Help me

[UniqueKhakiCat]

My daughter is 3 YO and 3 months she doesn’t meet any diagnostic criteria but she is not neurotypical. She is highly verbal not hyperlexic , full back and forth conversation since 2,5 , always been aware of social cues , rule follower never had a meltdown and tantrums are extremely rare ( once a month ) she always takes “ no” in her stride and she is flexible in her playing and socialising with other kids , also with changes in routine . She is very good at focusing on all sort of tasks the ones she enjoys and the non stimulating ones , she is very low energy and high need sleep baby , good eater and very empathetic since she was 2 always makes sure other people around her are happy , can follow structure and instructions and always well behaved outside , plays well with other kids especially 1:1 interactions following the other kid’s lead like sharing a puzzle together , playing hide and seek etc But she also 1. gets overwhelmed in busy environments but not in playgroups or playgrounds ( it is situational ) . She shakes and says “ mommy please can we go home “ but totally fine in some busy restaurants , she sits and eats and colors . 2. She is very in tune with others feelings 3. Asks philosophical and deep questions 4. Lots of worries for her small mind 5 she has huge separation anxiety and always needs us close She is that sort of kid who would say “ mommy can we go and watch the world go by “ rather than being in a chaotic environment. she talks a lot and still I can’t potty train her ( she pees and poo in the potty but still lots of accidents as she doesn’t tell me when to go)
I wouldn’t say she is shy , she loves going up to people at the park singing her songs to them or showing them her toys . She asks “ mommy can I say hi to the lady “ kind of questions Now , I know lots of you will point at neurodivergence but those traits don’t meet any diagnostic criteria ( already been through a private and nhs assessment done by a neuropsychiatrist and there is nothing I can do at this stage ) . Did you have a similar kid and how did he / she turned out ?

I have a niece who was very similar and my sister was at her wits end for a while.
Then age 6 she just announces she was a big girl now so needed to use the toilet and had no more accidents.

Niece is still a bit inconsistent in that she can be really quiet and shy in some circumstances and loud and friendly in others but then again, so am I (and my sister). I’m not convinced every child who isn’t on the (laughably linear) ‘typical’ developmental path has something they should be diagnosed with.

Also, reading your OP, aside from the potty training, I don’t really understand the issue. Your dd personality changes based on her environment, she’s clever, curious and happy. Sounds positive on the whole tbh.

Is it the toilet training that’s the issue? Everything else sounds not unusual. who are you comparing her to when you imply she’s atypical?

She’s young to have been through diagnosis

Have you posted about your concerns before?

So what do you think is wrong with her? She sounds fine to me. Lots of toddlers take a bit of time to potty train. My dgs is 3yo and still can't understand what to do. Your dd can talk, is chatty, thoughtful, considerate etc. Stop worrying.

She doesn't seem ND. You seem to want her to be.
Potty training question | Mumsnet

Why do you think she's not neurotypical? You haven't described anything that most of us haven't encountered in NT children we've raised or worked with. I'm confused as to what you're asking for help with??

You seem to be anxious over...what exactly? Do you think NT children are supposed to fit a certain mould? Do you believe that if your child isn't exactly like other children around her then it must mean she has to be ND? Haven't you taken into account she's an individual?

What do you mean by "how did they turn out"? I know/have known NT and ND kids, some have reached late teens and early adulthood and some are still young kids. Some have been similar to your child. All are turning out to be exactly who they are meant to be, all of them are lovely people to be around. They are getting on well at school and college, have friends etc.

@puppycuddles , Why do you think she's not neurotypical?

I also got “ your kid is either neurodivergent or you are a lazy parent .. they should all be potty trained by 2.5 YO max “

therefore the child must be ND.

Thank you @BleedinglyObvious , I was a bit confused there for a moment wondering how I missed that information from the op and then realised it was from the link you posted. I've read through that thread now.

OP, first of all stop hanging around with people that are spouting nonsense!
They are only going to get you worried over nothing. Next, relax and enjoy your child, let her develop at her own pace, stop comparing her to others.

This seems very similar to a thread I was reading in AIBU last week called "Very sensitive toddler".

There’s nothing in what you’ve described that would make me think she’s anything other than a typical 3 year old. What exactly is it that makes you think she’s ND?

Your child sounds quite normal @UniqueKhakiCat . Potty training is usually not quick or easy. Keep persevering.

You get all sorts of advice but you can choose which ones to listen to.

Is it because she seems older than her years? I have a child who was always like this and speaking in clear full sentences before 2 years and very inquisitive and just what I would describe as advanced. My child is neurotypical. It's just personality I think.

Exactly this

She also wants to play with us all the time and rarely does independent playing

You could be describing my child!! He's now in year 1, very clever and top group for phonics, maths etc despite being the youngest. Also wants us to play all the time with him but he's definitely getting better at that. He's just older than his years in my opinion!

Yes, same poster, different username. Needs help! Convinced there's something wrong with her perfectly normal child 😔

Crikey, she sounds COMPLETELY NORMAL.

Thanks ☺️ did he find school a bit harder to adapt

Why are you so keen to have your child diagnosed with something?

She sounds like a very normal (stroppy) 3 year old. It passes. 👍

It is very hard for us if not impossible having people over , even family that she gets incredibly silly and hyper / overwhelmed and that’s not a behaviour I would call normal

She’s 3. That’s completely normal!

How do you expect your 3 year old to behave when visitors are around?
What you've described is normal.

She sounds very normal. She's three.

I didn’t know it was within the realm of normal .. if I had to explain it she wants everybody to play with her and starts talking a lot over people which she normally doesn’t do

I had to stop having play dates and birthday parties when my son was that age as he’d jump off the furniture and try to get naked. He also did it when his primary school teacher visited before he started reception. He is 18 now and - you’ll be shocked to know - grew out of it.