Would a thank-you gift for my son's manager be appropriate?

[upperlowertimescale]

DS has been working on a building site. He doesn’t drive yet. His test is soon. He’s been taken to work and brought home again each day. The guy who has done it for the last 6/8 months has stopped due to him being a manager and not being on the same site every day - new site starting soon. Plus he has his own commitments after work with his kids and general day to day life etc. Someone else has started to take DS. In the time the manager had been taking him, DS has bought him lunch, gave him a gift card at Christmas, bought breakfast and drinks etc. Fuel is paid for by the company/company vehicle, so a contribution was not needed towards that.

So, as a parent this has been unbelievably helpful. DH and I could never have committed to getting him to site each day and there is no public transport available either. If he didn’t have a lift, he wouldn’t have been able to work. I’d like to say thank you and buy a gift for the manager. Possibly a voucher for dinner or Marks and Spencer. Just to say how much we appreciated all he’s done from a parents point of view.

Yes or an absolutely not?

No! That’d be like me ringing my son’s manager at work! Butt out

Exactly. The OP should do this only if she’s ok with her son being known as Mummy’s Pride and Joy on the site.

Oh good point about the building site - those places can be BRUTAL!

Absolutely not. How embarrassing for him!

We had builders here for six months of last year. One new young guy fell asleep on his tea break during his first week and was known as Sleeping Beauty to everyone for the rest of the build.

It sounds as though your son has found ways to thank him already - good lad.

I think he needs to be allowed to make his own decisions about this.

Can you imagine his embarrassment when he says his mum bought the gift? He's in the workplace now, that's his relationship, not yours.

Probably for the rest of his career 😂

I wouldn’t to be honest. He has paid for breakfasts and lunches, a Christmas gift etc. I think that is enough.
And I very much think it is up to your son to know what is right and okay here and what is a step too far and considered a bit OTT.

No one said he shouldn't be thanked. You've literally said exactly what most are saying, that it should come from her DS.

And the DS has shown gratitude all along and it sounds like he’s done the right things, paying for things etc.

Most bosses would be uncomfortable with also being given something afterwards and making a big deal of it.

Particularly in the building trade where it’s not exactly ‘touchy feely’.

He is out in the working world as a grown up now and needs to treat his boss as his boss rather than a friend or teacher.

And he WILL get a lot of stick if he doesn’t read the room!

Not really no. I said I don’t think it’d be the big deal some are making out it would if the op bought something but, to be on the safe side, let the son sort it. Not really the same as are you on glue.

All he will end up doing is embarrassing the man if he does do that. But less so than if the mother did it I suppose

Crate of beer, thanks for all the lifts. I can’t see the issue.

I don’t think it’s appropriate coming from you OP. While it’s a nice idea your son will feel childish and his manager may view him as a kid if you do this and not a collegue. Work have probably instructed the manager to collect DS.

Also don’t get him beer either. God I’m sick of people thanking DH with bottles of alcohol. Neither of us drink!

Jesus wept. This place 😂

Do you not think it would embarrass the recipient and leave the DS wide open to a lot of piss taking? It’s the construction industry not a nice gentle environment

I agree with this.

I think it would be lovely and greatly appreciated. The world needs more kindness and appreciation. If he wasn’t driving your 17 year old you would had too.

Don’t you get out much?

OP — agree with others saying it’s a nice thing to do but say it’s from DS, not you

My daughter is over 40 and a traveling nurse. The person that arranges her contracts every 13-weeks had gone over and above to help her one time. I sent him a dozen homemade cupcakes for what he had done. He was very thankful and so was my daughter! I say go ahead and send something!

I’m simply very familiar with building sites. Having your Mummy give the site foreman a thank you present for giving her son lifts will go down like a bowl of cold sick in terms of her DS making his way in this environment.

Did you feel your DD wasn't capable of thanking them herself in her own way?

Do you try and live through her? Genuinely asking as if my DM did this with my work, I'd find it strange.

Same as I wouldn't be contacting anyone at her work place to thank them for anything they'd done for her.

I said, twice, I don’t think it’d be as bad as some are making out to be but leave it to your son.

The Jesus wept was for the poster who said don’t buy beer because she doesn’t drink.

No don't, it's your son's responsibility to decide if this is appropriate and then act on it