What’s the stingiest thing you’ve ever seen a friend do?

[zappp]

I have an (ex-)friend who is very stingy. She earns plenty and is happy to splurge on herself and show off, but when it comes to others, she is mean with money to the point where I’ve felt really taken advantage of on multiple occasions. It’s almost like it’s a game for her; seeing how little she can pay and how much she can extract from others.

The friendship fizzled out when I started calling her out on it and stopped covering her costs (I previously didn’t want to make things awkward, especially in a group setting, but it got to a point where I was too pissed off to keep being polite).

Against my better judgment, I recently attended a group dinner that she was also part of - a mutual friend was in town and this was the only time we could see her. In the WhatsApp planning group, she’d enthusiastically agreed to the restaurant choice - it was definitely a nicer place, but not extravagant.

When she got there, she claimed she wasn’t hungry and didn’t order any food, only to ask the waiter for an empty plate and help herself - rather generously - from everyone else’s food!!! She also asked for a glass for the wine we’d already ordered, which would’ve been fine, except guess how much she chipped in to the bill…? Exactly, zero.

It was also a bit embarrassing towards the restaurant; it’s hard to get a reservation and the group was small enough that it was strange for one person not to be eating at peak dinner time, especially as we were seated at a big table.

This time I didn’t even bother calling her out - it was so brazen that she basically called herself out.

I know you never truly know someone else’s financial situation, but she’s certainly spending enough on clothes, holidays, and skincare to make me think she could afford a plate of pasta and glass of wine…

Anyway, rant over, I want to hear other stingy stories!

We were staying with my in-laws for a month after returning from living abroad. Our flat had been rented out whilst we were away and on that particular day I had to go and check that the end of tenancy clean had been done and everything was ready for us to move back in. As I was leaving, I asked my MIL if I could take toilet paper, in case I needed to go whilst at the flat (v likely). My MIL opened her her little storage cupboard and took a roll from her newly-opened pack of 16 (so plenty there). As she was about to hand it to me, she changes her mind, tears about 6 sheets from it and says „You shouldn’t need more than that.“. Erm…thanks, I guess!

I dont think buying clothes and other stuff from charity shops. It makes good sense and keeps landfill down. Also evey so often you find a great bargain!!

She likely thought that you were the stingy one though - expecting her to give you a toilet roll for your home instead of buying some yourself. You could have grabbed a pack from a shop in preparedness at any point in the days before you knew you were going.

If you were moving back in, you'd need a good supply after that; so why on earth wouldn't you pop somewhere and get some? It's not like it was something you needed now, in situ; you were planning ahead and expected a freebie instead of buying your own necessary household stuff!

Absolutely. My in-laws are very frugal, and don't spend any money unnecessarily. My DS once got a grilling over how long he spent in their shower, and advice on switching the shower off while you're soaping yourself... But, they are generous people. They give decent cash amounts for birthdays and Christmases, and like to treat people. They never save money by taking advantage of others.

Think it was asking for the 13p that was the stingy bit!

I agree. Somebody upthread also decried somebody as mean for buying supermarket own brand food. Buying readily-available retail goods for yourself at the standard/stated price and opting for less expensive options is worlds apart from stealing from waitresses or conning other people into paying for you.

“No, I’m just having two this morning”

Love this.

I can’t believe the has the audacity to look sadly at your coffee and say she wishes she had one 😂

Id be so tempted to say “you know how I used to always buy you a coffee and now I don’t…you know why that is, don’t you?” and spell it out to her.

I know it’s harder to actually go ahead with it in practice though.

I have a friend who will not pay for coffees. I've tried hanging back subtly, but she'll pretend to be checking her phone. She also uses her app to collect points as I don't have one. Last time the server told her she had enough points for a free coffee and asked if she'd like to use it. She said no she'd save the points for another time.

I dont think its stingy, I meant 😀

Ah, you've met my ex.

I've lots of these tales sadly. I'm quite a quiet person and I think it encourages CFs to think they can ride roughshod over me. They actually seem surprised when I stand up to them.

At uni had a boyfriend, we lived in the same shared house. Every Sunday I'd make us a cooked breakfast (at my own expense, as students we mainly did our own food shopping) and then we'd go to the gym. One evening he was making chicken in sauce and offered to make extra for me. I said yes please and he then asked me to provide my own chicken breast or pay for one of his. I did say I can't believe you've asked me that when I make you a full English every Sunday and never ask you to contribute. He got in a huff and said I was being mean and point scoring. I didn't expect a meal in return for every breakfast but the occasional dinner without being asked to pay £3 wasn't an unreasonable gesture to expect! I don't think I was the mean one.

