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He flaked on me. Do I leave him to it?

73 replies

gloriousday34 · 31/05/2026 13:08

So. Long story short guy at thr gym was looking at me intensely for a good week. We exchanged lots of glances. Finally on Friday he speaks to me. We were parked next to each other. We got talking about work and what we do. He said look I think you’re attractive and I’d like your number if we can do something on Sunday let’s grab a coffee. We talked about various things like weekend plans and he also said im a liscenced massage therapist too. So I said oh god dont be one of those guys. Intimacy is accessible anywhere now days you need to have a connection with women. Be then said yeah yeah I know what you mean. We then talked about coffee again and he said listen I’ll let you know if anything changes and . I said yes perfect. I would love that. Swapped numbers. He texted me as soon as he got in thr car to leave with his name and a “x” Liked all my instagram stories of me and my outfits etc. we texted a bit but nothing too deep over Friday and Saturday. Anyway. This morning I got “hey im not gonna be able to do today ive just got some bits and bobs to do” so I just said “that’s alright. No worries x” because I’m not going to beg for this.

I just feel a bit confused. What did I do wrong?? What did I say or do. I nearly said when are you next free but then thought no actually he should be the one saying that to me!!

my question is, shall I let him go and forget about it because clearly he’s not putting any ounce of effort in here.

OP posts:
Justyouwaitandseeagain · 31/05/2026 14:02

I think your response was spot on. I wouldn't rule him out entirely. Bits and bobs could mean different things - it could be genuine. The next move is clearly his, so I would just wait and see what he does next without getting to invested yourself.

Holidaymodeon · 31/05/2026 14:08

‘Instagram stories of me and my outfits etc’
do you always do this or was it something to try to keep his interest?
sounds like he was bored endearly on in the process to not see a need to pursue this any further .
when I’m dating or planning to date I always check their socials early doors and if something puts me off then i would give them a swerve.

KentCatLady · 31/05/2026 14:09

A bloke who chooses to do, “bits and bobs,” instead of keeping the plans you made is seriously not worthy of you!!!

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YoBetty · 31/05/2026 14:10

gloriousday34 · 31/05/2026 13:56

Maybe he just realised it would be too much effort. But it caught me off guard. In convo he seemed very nice and genuinely friendly. Spent 2 weeks or however long making eye contact. Sitting near me. Using the cafe when I did. Then when it came to it. He just flaked, makes no sense to me

Makes perfect sense to me. He thought he was onto a dead cert, but it has belatedly dawned on him that you won't be as easily persuaded to jump on his cock as he hoped you would be.

Victoriawould24 · 31/05/2026 14:24

Exactly right @YoBetty.
He liked the chase and the ego boost that you were willing if he chose to play with you.
Don’t reply even if he gets back in touch and just put it behind you.

gloriousday34 · 31/05/2026 15:03

YoBetty · 31/05/2026 14:10

Makes perfect sense to me. He thought he was onto a dead cert, but it has belatedly dawned on him that you won't be as easily persuaded to jump on his cock as he hoped you would be.

See now this. This is what I think. As soon as I said listen sex is easy to find anywhere like I’d youre that type of man then this isn’t worth it. And suddenly today I reckon it dawned on him that actually it would be effort and it’s effort he doesn’t want to put in

OP posts:
Davros · 31/05/2026 15:06

I thought it was going to be a long story about a short guy at the gym

Floppyearedlab · 31/05/2026 15:07

StormGazing · 31/05/2026 13:16

Fuck it, be aloof and let him chase you. A few bits and bobs to do 🙄

This

What a lame excuse is that?

champagnePicnic · 31/05/2026 15:08

gloriousday34 · 31/05/2026 15:03

See now this. This is what I think. As soon as I said listen sex is easy to find anywhere like I’d youre that type of man then this isn’t worth it. And suddenly today I reckon it dawned on him that actually it would be effort and it’s effort he doesn’t want to put in

I think it’s the way you worded it to him. It comes across as rude so I’m not surprised he made up an excuse. The massage therapist explanation could be because you both attended a gym and obviously getting a massage is a regular part of healing a body. You might have taken it the wrong way

Greentomatoes24 · 31/05/2026 15:10

I wouldn't write him off just yet, although leave him to get in contact. He did say he would let you know if anything changes, and obviously something did. Sometimes its not that deep. Carry on with your life, but don't think you did/said anything wrong. He's a guy you just met - don't be questioning every little thing trying to convince yourself it's your fault, because its not.

gloriousday34 · 31/05/2026 15:11

champagnePicnic · 31/05/2026 15:08

I think it’s the way you worded it to him. It comes across as rude so I’m not surprised he made up an excuse. The massage therapist explanation could be because you both attended a gym and obviously getting a massage is a regular part of healing a body. You might have taken it the wrong way

Hmmm i dont think sooo

OP posts:
YoBetty · 31/05/2026 15:14

champagnePicnic · 31/05/2026 15:08

I think it’s the way you worded it to him. It comes across as rude so I’m not surprised he made up an excuse. The massage therapist explanation could be because you both attended a gym and obviously getting a massage is a regular part of healing a body. You might have taken it the wrong way

If he's a genuine bona fide massage therapist I'll eat my hat.

gloriousday34 · 31/05/2026 15:15

YoBetty · 31/05/2026 15:14

If he's a genuine bona fide massage therapist I'll eat my hat.

