Is it normal to feel sad after ending a good relationship?

[roses6]

So I was dating this guy for around 6 months. For various reasons and a lot of thinking, I realised that it wasn’t going to work long-term and we broke up over the weekend.

It was the first time I’ve had to do that. I’ve only ever had a 3/4 month relationship before and have dated a few guys but nothing serious.

I wasn’t expecting to but I found the whole thing so emotional. I couldn’t stop crying with him because he’s a good guy, he’s been so kind to me, we’ve had a nice time together… but just long term we aren’t compatible (and he also agreed with this). It was really nice getting to say “goodbye” as we both care for the other. We also agreed to check in with each other in about a month, as I really was a bit of a mess with him.

I know I won’t feel like this forever, and it’s only been a few days, but is it normal to feel sad? To question whether I made the right decision? To think about him and wonder if he’s ok?

Would be grateful for any advice or any online resources I can read that would help me navigate this unknown territory 😔

Breaking up is famously painful.. please don’t be swayed by posters implying you should have stayed with him!! You sound like you’ve made a sensible, mature decision and I’m really impressed. Not sure I could have been so level headed.

The worst times are when you’re sat home alone. Try to use the time to make a bit of a plan for how you’re going to deal with the next few weeks then months.

Do you have any friends you can lean on? Do you like journaling/writing your thoughts? There are even apps you can get that help walk you through a break up.

You can sometimes feel that it physically hurts you, this sort of emotional pain. It’s truly awful but it WILL pass. Just be kind and gentle to yourself.

Thank you @trebeco.

It is painful and it’s caught me off guard. I didn’t expect to feel like this when I made the decision to call it off.

Luckily I do have lots of lovely friends around me who are being very supportive. I guess I just have to give myself time to get used to not messaging him every day, or seeing him etc.

Is deleting his messages and all of the pictures I have of us a good idea?

Only you can answer that.

I couldn’t bring myself to delete the message history and photos so I just moved it all off my phone onto a USB stick. That way I’m not tempted to look at them on my phone but I have them saved to look back on if I want to when I’m healed and in a better place.

That’s a good idea. I think I might do that.

Woken up again feeling all sad and panicky. But I know this is going to be rough and I’ve just got to give myself time.

Found today really hard again - been emotional again! This sucks 😢

@roses6 Give it a bit of time. You will feel better. I know it's difficult. Don't act in haste. 💐

It’s up to you whether you delete messages and photos. I don’t. The photos I have are a reminder of good experiences and tbf I look great in some of them so I don’t see the point.

My ex deleted all of our chats and my number. I didn’t as it was useful in weaker moments to reread what he said. That helped me to stay strong and maintain NC as what he said was pretty grim. With no apology for his behaviour. If you’re going to read them and only see the good times, that won’t help you. But if you can be reminded of their poor behaviour by keeping them it can have its uses.
Archive them so you don’t see their name in WhatsApp when you go to send a message to someone else. I’ve changed my ex’s photo so I don’t see his face either.

I would say it is normal to feel sad after any relationship, including a bad one.

I was very very sad about ending my relationship with my first boyfriend when I was 17, as we were both going off to different universities and I knew it wouldn't last.

I was very sad when ending my last marriage (I have since remarried) because I felt like a total failure and I was angry with myself for not doing it sooner.

Of course it's normal for you to be sad.

I think it would be really very odd if you broke up with someone you cared about and didnt feel a thing

And re: deleting messages and photos.... I actually kept all of my first boyfriends letters (it was a long time ago) even when I was married. He had made me very happy and was a very romantic writer. They made me feel good. It wasn't that I wanted my relationship back, it was a reminder of a happy time.

With my first husband - he was an arse and I didn't want anything more to do with him. The bailiffs turning up on the doorstep was quite enough of a reminder!

Why not tell him how you feel? Speak with him?

Could you not be friends

IMO if there was anything truly there, you can't then be just friends.

It is normal to feel sad. It could also have been a mistake. Your reasons don't seem that strong when you say he's a great guy and you had a nice time together. Well, unless the habit you dislike is something serious like drug/gambling addiction which are understandable deal breakers? You're unlikely to find someone who ticks all the boxes.

Its really normal, you would be a bit odd if you found it easy. I had to do the same a long time as I wanted children and he didn’t, we now both find it odd that we were ever together.

You’ll get there, you just need time and time spent doing things for you.

Well you must have cared a great deal about each other. Would that have overcome any issues?

I really don’t understand why you would break up with this guy - you’re clearly still in love with him. I dumped the love of my life around that age and guess what? I never found anyone like him again. He married and moved on; I never did. And regretted it ever since (15 years ago).

Our lifestyles were very different and I didn’t like some of his habits, despite me addressing them with him. What habits?

I’ve been out with some friends tonight and was feeling a lot better but now after having a few drinks feel very lonely again!

Without going into much detail, it was mostly to do with his lifestyle. He didn’t do any drugs or anything but it was clear he didn’t look after himself nor his personal space and I just couldn’t see it working long term.

He was only my second relationship and I think we both thought at the beginning it could may be serious. I don’t know. I honestly just feel mega shit now and want to message him because I enjoyed his company but I know that’s not a reason to be with someone.

I don’t think I am in love with him. I just think I don’t have much relationship experience and he was there mostly when I needed him and I am trying to come to terms with him not being in my life after 6 months of speaking everyday.

but it was clear he didn’t look after himself nor his personal space you're being ever so vague!

As in didn’t brush his teeth and his flat was a mess?

Or didn’t go to the gym, ate takeaways and had a low skilled job?

Come on op tell us more

I don’t want to go into much detail but his flat was dirty - e.g. I put a tampon applicator in his bathroom bin in January (when the bin was full) and it was still there at the end of April.

Ew. Three months? So there must have been a smell?
Yeah, that's not good. Did you ask him about it? I mean, some men are pretty undomesticated and some of those some can change. I've seen it. Whether you want to put the work in to encourage that change is another matter.