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Original poster

Would a thank-you gift for my son's manager be appropriate?

68 replies

upperlowertimescale · 02/06/2026 08:17

DS has been working on a building site. He doesn’t drive yet. His test is soon. He’s been taken to work and brought home again each day. The guy who has done it for the last 6/8 months has stopped due to him being a manager and not being on the same site every day - new site starting soon. Plus he has his own commitments after work with his kids and general day to day life etc. Someone else has started to take DS. In the time the manager had been taking him, DS has bought him lunch, gave him a gift card at Christmas, bought breakfast and drinks etc. Fuel is paid for by the company/company vehicle, so a contribution was not needed towards that.

So, as a parent this has been unbelievably helpful. DH and I could never have committed to getting him to site each day and there is no public transport available either. If he didn’t have a lift, he wouldn’t have been able to work. I’d like to say thank you and buy a gift for the manager. Possibly a voucher for dinner or Marks and Spencer. Just to say how much we appreciated all he’s done from a parents point of view.

Yes or an absolutely not?

OP posts:
notthatoldchestnut · 02/06/2026 08:21

No. He’s an adult. Parents should not be getting involved at that stage.

AmethystDeceiver · 02/06/2026 08:22

Your (adult?) son should do this. His manager did him the favour, even if it benefited you.

Give your son the money for it if you want but it should come from him

Original poster
upperlowertimescale · 02/06/2026 08:22

DS is 17.

OP posts:

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Brenzaida · 02/06/2026 08:25

Absolutely not — are you on glue?

Dimblyping · 02/06/2026 08:26

My feeling is no.

I wanted to email my daughter's sixth form tutor to say thank you for supporting her so well and at 18 my daughter said no, please don't, I'm an adult and I have said my own thank yous. I am the one who has a relationship with my tutor, not you. I think your son at his job needs at least that much respect for his autonomy, much as I do get what a help it has, in practice, been for you.

If you've brought him up to show appreciation, job done. Trust him, don't undermine his newly minted autonomy as an adult in the workplace.

Original poster
upperlowertimescale · 02/06/2026 08:27

Brenzaida · 02/06/2026 08:25

Absolutely not — are you on glue?

No, just wanted to say thank you. That’s all.

OP posts:
MyFavouritePlace · 02/06/2026 08:30

I don't see why you can't arrange it and then get your DS to give it from him.
I think it's really nice thing to do.

Megifer · 02/06/2026 08:31

Lovely thought op, maybe get a crate of beers or something to give your lad to pass on?

foreversunshine · 02/06/2026 08:31

I'd encourage my son to get him a small thank you in the form of a case of lager etc. I think that's sincere without it being overzealously appreciative.

Obviously not everyone consumes alcohol but assuming you don't specifically know that he doesn't, it's casual enough to meet the needs here. I think vouchers or similar will feel less 'blokey-cheers-esque' (which is the technical term, I believe 😅)

Stoicandhappy · 02/06/2026 08:31

I think it’s a good thing to do but make it from DS, not from you? The manager will probably guess you have had input but it’s less infantilising.

Oncemorewithsome · 02/06/2026 08:32

no- coach your son and support him to say thank you with a gift.

Livelovelaughfuckoff · 02/06/2026 08:33

God no. I would say that regardless or where he worked but especially not if he works on a building site! It’s very common for young apprentices to hitch lifts with other construction workers and it sound like your son has already shown his appreciation. honestly he will be ribbed to death on a building site if others get wind that mummy is buying gifts for the manager! Time to cut the apron strings!

AmethystDeceiver · 02/06/2026 08:33

That is a perfect age to learn about how to thank people appropriately when they do you a huge favour, so really good to let him take the lead on this (with your encouragement)

Harhar · 02/06/2026 08:35

I don’t think it’s as big a no as some are making it out to be. Who doesn’t like being thanked? Probably best just from your son though.

SoScarletItWas · 02/06/2026 08:35

In the time the manager had been taking him, DS has bought him lunch, gave him a gift card at Christmas, bought breakfast and drinks

It sounds like DS has done lots of thank-yous along the way. If he was never going to see this manager again, maybe it would be ok for an additional thank you. But I think it would be OTT (and would think this if one of my team did it as their manager).

Should YOU do it as the parent? Categorically not.

Irememberwhenitwasallfieldsroundhere · 02/06/2026 08:36

I can understand that you want to show your gratitude but are worried it might seem over the top. I think a short note and a small gift is completely fine and the manager will like it, I would if I had done the favour. Any more and it's a bit, I don't know what the word is, weird? He's only 17 and although of course he should say thanks and I'm sure he has, it's nice if you do so too. Ignore people asking if you're on glue, this is Mumsnet! Managers know that 17 year olds have parents at home looking out for them.

I recently wrote to my son's sixth form head to say thank you to her because she didn't expel him when she really could have and had grounds to. If she had, he wouldn't have completed A levels, gone to university and had the great job he's got now. So I wrote and told her so and she was really pleased and invited him to come back to the school and speak to sixth formers about his career. She remembered him and me and was really pleased I wrote. He is 28 and was fine with my writing (I didn't ask beforehand, just forwarded it afterwards).

Original poster
upperlowertimescale · 02/06/2026 08:37

Thanks. I’ll leave it to DS. Glad I asked though.

OP posts:
Dizzydrizzy · 02/06/2026 08:38

I would! He’s done you all a favour. People can be a bit weird on here once a kid hits their 16th birthday

Brenzaida · 02/06/2026 08:38

upperlowertimescale · 02/06/2026 08:27

No, just wanted to say thank you. That’s all.

Show quote history

But the manager is doing your son a favour, not you. He has said thank you and offered small tokens of appreciation.

babasaclover · 02/06/2026 08:40

@upperlowertimescale lovely and very normal thing to do to say thank you with a present.

Sometimes I really wonder who he is on Mum’s net when you are trying to do something nice and people are asking if you are on glue 😂 You are doing the polite thing of saying thank you for doing a good turn. Please go ahead with it maybe a local restaurant voucher or something.

SparkyBlue · 02/06/2026 08:48

Yes absolutely 100% a meal voucher or M&S one would be appreciated. As you’ve said without this lift your son couldn’t have worked. Several friends have sons who are apprentices so I have heard from them all about the issues of getting transport sorted and the stress of trying to get tests passed asap. My friend took
a small loan recently to get her son a car as otherwise he couldn’t start his apprenticeship. I think people are being very weird on here. Give it from your son rather than you .

Anarchy99 · 02/06/2026 08:57

Nice thought but I wouldn’t. Sounds like your DS has shown his gratitude throughout (parenting win right there!) but he’s an adult employee (as far as they are concerned) so don’t think a parent should get involved.

You have clearly done an amazing job of bringing up a young man with manners but it feels a bit infantilising to give a present from you.

I think you are clearly a lovely person though to think of it!

Anarchy99 · 02/06/2026 09:01

Dizzydrizzy · 02/06/2026 08:38

I would! He’s done you all a favour. People can be a bit weird on here once a kid hits their 16th birthday

Only because it feels infantilising for someone who is old enough to have a job to have a parent involved with their employer is concerned, like sending your child into school with a present for teacher.

DreadedInn · 02/06/2026 09:07

He may only be 17 but he is working. This is between your son and this guy. Please don’t embarrass him.

DysonHoover · 02/06/2026 09:08

What does your son think?

If he's ok with it I don't see why not. As a pp said, who doesn't like to be thanked.

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