingercat · 02/06/2026 16:13

This seems to have become a trend over the years. I can recall organising nights out when almost everyone would come. However now people are more busy and flaky enough to cancel at the last minute because "something else" comes up. At one time you made a social engagement and (short of some emergency) you stuck to it, This is no longer the case.

wishingonastar101 · 02/06/2026 16:25

Some of my colleges are genuine friends - I have people who I would invite to my wedding from previous jobs....

NoraFatty · 02/06/2026 16:30

I honestly don't think it's a 'work friends' thing; it's just people in general now. I've met some of my best friends at work over the years.

I've long since stopped bothering to organise group things or parties as so many people just cancel or never turn up. It always makes me baffled when I see people posting on their social media that they've had X amount of people turning up to their wedding/party/baby shower when I can barely get two people to agree to turn up to anything I organise.

Putmedownfor5shagger · 02/06/2026 16:39

I really like my work colleagues but honestly, I spend so much time with them, I want to see other people when I'm not at work!

They shouldn't have said yes then cancel though.

DaisyChain505 · 02/06/2026 16:43

Dont take it personally OP, time outside of work is so limited and precious some people just can’t justify giving up that time to attend something with work colleagues when they’re already trying to juggle family, friends, errands, hobbies and anything else.

People are just generally running on empty in today’s world trying to juggle everything and typically the older we get the less fun a party with a bunch of strangers sounds.

Mary46 · 02/06/2026 16:46

Op I just meet friends one to one now as I found out people are unreliable. Even our group app nobody wants plan (5 us). So the app is quiet. I just cant be assed now.

TheSassyOpalMember · 02/06/2026 16:49

Some good points on here. Its a bit disappointing that for other colleagues everyone has turned up but such is life.

OP posts:
HRTQueen · 02/06/2026 16:55

I know its hard to not take it personally, I really like my colleagues company and will think of them out of work and when I leave I will miss them but they are great work friends I have a separate life outside and don't want it to cross over and I feel many people are the same

dancedallnight · 02/06/2026 17:03

Yep I’ve learned this the hard way too OP. When I left my last job all the people who promised they’d come to my leaving drinks dropped like flies. Even now, I hear them all chatting about their lunches together etc and I’m never included - they always talk loud enough to ensure that I’ve heard about it though

KrazyKatty · 02/06/2026 17:05

Could it be that because you’ve also invited family and other friends, the ones that are no longer coming are uncomfortable socialising with people they don’t know so have made their excuses?

I love meeting new people but I know others that would run a mile in the opposite direction if they have to socialise with a stranger.

BatchCookBabe · 02/06/2026 17:06

Yep, work colleagues are definitely not your friends. I left a job after 5 years some 15 years ago. My job was made redundant, and I was given a month's notice. There were 35 other employees there. I had no leaving party, no card with 35 names written in it, (or even a dozen!) no nothing. The Manager gave me a card saying 'best wishes' and a bunch of carnations from the petrol station across the road that cost £2.99. I did my last day, and most people didn't even wave goodbye. Never contacted me again.

Some others there got special treatment and a big party when they left, and some had big parties that 25 people from work went to when they were 25 or 30 or they'd have a hen party that 30-odd people would go to.... but once they'd left, I have to say, whilst a few kept in touch for some months, by the time they'd been gone a year, no-one was in contact any-more. So yes, it is common.

Out of every job I have ever had (I've had about 12 in my lifetime,) not ONE person has stayed in touch for long (if at all.) I have had 3 or 4 jobs where 1 or 2 people stayed in touch for 2-4 years, but they left the area, (or I did) or moved on into a different workplace themselves, and we lost touch.

I have also had 3 or 4 work colleagues in the past who have fucked me over and stabbed me in the back too. Made fuck-ups and arranged it so it looked like it was me who did it. (Or they stole my idea and presented it as their own.)

In previous workplaces (and my current one) we have socialised/do socialise a little, maybe 3-4 times a year, and they're all OK/were OK, but again, they would not stay in touch if I left.

I have just one very good friend who has stayed in touch from the past. And she is not an ex-work colleague ... From childhood. Known her 50 years. We see each other every 3-4 weeks, and have a very long history.

I have 4 other friends, (3 from my village, 1 from a hobby group.,) but we're not really close and they don't know much about me really, I just see them when I'm out, we socialise together maybe once a month, (at the pub or the village cafe in the parish hall,) and I see them when there's something going on in the little town not far from me. Sometimes chat for 10 minutes, sometimes grab a coffee, can depend on them in an emergency and so on, but not super close. I think if they or I left the village, we wouldn't stay in touch. My BFF of 50 years and I have stayed in touch through several house moves, and a number of job moves, and been there for each other through the deaths of our parents, and a number of other close family members, as we both know each others families.

But yeah, work colleagues...... Nah. They are NOT your friends.

PuppyMonkey · 02/06/2026 17:07

Some of my work colleagues ARE my proper friends though. Sorry to disappoint you.