We had a couple friend who would come and stay with us at the weekend sometimes. We had a house and a baby/toddler and they lived in a flat in London (city finance jobs) so it worked best like that. They'd turn up with ONE bottle of wine and enjoy a nice three course meal made by me, then stay up drinking another 2-3 bottles of our wine - obviously we had a kid so needed to be able to get up early. Then H would make a nice cooked breakfast in the morning. They let slip one time that they always visited us at the end of the month when they'd splurged all their money and were waiting for payday, so needed a"cheap weekend". It wasn't cheap for us!

I think they noticed I looked annoyed and next time they came they said generously "oh we feel bad you are always coming for us, let's get takeaway pizza ". Great I thought, they are finally treating us. They ordered a slap up feast but then when it arrived (this was in the days when you paid cash on delivery) and I called them to the door to pay the guy they looked astonished and said they had hardly any money. They scraped together about £15 and i had to raid my son's money box for the rest (I did put it back after). Their generosity only extended as far as letting me off cooking - they still expected us as the hosts to pay even though they earned far more than us. We are still in touch but I was much less keen to host weekend stays after that. We now eat out and split the bill.

Went out to a nice restaurant with a group of ex-uni friends. It was a few years back, most of us were in media jobs and not earning much so it was a treat, we paid and left a nice tip. I forgot my coat and went back to get it - and caught one of our party pocketing our tip! He was the only one of our group on a high salary as he was a merchant banker!

We used to know a couple who were engaged to be married, and we went to a cafe with them when we all lived nearby. We (just very good friends then, but we did end up getting married ourselves - and still are) split our bill casually (or maybe one of us just picked it up and paid it that time, I can't quite recall). Nobody had anything extravagant and it was only a cheap and cheerful place.

The man went carefully through the bill, having paid it, and told his fiancee exactly how much she needed to pay him for her share, after she'd given him a rounded amount. We actually heard him saying that she still owed him 3p on top of what she'd already paid!!

It's night and day with the different attitudes, isn't it?

It's like a thread asking for money-saving tips - one person suggests buying massive economy packs of rice from small Asian shops for far less; another recommends an own-brand that tastes identical to a big brand that costs three times the price... and then somebody else comes along and says "Just fill your hold-all with whatever you want and run off when the security guard is looking the other way"!

Farmer?

Farming background here, house roof pissing water in and new machinery in the yard, ridiculous.

Reading all these replies with interest, and horror.

Agree with @AWeeCupOfTeaAndAnIndividualFruitTrifle @Dollymyloveand @SwirlyGatesthat there is a difference between being frugal / eco / conscious of waste and being stingy.

To add another perspective, I have a friend who has a strange attitude towards money, although it’s not as simple as being stingy.

She is wealthy. Came from a wealthy family, lots of family help, privately educated, uni, good job.

She rarely buys gifts except when it’s unavoidable - weddings etc. The gifts are usually promotional items or freebies that she gets through her corporate job. Although for our mutual friends wedding she got something that was so obviously either regifted, or something that she had bought for herself and then for some reason given as a wedding present. It was something that she has a deep interest in, but the recipient absolutely did not. So it was very hurtful because it smacked of “oh shit I forgot to get a wedding gift, I’ll just give them this” when it would have been so easy to avoid.

She also point blank refuses to give money as a wedding gift. I do agree those wedding poems asking for money can be a bit grabby / cringey, but in situations where it’s a couple who genuinely could do with the cash more than anything else I’m happy to do that. She will point blank say “I don’t give anybody money”.

That is the stingy bit.

The other part to it is that she is very cagey about money and makes it into a much bigger deal than it needs to be, drawing attention to it in a weird way. I think she is deliberately elusive because she actually wants to draw attention to the fact that she’s well off.

If she has bought something or been somewhere for example and a friend asks how much it was or if it was expensive she will hum and haw and change the subject. (Yes, I know it can be considered rude to ask how much things are, but they are not nosey, personal questions, it could be found out by a quick google, but she turns it into a weird thing by not answering). likewise she will sometimes bluntly say “I don’t talk about money”.

for example, a few years she went to Venice. Friend has always wanted to go and asked if it’s expensive. Lots of awkward avoidance and changing the subject, then the blunt “I don’t talk about money”.

At which point I said “I was there last year. You can get cheap flights and the hotels in the centre can be expensive but the ones further out are cheaper”. No drama. No need to make people feel like crap for asking.

On the odd occasion we visit them if they have offered to host us for dinner, they wil make a big performance of one of them getting in the car and driving to the shop to get th food for dinner. I think it’s done as a bit of a dig, to show that we are not important enough for them to have prepped in advance. She then makes a big show of putting out alcohol that she’s been gifted from clients etc and saying how great it is, whilst “subtly” putting other wine etc away in a cupboard, presumably because it’s too good for us. I love all wine and happily drink the cheap stuff so it’s no skin off my nose.