Just an excuse to get laid isn’t it

OP posts:
Tontostitis · 31/05/2026 15:16

Lavenderandbrown · 31/05/2026 13:25

Can you please clarify what the conversational exchange re: his employment was…he said he was a massage therapist and I said oh god don’t be one of those? If I’m reading it correctly it seems you made fun of negatively responded to his occupation? Did that put him off?

Yeah I'd go away think about it maybe discuss it with friends and not want to meet you if you said that

SnappyQuoter · 31/05/2026 15:16

champagnePicnic · 31/05/2026 15:08

I think it’s the way you worded it to him. It comes across as rude so I’m not surprised he made up an excuse. The massage therapist explanation could be because you both attended a gym and obviously getting a massage is a regular part of healing a body. You might have taken it the wrong way

No massage therapist in the UK says the words “I’m a licensed massage therapist.” It was bollocks, to get her into bed. And she still gave him her number 😬. At least he cancelled today and OP had a chance to stay away from the sleaze.

Quitelikeit · 31/05/2026 15:17

No offence but how do you know he wanted sex with you?

The bottom line is he isn’t interested in you now he knows a little about you

Hatty65 · 31/05/2026 15:17

champagnePicnic · 31/05/2026 15:08

I think it’s the way you worded it to him. It comes across as rude so I’m not surprised he made up an excuse. The massage therapist explanation could be because you both attended a gym and obviously getting a massage is a regular part of healing a body. You might have taken it the wrong way

Nope.

He was enjoying the chase and it boosted his ego when she said she'd like a coffee because it showed what a stud he was.

She also made it clear that 'cheap sex' wasn't an option, and so he quickly lost interest and will move on to someone else, whilst flattering himself that he caught her interest.

Chuck this one back. If he can't be bothered to make any effort for a first meet then he'll never improve. This is him at his best.

Tontostitis · 31/05/2026 15:17

gloriousday34 · 31/05/2026 15:15

Just an excuse to get laid isn’t it

Why do you want to see him again? It sounds like you're looking down on him already either for his job or for making a joke

Quitelikeit · 31/05/2026 15:18

Who would even talk about sex within minutes of meeting someone 😂😂😂

ididabigfatsmelly · 31/05/2026 15:19

F

gloriousday34 · 31/05/2026 15:24

Tontostitis · 31/05/2026 15:17

Why do you want to see him again? It sounds like you're looking down on him already either for his job or for making a joke

No didn’t look down on his job because that’s something he did 3 years ago and now does something totally different I think the whole thing was let me drop in that I can give you a massage and see how you react. Clearly it was obvious I wasn’t playing into it either. He then liked all my past instagram stories as well idk why

OP posts:
Notabarbie · 31/05/2026 15:24

He's a licensed massage therapist and you said. "Oh God, don't be one of those guys. You need a connection with women."

I'm surprised he messaged you.

Redruby2020 · 31/05/2026 15:26

StormGazing · 31/05/2026 13:16

Fuck it, be aloof and let him chase you. A few bits and bobs to do 🙄

Yeah exactly what a terrible excuse. He knew he wasn’t going to meet today, and left until today to say it.
This really frustrates me OP, especially when the man is all keen and in to the woman, finds her attractive etc, and then does this.

Good that you left it as it was with your response.

Carry on as you are, and if he pops up see what he says, perhaps allow one more opportunity for an invitation of a date, and if he doesn’t come through and put in the effort, end of.

You will obviously see him at the gym won’t you?

gloriousday34 · 31/05/2026 15:27

Notabarbie · 31/05/2026 15:24

He's a licensed massage therapist and you said. "Oh God, don't be one of those guys. You need a connection with women."

I'm surprised he messaged you.

Tbh it’s a common player tactic to see if I’d let him touch me. Bit forward to offer physical touch when you don’t even know if I need a massage…

OP posts:
Gettoachiro · 31/05/2026 15:30

Bits and bobs could be anything - from someone being seriously ill, to him having a massive spot on the end of his nose. You've only been messaging for a couple of days, it's unlikely he'd say either of the above examples when cancelling hence going with something like bits and bobs...

But let him contact you.