Is it normal to feel sad after ending a good relationship?

[roses6]

So I was dating this guy for around 6 months. For various reasons and a lot of thinking, I realised that it wasn’t going to work long-term and we broke up over the weekend.

It was the first time I’ve had to do that. I’ve only ever had a 3/4 month relationship before and have dated a few guys but nothing serious.

I wasn’t expecting to but I found the whole thing so emotional. I couldn’t stop crying with him because he’s a good guy, he’s been so kind to me, we’ve had a nice time together… but just long term we aren’t compatible (and he also agreed with this). It was really nice getting to say “goodbye” as we both care for the other. We also agreed to check in with each other in about a month, as I really was a bit of a mess with him.

I know I won’t feel like this forever, and it’s only been a few days, but is it normal to feel sad? To question whether I made the right decision? To think about him and wonder if he’s ok?

Would be grateful for any advice or any online resources I can read that would help me navigate this unknown territory 😔

I mean god knows what else was in there as it was full in January. I raised the cleanliness of his flat yes, he said he would get a cleaner but he never did.

Reading your post OP reminded me how very sad I was when I ended a marriage over 25 years ago. We were together for 12 years in total and he was a serial adulterer. I didn’t see it for years in my happy married bubble. Then I took about another 4/5 years to realise that it would never change.
We met up after I’d left and I was so upset (trying to hide it) while trying to sort a few things out. He was very angry because I’d moved on and had met someone else. He acted as though I was the bad guy too :/
But honestly it broke my heart, even though I’d started to fall for a new man.
I see him about sometimes and we always say hi, smile and move on. I was very down for weeks and weeks..but I had to be realistic, he’d had so many chances.

He ain't sounding so good now!

Well that’s fair enough op - people have their deal breakers and so forth and that is quite disgusting- even if say he never emptied the bin because he didn’t use it but I guess there are other issues with his domestic space too?

Personally I don’t think I’d dare leave a tampon in someone’s bin who I had just met (and I don’t want a pile on pls lol from the feminist brigade)

It would be odd not to be sad about a good relationship ending, if someone else made that happen. But if you choose to end it, surely you don't think it's good? You talk about long-term and not wanting it,
If you now really feel differently, and that it could be good long-term, say-but only if that is the case. Anything is better than being sad about it and wishing you had.

It is the case where some people just don’t see the mess apparently!

I mean you could always be friends with benefits op? But questions are - is his clothes/teeth and body clean?

If there’s any question marks over these then run for the hills!

Do you know what attachment type you are? I had an ex who would dump me if things got serious or he got insecure I wasn’t happy or scared I’d leave him and it was him finding fault with me and reasons to leave but then he’d regret it. He was an avoidant attachment. He’d feel better immediately after ending things and then not. It was really hard to cope with and I just couldn’t. I’ve never experienced it before. Just with you saying about shorter relationships before seems a bit avoidant? this being your longest one. It’s interesting if you look into it as we are all affected by childhood and develop different coping mechanisms and can often be driven by these without realising. I’m an anxious preoccupied attachment which can cause its own issues but I seek closeness and will try hard To make things work even if it’s not right.

I am an anxious attachment style through and through!

Then is this why you feel you miss him and you’re thinking about his good qualities? I think you’ll absolutely miss him and feel alone to go from messaging each day etc. I think that about a recent ex and our relationship was really difficult and not good for me. The avoidant one. I think we also can tend to be drawn to avoidant types so if someone is into us it puts us off as we don’t feel a spark. Me anyway 😅

Oh yes absolutely. I get attached so easily so even though I know he wasn’t right for me, I strongly felt attached to him.

I’ve just read your update OP and it’s pretty grim if he didn’t clean his bin for several months. If that’s a deal breaker for you (and more importantly, he wasn’t prepared to change when you expressed this was the case),then fair enough.

Isn’t it infuriating? I sometimes can’t figure out what’s my attachment and what’s real 😆

I honestly sometimes wish I didn’t care so much, or feel like this, and just spent the time thinking about other people focusing on myself 😅🥺

DP and I broke up (my decision) last summer, 10 months into our relationship. I thought I would be ok, but I felt actual physical pain in my chest and arms. I cried a lot too.

you just have to go through it. I had completely forgotten what heartbreak feels like, and I hope to never experience it again.

stay strong. You have my sympathy, it’s not pleasant. 💐

It’s horrible isn’t it! I genuinely just didn’t expect to feel like this? I think that’s what has caught me off guard. I was expecting to feel some sort of relief but it’s the opposite.

Although we have just become ex's, I was with my DC dad for 16 years and we were chalk and cheese.
I knew that in the beginning and it wasnt an issue until our DC2 came along.
I developed PND and for me thats when everything changed really.
I went on to grow but he has ko interest in personal development and thats one of the reasons we split up.

My story doesn't have to be your story.
Communication is key x

Its like grief.
A loss is a loss and its natural to grieve.

Is there any chance he might get back with you?

I don’t think so. He agreed we weren’t compatible long term, but I don’t know if he was just saying that to make himself feel better. We agreed we would check in with each other in around a month just to see how we are getting on but tbh seeing how I’ve felt this week I don’t think that’s a good idea!

It is grief isn’t it!!

If he comes back in a month and says he’s considered everything you’ve said…he’s cleaned up…he’s going to stay on top of it because you’re worth too much to lose…would you get back together?

Sorry you're getting some inappropriate replies about whether you've made the right decision op. It wasn't what you were asking, you are sure in your thinking and your reasons are entirely sound, so I do think you've made a good choice. Of course it is natural to grieve someone leaving our life even if we know it is the right thing.

Why are you asking that? Him behaving like that wouldn't point to a healthy future for a relationship at all, and all you are doing is suggesting she clings to a tiny shaft of hope that things could be different (very unlikely, people rarely change and he hasn't offered to) when it would be much better for her to close the door and move on.

There were other issues, so no I don’t think I would.

I’ve been through something very similar, but mine was over 5 years. It takes time, it’s hard and it’s horrible, and you second guess yourself a lot. I do honestly believe it’s like grief, I went through the stages!!! When I found he’d moved on (which he was perfectly entitled to do) I reached ‘anger’ … and oh man was I angry!!! I obsessively watched Aileen and hated all men for about a fortnight hahahaha!

I’m a year on now and completely healed and so relieved I ended things. My life and peace is so much improved. Hang in there!!

Are you sure you don’t want to try to make it work? What were his habits that you couldn’t live with and would he change them for you?x