Do you have “rules” for yourself or “non-negotiables”? How disciplined are you?

[Redballer]

I only have two rules that I can think of but would like more because my habits are awful, I lack discipline and probably undiagnosed ADHD that means my executive function is off.

1. Wash face, brush teeth, moisturize every night without fail.

1. Get out of bed by 8am on weekends.

The second one has come from the fact that now my kids are older and can sort themselves of a morning, I was finding I could still be in bed, on my phone, at 11:30am.

Maybe I’ve got more but they’re not jumping out right now or they are subconscious.

Anyway, looking for inspiration on what habits or mini rules you have for yourself that are constructive and make you feel good.

I have a few- one is that I turn on the dishwasher before bed. Even if it’s empty, the rule is that I turn it on. It triggers me to check, to put the dirty dishes in the sink in, and often to fully clean the kitchen. I wouldn’t have a hope of succeeding with a “clean the kitchen every evening rule” but I often do.

I have very few non negotiables - emptying the kitchen bins, and cleaning out the cats litter trays are two.

But if something is important to me, I pay close attention to figure out how to make it as easy as possible. I eliminate extra steps and wasted energy.

I also practice a lot of self kindness - I know a walk is good for me so I try and “take myself” for a walk instead of hectoring myself with rules, or I try and be my “future friend” and thank myself later. An example of that is making my bed in the morning, and doing a 20 second tidy up of the bedroom so it looks nice and welcoming at bedtime. I couldn’t make that a rule because my adhd/oppositional brain would rebel, but I do it almost every day and it makes my life better.

I take vitamins and other health supplements daily, in bed by 10pm at the latest. Always leave a clean and tidy kitchen at the end of the day as I can’t stand waking up to a mess. No coffee in the afternoons. Moisturise twice a day. Alcohol very rarely now probably only on birthdays, Christmas etc.

Make my bed every morning - hotel standard!
Remove make up every night
Clean teeth twice a day
Shower at least once a day
Clean underwear every day
Tidy lounge before going to bed
Fill kettle and turn on so can switch on with smart plug in the morning before coming downstairs
No coffee after midday

In no particular order…

make the bed as soon as I get out of it - before getting dressed
work out at least 5-6 times a week
limit alcohol and junk food by not buying it in the first place
leave the house every day, whether I need to or not (and wear my weighted vest whenever possible)
brush my teeth 2-3 times a day, and floss daily
don’t eat after 7 pm

Wasting less time on MN etc is a work in progress…

Novels. Currently deep in a big rewrite of something unexpectedly taking off in a different direction after some notes from my agent. I have to break for the weekend because I’m taking my teenager to London for an event, and I really don’t want to!

ah, the ADHD brain: needs routine, hates routine!

I have executive function issues too (not ADHD) and am constantly promising myself that a new ‘thing’ will definitely, totally be something I do everyday without fail - looking at you exercise, journaling, prayer, step count, 5 a day, contacting friends, cleaning, etc

OP, your basics sound fine as a baseline and as a warning to yourself that if you don’t do them something is off in your life.
During lockdowns when I was totally out of routine and very stressed WFH, homeschooling, etc I could easily get to the end of the day and realise I hadn’t brushed my teeth.
It sounds daft if you don’t have ND issues, but for me it was the canary in the mine that let me know I was heading for burnout.
If I were you, I’d stick to the basics and treat everything else you achieve as a bonus that deserves a reward

No, I don't. I have ADHD and I suspect also PDA, so 'rules' just make me stressed and turn my brain off.

What I do instead is write a list most mornings of things I would like to achieve. So "I would like to - read with my children, - tidy the kitchen, - go for a walk, - do ten minutes of yoga, - have a shower, - unblock the bathroom sink, - sort the laundry" etc. I always add on the end - "do some but not all of my list" to give myself permission to fail. And I always listen to music when doing boring stuff, I find it helps and it cheers the kids up.

What I would write to myself in your scenario would be "I would like to get out of bed early and go for a nice walk, and then have a hot coffee afterwards, because this would feel nice, but it doesn't matter if I don't, I might do this tomorrow", rather than framing it as a demand on myself.

Leave things as you found them, or better.
Do not deliberately harm another living being. If this inadvertently happens, apologise and make it right.

Floss daily.
Don't drink alone.
Neither is hard for me to follow but they’re also non-negotiables.

Oh yes. Never ever drop litter or hurt or deliberately scare any animal. Again, not hard to follow, but absolute red lines. If anyone around me did either I would do all I could to disassociate myself from that person too.

I don’t think I have that many non-negotiables apart from the obvious teeth brushing, washing.

I save money every single month & have non negotiables with the dc eg reading, their extracurriculars, tutoring if needed etc

See, I wouldn’t see those as ‘rules’. Rules to me, certainly as set out by the OP, suggests that you consciously adopt them. Those two things are baked into my DNA. I’m probably more likely to commit a murder than drop litter.

I have a couple of rules.

1. only speak to myself with kindness.
2. no thinking about work on the weekend/ days off.
3. no taking on other peoples problems.

These are more of an aspiration than rules because as you can imagine they’re horrifically hard to keep!

I run at least 40km every week. I'm on week 54 of doing this this week. I always feel so much better after a run but I was still finding myself making excuses not to go so I made it non negotiable.

I'm also prone to being a negative Nancy so at some point every day I list 3 things that I'm grateful for, it sounds twee but it helps me realise that things aren't as bad or as big a deal as they might feel at the time.

Looking at it I think both of mine are to try and make me a bit cheerier, depression is a strong family trait but these little things do help to keep me on track somewhat.

Are most posters on this thread older? Little mention of dc?

It’s about rules for yourself, surely, not your children? I have a 14 year old.

@EasilyPleased well any non negotiables for me would involve my dc whilst they are young. Why would that be unusual?

Absolutely everything in my life is negotiable /flexible.

there’s a lot of things I do as a matter of routine but not a single thing that causes me any stress or discomfort if I don’t do it.

No sticky sweets as every time I eat them my fillings get pulled out. I can't take the shame again with the dentist.

Every day my non negotiables

1. skincare AM + PM
2. sunscreen on face , neck and hands
3. brush teeth x 2 per day and floss once per day
4. turn down bed to air , make it later in the day
5. get out for a walk unless properly unwell ( dog makes that necessary)
6. feed , water and give dog meds

Leaving the dishwasher on while you sleep is not a good idea - fire risk.

I have no rules.
I was fed up with rules when I lived at home and again when I had a partner.

Single and free and im staying that way.
Washing in the morning is just the normal to me thats not a rule.

No day time television unless ill.

No more than 2 biscuits / sweets.

Because lots of the rules people have mentioned simply aren’t applicable to young children — they’re not usually restricting their alcohol intake, concerned about moisturising or taking off their makeup, gym sessions, wiping down the kitchen, or not drinking coffee after lunch.

Never leave the house in night clothes or without brushing teeth.

That's it.