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He flaked on me. Do I leave him to it?

73 replies

gloriousday34 · 31/05/2026 13:08

So. Long story short guy at thr gym was looking at me intensely for a good week. We exchanged lots of glances. Finally on Friday he speaks to me. We were parked next to each other. We got talking about work and what we do. He said look I think you’re attractive and I’d like your number if we can do something on Sunday let’s grab a coffee. We talked about various things like weekend plans and he also said im a liscenced massage therapist too. So I said oh god dont be one of those guys. Intimacy is accessible anywhere now days you need to have a connection with women. Be then said yeah yeah I know what you mean. We then talked about coffee again and he said listen I’ll let you know if anything changes and . I said yes perfect. I would love that. Swapped numbers. He texted me as soon as he got in thr car to leave with his name and a “x” Liked all my instagram stories of me and my outfits etc. we texted a bit but nothing too deep over Friday and Saturday. Anyway. This morning I got “hey im not gonna be able to do today ive just got some bits and bobs to do” so I just said “that’s alright. No worries x” because I’m not going to beg for this.

I just feel a bit confused. What did I do wrong?? What did I say or do. I nearly said when are you next free but then thought no actually he should be the one saying that to me!!

my question is, shall I let him go and forget about it because clearly he’s not putting any ounce of effort in here.

OP posts:
ForPinkDuck · 31/05/2026 13:09

Not a good start is it. Dont contact him.

gloriousday34 · 31/05/2026 13:11

ForPinkDuck · 31/05/2026 13:09

Not a good start is it. Dont contact him.

I nearly asked when he was free but thought actually no. No i won’t

OP posts:
StormGazing · 31/05/2026 13:16

Fuck it, be aloof and let him chase you. A few bits and bobs to do 🙄

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user293948849167 · 31/05/2026 13:17

If he really wanted something to happen he would have been there today, without a very good reason, definitely not “bits and bobs”
Definitely don’t contact him - I may give him one more chance if he’s very apologetic next time you see him, but definitely no third chance!

SlightlyAjar · 31/05/2026 13:21

StormGazing · 31/05/2026 13:16

Fuck it, be aloof and let him chase you. A few bits and bobs to do 🙄

Yes, that’s like when my undergraduates give some token excuse for being late with an assignment, and I want to say’At least invent something better! Aliens stole your essay! A magpie made off with your laptop!’

No need to do anything, OP. Just concentrate on your gym routine.

DollopOfFun · 31/05/2026 13:24

Bits and bobs. Ouch.

Lavenderandbrown · 31/05/2026 13:25

Can you please clarify what the conversational exchange re: his employment was…he said he was a massage therapist and I said oh god don’t be one of those? If I’m reading it correctly it seems you made fun of negatively responded to his occupation? Did that put him off?

gloriousday34 · 31/05/2026 13:28

Lavenderandbrown · 31/05/2026 13:25

Can you please clarify what the conversational exchange re: his employment was…he said he was a massage therapist and I said oh god don’t be one of those? If I’m reading it correctly it seems you made fun of negatively responded to his occupation? Did that put him off?

His occupation is totally different. He just said im a massage therapist. Also if it put him off to a large extent then why text me his number in the car and like my instagram stories

OP posts:
Wishimaywishimight · 31/05/2026 13:29

He binned you off for "bits and bobs", couldn't be arsed even coming up with a decent (fake) excuse.

Why do so many women think it must be something they did? Maybe he's married and fancied a bit flirting / ego boost. Maybe he didn't fancy you enough for a date. Maybe he got nervous. Who cares? He's not that bothered. If you pursue him he may go out for a date or 2 but he will know you were more interested than he was and will treat you accordingly.

Candleabra · 31/05/2026 13:30

I was wondering about the massage therapist comment too. Were you insinuating that he uses his job to gain intimacy with women? It’s not clear from the wording, so I may be way off. But it does sound like you were calling his profession into question which I wouldn’t like and may explain why he lost interest.

SlightlyAjar · 31/05/2026 13:30

gloriousday34 · 31/05/2026 13:28

His occupation is totally different. He just said im a massage therapist. Also if it put him off to a large extent then why text me his number in the car and like my instagram stories

Yes, I don’t understand your response to this either — what did you mean?

Tommalot · 31/05/2026 13:31

Honestly I wouldn't have even bothered replying. Bits and bobs indeed!!!
The right guy will move heaven and earth to be with you.

PurpleDisco · 31/05/2026 13:35

Bits and bobs! So it doesn’t sound like it was anything in particular or anything that couldn’t wait. Do not contact him!

Myfridgeiscool · 31/05/2026 13:35

Match his energy OP.
He had his chance, I’d not analyse what he’s thinking.

HoneyBunny999 · 31/05/2026 13:35

I think the massage comment was him just being sleazy- that's how I read it- when you reacted negativity he knew he wasn't going to get what he wanted. Well rid.

HoneyBunny999 · 31/05/2026 13:40

Sorry for typo- 'negatively.'

LlynTegid · 31/05/2026 13:46

He may have valid things to do, but if he is unreliable for anything other than say a member of the family having illness or some other real emergency, don't bother.

Don't reward people who are unreliable.

Seriously12 · 31/05/2026 13:51

OP, never chase a man.
When a man is interested you are NEVER confused.
Confusion comes when you are only a possible option for them.

Value your worth and leave him off.

YoBetty · 31/05/2026 13:52

HoneyBunny999 · 31/05/2026 13:35

I think the massage comment was him just being sleazy- that's how I read it- when you reacted negativity he knew he wasn't going to get what he wanted. Well rid.

Agree with this.

Lurkingandlearning · 31/05/2026 13:52

I thought exactly the same as @HoneyBunny999
Texting and liking your IG is easy and raises the other person’s interest

TFImBackIn · 31/05/2026 13:54

Never chase a man.
Never chase a man who'd rather do bits and bobs than be with you.
And never chase a man who's a self-described massage therapist. Remember Brian from Hull?

gloriousday34 · 31/05/2026 13:56

YoBetty · 31/05/2026 13:52

Agree with this.

Maybe he just realised it would be too much effort. But it caught me off guard. In convo he seemed very nice and genuinely friendly. Spent 2 weeks or however long making eye contact. Sitting near me. Using the cafe when I did. Then when it came to it. He just flaked, makes no sense to me

OP posts:
HoneyBunny999 · 31/05/2026 13:56

@Lurkingandlearning I know,it reminds me of what sleazeball men used to say to me when I was young- he's not worth a second thought. The douchebag.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/05/2026 13:57

People make eyes at other people all the time. I have half a dozen on the go at once. Cos it’s fun.

SnappyQuoter · 31/05/2026 14:00

What is a licensed massage therapist? That’s a phrase used in American shows and movies.

My mum is masseuse. That’s not a thing. She has to have her insurance and keeps her registration going. There is no such thing as a “licensed massage therapist.” The man’s an idiot. And talking bollocks as a sleazy way to pull you. Don’t bother with him again.