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Original poster

Would you remind this couple to pay and how not to make awkward?

103 replies

Hackneymumm · 14/05/2026 12:42

A couple we know (our DC are friends). OurDC took part in a competition recently and afterwards we went to a restaurant for lunch / drinks. 4 adults and 4DC. My DH paid on the day and said let’s sort it out afterwards as there was a massive queue at the bar where you had to pay. The bill was £230. My DH forgot to text them bank details and they didn’t remember either. Nearly 2 weeks have gone by. Do you think it’s rude to send a text saying we just remembered and asking for their half? To add - they have expressed they are hard up at the moment!

If not rude / awkward then how would you phrase it?

OP posts:
LadyVioletBridgerton · 14/05/2026 14:30

They’re the rude ones. Send that text. I wouldn’t even apologise, you’re the one owed an apology.

Dear CF. As agreed at lunch a couple of weeks ago, I’m sending over my bank account details. Your share is XX. Look forward to receiving it and catching up again.

Give them 72 hours and message again if no response.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/05/2026 14:33

LadyVioletBridgerton · 14/05/2026 14:30

They’re the rude ones. Send that text. I wouldn’t even apologise, you’re the one owed an apology.

Dear CF. As agreed at lunch a couple of weeks ago, I’m sending over my bank account details. Your share is XX. Look forward to receiving it and catching up again.

Give them 72 hours and message again if no response.

Edited

I disagree with that. They couldn't pay it without knowing the amount and the bank account to send it to.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/05/2026 14:34

"-They could have eaten less/just had drinks if things were so tight for them."

That doesn't work if they're splitting the bill, does it?

TheBlueKoala · 14/05/2026 14:36

@Hackneymumm I wouldn't ask them to pay two weeks later. They probably think you were being generous as your dh said "we'll sort it out later" which can mean that it's not a big deal for you to pay. And it wasn't a big deal or you would have thought of sending bank details earlier. I would just move forward unless YOU are in a hard place and really need the money?

Pedallleur · 14/05/2026 14:46

PlummyAndFruity · 14/05/2026 13:10

I think this is perfect, but c.£30 a head for lunch when they're hard up seems excessive! Who chose the restaurant?

Show quote history

Who says they are hard up, the debtors? Didn't hold back when it was time to eat.
Just ask them for the money but expect to get ignored or a sob story.

Flowerlovinglady · 14/05/2026 14:59

No it isn't rude and really they should have been chasing you to pay it so don't feel bad BUT if you text, give the bank details there (same text) and then and be prepared to chase them if they don't pay.

CotswoldsCamilla · 14/05/2026 15:04

You know good mumsnet etiquette dictates that you should not just "be thankful and close the thread" but instead to confirm you sent the message, ideally verbatim and what their response was. In theory, you should keep the thread going until the money is in your account.

(lol. It's a slow day for me)

7238SM · 14/05/2026 15:22

BridgetJonesV2 · 14/05/2026 13:17

I think you may have to chalk this one up to experience tbh, not sending bank details makes it look like you don't expect to be paid.

I think we've just found that the other family are on MN too!

Jk987 · 14/05/2026 15:32

How could they have paid you if your husband hasn’t sent them his bank details? He should just send a text, don’t overthink it.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 14/05/2026 15:38

Hi, please find my bank details below so that you can transfer £xx for tge meal we had at yy.
Cheers

Monty36 · 14/05/2026 15:51

They will know full well they have not paid. And should have asked for your DH’s bank details.
I would only sent sort code, account number and name. Nothing else.
But certainly be assertive and ask for their part of the bill.

MyLittleNest · 14/05/2026 15:51

I'd probably let it go and never let it happen again. Next time, each pays their share up front--or better yet, next time they can offer to pay.

RollOnSunshine · 14/05/2026 16:07

They did not forget.

Do not send a wishy washy 'hope you are well' 'look forward to meeting up soon' type message as they will see it as weakness. Keep it business.

Hi. Bank details for your half of the meal are:
Your half cost £
Cheers.

MargaretThursday · 14/05/2026 16:28

7238SM · 14/05/2026 12:49

Of course you should send a text with your bank details. Their financial issues have nothing to do with it!

-They could have eaten less/just had drinks if things were so tight for them.
-You didn't offer to pay for their meals, so I find it rude of them not to have contacted you sooner for bank details.

They may have eaten less. We are assuming the bill was agreed to be, and in real fact was about 50/50 but it may be that it should be weighted but they felt bounced into agreeing 50/50.
Who said to go halves?

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 14/05/2026 16:52

TheBlueKoala · 14/05/2026 14:36

@Hackneymumm I wouldn't ask them to pay two weeks later. They probably think you were being generous as your dh said "we'll sort it out later" which can mean that it's not a big deal for you to pay. And it wasn't a big deal or you would have thought of sending bank details earlier. I would just move forward unless YOU are in a hard place and really need the money?

Totally disagree....!

The ones who borrowed should have chased if the donors had genuinely forgotten...

Surely if you're intending treating someone you tell them at the time?? You don't just hope someone has forgotten!!

angelos02 · 14/05/2026 16:54

Their financial situation is not your concern. If they couldn't afford to eat there, they should have made excuses and just gone home.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 14/05/2026 17:08

Absolutely say it, I would hate to owe money and learn subsequently that others were thinking about it and wondering if they should say it to me like I was trying to pull a fast one. It's also something I'd easily forget, after a glass or two of wine by brain is a sieve.

ReturnToGym · 14/05/2026 17:19

Overtheatlantic · 14/05/2026 12:45

Hi Mark/Sue, sorry we forgot about this on the day but your share of the lunch is £ and here are our bank details. It was lovely to see you. Best wishes, Sue/Jack

Perfect!

Viviennemary · 14/05/2026 17:29

It's too much money just to let it go. Text and make out it's your fault for not giving them the bank details.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 14/05/2026 17:30

Send bank details with a message. After 2 weeks they have probably thought you’ve treated them.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 14/05/2026 17:32

Hackneymumm · 14/05/2026 14:28

Thanks for all the comments. We have seen them a few times since at DC hobby club and it’s not been mentioned. I am sure they forgot as they are quite disorganised generally, and of course we are the ones who forgot!

they chose the restaurant as its a place they go to - and their son was also competing - to answer those questions.

we will just text them and apologise for forgetting.

Thanks and happy to close this now!

They haven’t forgotten trust me, they’re just hoping it’s a freebie.

Allseeingallknowing · 14/05/2026 17:34

Jk987 · 14/05/2026 15:32

How could they have paid you if your husband hasn’t sent them his bank details? He should just send a text, don’t overthink it.

They’re the ones owing money !

Tink3rbell30 · 14/05/2026 17:35

Have they replied?

IgnoreIt · 14/05/2026 17:42

It's this kind of mimsiness and horror of directness that makes me wonder how there was a British empire.

Voneska · 14/05/2026 18:52

Just send s short message : saying Here are my Bank Details. FULL STOP . No other explanation.
.
.Then ..
.wait...... No other communication about it ever. Finish, CAPUT.

. At least you tried. If they ignore you, accept your fate. And put it down toÊ»......or maybe you next go out and it's their turn to pay.