WhatHappenedToYourFurnitureCuz · 02/06/2026 17:07

My three closest friends and I used to be colleagues. We now work in different places and are still close.

Work colleagues can indeed be your friends.

SaraOnSaturday · 02/06/2026 17:17

TheSassyOpalMember · 02/06/2026 15:33

So I've obviously been naive again. Work in a nice team and got a big birthday coming up. Floated some dates with team members and booked a place for a party. Obviously booked it for friends and family too but with rough numbers including team members. As the date has got nearer most of the team aren't coming. Reasons such as they've double booked, too busy etc so not my numbers ate looking low. Work colleagues are not your friends

Sorry to read this but essentially, no, work colleagues are not your friends. You're with a group of random people just put together to do a task.

People have busy lives inside and outside of work -so don't take it personally that they can't attend.

This is why sometimes when people leave an employment and don't stay in touch with colleagues, the ones that are left behind then start to question why.

On the flip side, I've known several people who have left/retired and they pop back into the office for a chat each week. Then the remaining ones complain about that too!

You may gel with 1 or 2 people on a different level, so if that's the case with the ones that are attending, just focus on that.

Concentrate on your friends and family that do celebrate your special day with you.

I hope you have a lovely birthday! 💐

TheSassyOpalMember · 02/06/2026 17:24

True. Ive stayed friends with 2 colleagues from 15 years ago but not many others. It just stings as so much effort has been made for other people

OP posts:
JunesDunes · 02/06/2026 17:24

I agree with the increased flakiness thing. It's almost like it's suddenly ok to not keep to your arrangements becsuse you're "tired" or have had a better offer. I've noticed a couple of friends have become so useless I just don't bother with them anymore. Then they get upset!

Also people just cba anymore. I think society is becoming more insular and people aren't so interested in socialising in person. Look at the rate pubs are closing because people just don't go to them anymore and this was when it was affordable.

Before covid, the work Christmas party would be A Thing. It would be 100+ people and a venue would be privately booked and there would be a committee formed to organise games, decorations and prizes etc. Most people in the company would go even if it was just to say hi and then leave. Since covid, it's lucky if 25 people go. Last year it was a complete wash out (I would have gone but didnt have anyone to go with). I think this year it's nothing more a see whoever can be bothered in the pub after work. It's a shame.

Ramburg · 02/06/2026 17:28

My best friend and godmother to one of my DC is a friend from work - but it was from our first grad job 30 years ago. I have other friends from that era who I have also kept in touch with because we were all single and socialised loads together outside work at that time. They are on par with my uni friends. However since I have had DC my new friends have come from local community and childrens school - I still have very close colleagues but I couldn’t be bothered integrating them now into my family and friends social life which is now people from my school days, uni, grad scheme, neighbours, kids school etc - just too many layers now to bother including more people. But if invited I would attend a colleagues party as I like meeting new people.

JunesDunes · 02/06/2026 17:35

TheSassyOpalMember · 02/06/2026 17:24

True. Ive stayed friends with 2 colleagues from 15 years ago but not many others. It just stings as so much effort has been made for other people

I understand. That's why I never tell people my birthday or organise anything about me anymore. I think I'm very low down on most people's priorities and seen as quite disposable and there are only so many times you can be reminded of that.

I dont think many people go into work looking to make friends though? I think most people go to work because they have to and if they meet some people they get on with great but it's not like you are there because you have anything in common with your colleagues other than needing to pay a mortgage.

SaraOnSaturday · 02/06/2026 17:37

TheSassyOpalMember · 02/06/2026 17:24

True. Ive stayed friends with 2 colleagues from 15 years ago but not many others. It just stings as so much effort has been made for other people

That's life unfortunately.

You will encounter flakey people as well as make lifelong friends.

It's the same everywhere.

FatEndoftheWedge · 02/06/2026 17:39

@TheSassyOpalMember a co worker I was extremely fond of asked us all to her big bday and I did want to go but I just didn't feel comfy not knowing anyone else or socialising with cliquey co workers even though i really liked her

Brenzaida · 02/06/2026 17:42

TheSassyOpalMember · 02/06/2026 16:49

Some good points on here. Its a bit disappointing that for other colleagues everyone has turned up but such is life.

But respectfully, maybe they consider the other colleagues who have had birthdays proper out of work friends? I agree with @BauhausOfEliott that you sound a bit black and white on this. The people in your workplace that you're closest to will attend your party unless they genuinely have something else on, but surely you wouldn't expect people you're not close to outside of work to prioritise it? I mean, would you shift other plans to go to the party of a colleague you had only a fairly distant nodding acquaintance with?

I don't think there are any 'shoulds' here.

PuppyMonkey · 02/06/2026 17:44

You're with a group of random people just put together to do a task.

So how did you meet your “real” friends then? At school? Uni? Hobby? Surely they’re other examples of being thrown together with random people? Some of whom you make connection with…Confused

Malasana · 02/06/2026 17:45

I’ve learned this lesson the hard way. Took me a fair few occasions of being horribly disappointed in people I thought were friends before I finally realised.