How have others coped with long-term rejection by a parent?

[Purpleflutterby]

Has anyone been rejected by a parent.where they just cut you off .
Had nothing more to do with you , refused to acknowledge grandchildren,and kept it up for 30 years or some other amount of time
It wasn't your choice and they refused your numerous efforts to reach out .

And are you living a normal life ,?
how did it effect you .?
Is it to be expected a person would have mental health problems from being rejected by a parent?
If you were able to move on ,not let it effect you and have no mental health problems..how did you do that ?

@TorroFerney

hmm

that doesn’t really explain why an adult would actively seek out a parent who chose to have nothing to do with them over the parent that gave them everything

I’m a lone parent and I can tell you that I’d feel incredibly betrayed if my children decided as adults that they wanted to pursue a relationship with the father who left Because he didn’t want to parent (physically emotionally mentally or financially) there is such a thing as loyalty.

I find these posts spiteful. You've no idea what the whole package is made up of but, because this man in his 70s has chosen (for possibly a very good reason?) to no longer contact his family, I should be LTB? You've no idea what he's like, the support he has given me during an ongoing cancer trip, the way he got up in the middle of the night (without a moan) to rescue my daughter marooned at a main railway station? All the babysitting he did for my GC? The stuff he does every day to make me more comfortable? Enjoy your perfect lives.

From personal experience…..carry on with your own life. I put the ball into my parents court after seeking counselling because of their actions, wrote a letter even and delivered it personally. After no response I resided to the fact that I was to waste no more time or energy ..life is far too short. X

Oh gosh ..so many deleted messages..not good

I can't really now ,as one has very bad dementia and one has died
But I'm glad that works for you
And if I'd done that years ago ,it most probably would of worked for me

But you don’t get to say who your children have relationships with. It’s for them to decide.

Contact with the other parent does not detract away from all the heavy lifting you did and the respect an adult child will have.

It’s natural to want to know your parents.

You absolutely get to say who your dc have relationships with. That's called being responsible... As adults my dc were of course free to seek out my dm /df.. They haven't.

that's awful I’m sorry - my mum pretended not to see me a few weeks ago, it’s really odd. She was behind me so not as overt, I nearly turned round as I heard her talking to the dog but then thought sod you. And we do speak , well when I contact her or she wants me to do something.

That’s quite an emotionally immature way of thinking though - you are inserting yourself there and how you would feel, that they are disloyal. It’s not about you. It’s about what they need. There isn’t such a thing as loyalty from a child, that’s completely wrong. You chose to have that child. You and their father created the environment grew up in.

I can understand where those feelings come from and the thoughts they’d generate in you and the sadness but no they aren’t disloyal it doesn’t change how they feel about you. It’s an awful position to put a child in or an adult child, you are making them choose. Children want their parents, they want to see their dad because they think it’s them that they have done something wrong , that’s a child’s survival instinct they can’t comprehend that it’s the adult.

your

My mum did that ,always making me choose between her and other people.
I lost some relatives because she said I had to choose between her and them and I couldn't have them in my life and her as well

My parents caused me no end of mental health problems
I really wish I had been a stronger person,able to walk away and able to switch of my feelings so I didn't care
I really admire anyone who was able to walk away from a dysfunctional relationship with their parents and put themselves first

No you don’t- what right have you to block or undermine a relationship with with the non resident parent?

How healthy is it to scream at your adult DD aged 30 because you heard they had been in contact with the other parent.

How appropriate is it to use emotional blackmail to manipulate adult DD getting married to not inviting the other parent?

The only time it is reasonable to prevent a DC relationships with any other is if there is a safeguarding issue.