Worried about my 17-year-old swimming in lakes and rivers with friends

[Ketley67]

I’m worrying myself sick. DS is 17, a few of his friends have learnt how to drive, add in this glorious weather and of course they’re wanting to go to areas with water to swim in.

Yesterday they went to a river, today they’re going to a lake. The lake permits swimming but I’m so worried about them all! I’ve explained the dangers to him.

Not enjoying this age where they’re got a taste of freedom but haven’t fully developed their common sense!

DS1 has been doing this with his friends for the last few days. I told him about the teens drowning etc. He said he doesn't go fully in, just paddles on the shore. Both my DC's did a military thing at school and learnt about Star fishing and other water safety things. Not sure if they'd remember in the panic. It's a worry but so is everything when they are that age, as you said- driving/their friends driving/drinking/ horsing around/ getting involved in fights etc etc. You can't knee them into a buggy and strap them in anymore if they refuse to listen to you!

I live near the beach and teens drown every year. They always are on spot with no lifeguards, have no adults with them or nearby and don't know how to spot a problem or call for help.
Drill your teens on drowning signs, cold shock and how to call for help. And encourage them to swim somewhere with other people and ideally lifeguards.

One awful situation stuck with me where the kids all tried to save each other and didn't call 999 as they worried they'd be in trouble. 2 of them died.

Now up to nine drownings in the last few days.

Water safety warning after nine people die during heatwave - BBC News

So you can argue all you like about how dangerous it is, it's quite clear that it's something the OP is right to be concerned about right now.

My dd is an extremely strong swimmer - has done competitions, done lots of water sports, etc. But she would not go swimming in open waters without a life guard OR other very strong swimmers with life saving equipment. It’s not worth the risk.

a group of teens - some of whom may not be strong swimmers - is a lethal combination.

Don’t drink and swim would be my main advice. If they’re going to drink they need to wait until after the swim and not go in again. That’s when they are most likely to take stupid risks and be unable to get out of any trouble.

I don't think anyone's saying a blanket 'don't do it'. That is not what I said at all.

My point was that patronising the OP (as that poster I quoted was doing) and exclaiming you can't understand why she might be a little worried about this 'because driving is more dangerous', is ridiculous.

It's perfectly rational and normal to be a bit concerned as a parent.

When people are hurt in open water swimming it is often teenagers who are drinking alcohol/ doing stupid dares/ don't respect the water or fully understand safety.

It's 100% valid to be concerned about a 17 year old lad going off to do this with his friends.

The answer is obviously not 'don't do it', but education, and ensuring he has his head screwed on. If he was highly susceptible to peer pressure and in a group who like drinking and fooling around then I would be more worried.

Ex lifeguard here. You’re right to be worried, OP, unless there are lifeguards on duty. There is a lake near me that allows swimming but it is an organised thing and only about 4 or 5 hours a week. Local teenagers have been creating havoc swimming outside of these sessions and everyone is worried one of them will drown. Tbey have also been leaving a lot of messages behind and damaging stuff.

The trouble with open water, is you don’t usually know what the specific dangers are in that body of water. I know with this lake near, there are some very cold areas of water and a few other dangers.

I feel the same. Got a 19 year old and a 16 year old who are out doing all sorts. Every time they leave the house I remind them of Float To Live.

Let him enjoy his freedom. The most glorious memories in the world imo

My god no do not wear a blue top in open water. He would never be spotted. He needs yellow or orange.

I get you !

They know best or think they do .

Had this last year with DS and year before (he is at uni now) but they were jumping off bridges into the river :(

I figured he would do it anyway so just said - don't do it after drinking (alcohol ) and don't go head first !!!

I’ve just had a serious talk with my 16 year old son today. I’ve explained the risks of lakes and, although he was mortified about me ‘babying’ him, I think he took it on board and is aware of the hidden dangers.
They are never too old to have the information drummed into them, even if (like my son) they say they’ve heard it all before.
A timely reminder is always useful: teenagers are notoriously bad at risk assessment - they think they’re immortal.

Or the worst…

I’m in the midlands too and always see kids going in the river at hopwas by the tame otter and I think it’s nuts, that’s river moves really fast

My nephew is a fireman and was part of a rescue team that found the body of a young boy in a lake over the weekend. I have 3 teenagers and he has talked to each one of them today about the dangers.
From what he told me hopefully my children will not want to do this as it was awful

Can understand why you're worried about it, with the recent drowning deaths in the UK. Water is one of the things that really scares me - I love swimming in open water, swim in the lake near my house every summer, but I am terrified of my children getting into trouble near water. Other parents where I am let their kids swim unsupervised from quite young, mostly by about age 10 or 11 (one mum even told me her kids swam in the lake by themselves from 6 years old, though they had been in a diving club since they were 3 so I guess were really good swimmers, but even then...)

Education about the risks, and how to swim in open water safely is key. Resisting peer pressure is also key. If he's good on both counts then you probably don't need to worry so much.

Cold water shock can be fatal to string swimmers. The news has been full of dead teenagers this week who have died in lakes.

To be honest, no, I don't think it is.
They have drowned because they didn't know how to swim in open water safely (or at least have chosen not to) and/or have chosen unsuitable sites. I suspect none of them were swimming with a tow float or wearing highly visible clothing. Similarly I would expect that they may have entered the water too quickly, been somewhere where the water was particularly deep and therefore cold, chosen somewhere with hidden dangers/currents and/or jumped/dived in an inappropriate place. They also may not have worked out a safe and easy exit point before entering the water. Teenage bravado often comes into it.

I don't know whether or not they were drinking alcohol but it that also sometimes plays a part.

It is pretty rare for someone following all the safety precautions to drown. In that extremely small number of cases it is often another unknown medical condition that causes the problem ( eg, they have a heart attack).

One of the reasons many teenagers do stupid things is because they aren't exposed to enough reasonably safe challenges. They want to do something with a bit of thrill/challenge. The best way to manage this is to educate them on how to do it safely, not to ban them completely.

That's why I edited it, to say " the bright fluorescent one- there is an incredibly bright orange one when you click on the link. I didn't realise it was going to default to the blue one when I posted the link)

I would worry too, warm weather means the weeds grow so more for them to get tangled in, 5 deaths already.

Yes but it’s a safer place if they want to swim - it’s popular so always people there, you’re never out your depth and it’s also a lot warmer than a river. It’s pretty much tepid at the minute
obviously you teach them how to enter cold water slowly at first until they’re used to the temperature

blanket bans will just make the forbidden places more appealing and they’ll go somewhere quieter and riskier

This is a wild response! Swimming where people died?!?

more than 3 people have died on escalators this year. Am I missing a basic survival instinct to not be scared of escalators?

The depth actually does make a difference because a really deep gravel pit for instance takes much longer to heat up than a shallower lake.

I was swimming yesterday in a shallow lake where the water temperature was about 19-20°C. It would be much more unusual to get cold water shock in those temperatures than a very deep lake/reservoir that might only be 12°C below the surface.

In any case I would enter even 20°C water carefully when I've not been swimming for a while. Once I know how I'm reacting I will sometimes jump straight in ( in a known safe spot) when I know the water is about 17°C or above.

This is why you do not jump in to a lake. The deeper it is, the colder it will be. And you will be underwater, and the shock may make you inhale water. You drown.

The surface inches will be quite pleasant. Water at 18 degrees is not warm, I agree. But a deep lake the temperature at the bottom can be far colder

Don't tell them not to, teach them how to keep safe. Outdoor Swimming Society website is really useful, it doesn't have to be dangerous if you are sensible