I did a sponsored run for charity earlier this year and asked her to sponsor me. She said yes but when I chased for the donation she said she would just pay the money direct to the charity. I think she does this to suggest that she doesn’t want me to see how much she’s donating (but I think she wants me to think that’s because it’s a large amount, not small) and also to make me think that’s she’s suspicious of other “poor” people (ie me) stealing her money. (I am not poor, and I’m certainly not a thief, but I am definitely not as wealthy as her and this is just one of her ways of reminding me of that.)

A friend of mine doesn’t like the coke mixer you get from the machines in bars so always gets a can and splits it between two drinks. Fine, everyone has preferences, the annoying thing is when you go somewhere she hangs back at the bar/goes to the toilet etc until you get the first round in so that the other party buys her can and then when it’s her round she only has to buy herself a single vodka etc and uses the rest of the can 😂 hilarious but irritating when it’s gone on for years

I once had a friend who would always say ‘your treat?’ When we had coffee. Back then, I didn’t have much of a backbone. She had good job at the post office and earned a lot more than me at the time, more than double. I always paid, probably cost me a fortune, being friends with her. I paid for cinema, swimming, all sorts.
I didn’t see here for a few years as I moved away and was visiting my home city and bumped into her. She was all gushy and said ‘let me take you for lunch, we can catch up’. So I agreed and we went to a burger place that used to be a regular hang out in our youth - it’s still there and still popular. Anyway, the bill comes and she says “your treat?” With that irritating upspeak thing. I reminded her that she invited me for lunch. I left her with the bill. Never heard from her again.

Not wildly stingy story but I am still irritated with myself for being so spineless with her and her regular cheek and assumption.

@Shinyandnew1

Posh tightwad was off the account so fast!

anyone else would have been sacked for gross misconduct but he had excellent family connections in their niche industry so it had to be handled carefully. He was made a freelance consultant and over time he was consulted less and less.

Lol..insane opinion and completely misread the post to boot. Good work 👏

The best way to deal with the "Oh, I forgot my phone so I can't pay" stingies is to surreptitiously use your own phone to call their number. Their face when it rings loudly from their handbag is a joy to see.😁

Haha
God no-he worked in a chocolate factory all my childhood (he should have been a gardener but factory work paid the bills)

Another one was he didnt want to buy us Easter eggs-he worked in a bloody chocolate factory and could get 'seconds' for a third of the price (as long as you liked the chocolate/sweets of that factory-we didnt get any other brands as that would have been full price-my mother would buy the treats and charge us more than what she'd paid to eat them)
Every year,wed hear 'Easter eggs are a waste of money-you get more chocolate in a chocolate bar'
Being young and wanting to please him we'd agree
We got neither-an egg was out of the question and so was a small bar of chocolate
I got my first Easter egg aged 35-my dd heard the story,saved up her pocket money and bought me one (I think it was from thorntons)
He saw it,sniffed and started with the 'easter eggs are a waste of money...'
He got told firmly that it was a lovely present,given with love and he hadn't paid for it!
He sulked for months over that

Had a weekend in York to celebrate a group birthday year (3 couples), went for a meal at the end 2 couples threw in cash with a good tip for service, third couple said they would pay the whole bill by card, OK fine, trouble was they took the cash from the table paid the basic bill by card (no tip) and therefore kept the tip money. So gobsmacked we were speechless. Not been for meal with them since

He probably still applied for the rebate!

My ex used to use kitchen roll a strip at a time, i.e. not tear off a whole sheet but just a strip of it. You'd think the stuff was woven from spun gold. 🙄It was his upbringing - although tbf he and his family were generous with gifts for others, his dad had been known to give people gifts wrapped in newspaper, and his parents used to use those little devices that you save the ends of soap bars in and then press it all together to make a new bar. (They were comfortably off so I never saw the need for this, my opinion would obviously be different if they'd been struggling.) His dad would also make a massive deal out of 'economising' over parking charges/using the cheapest supermarket, but often tended to miss the point that he'd spent the saving in petrol driving around in order to 'save' a few pence.

Oh, and his mum (my ex's, I mean) wasn't allowed to buy tights unless she'd scrimped on the rest of the shopping enough to be able to buy a pair out of the sum she was 'allowed' to spend. (This was then held up to me as a shining example of good housekeeping!) Again, they were comfortably off and there was no need for this level of scrimping whatsoever. I think they were stuck in habits that had been necessary when they were first married and genuinely didn't have a brass farthing. I do see the value of 'take care of the pennies' and I also accept many have no choice - I've been in that position myself - but I also feel that if you're not too badly off it isn't a sin to loosen the purse strings a little and allow yourself a few small comforts.