Would you remind this couple to pay and how not to make awkward?

[Hackneymumm]

A couple we know (our DC are friends). OurDC took part in a competition recently and afterwards we went to a restaurant for lunch / drinks. 4 adults and 4DC. My DH paid on the day and said let’s sort it out afterwards as there was a massive queue at the bar where you had to pay. The bill was £230. My DH forgot to text them bank details and they didn’t remember either. Nearly 2 weeks have gone by. Do you think it’s rude to send a text saying we just remembered and asking for their half? To add - they have expressed they are hard up at the moment!

If not rude / awkward then how would you phrase it?

How not to make it awkward?!
They are banking on you wanting to avoid awkwardness. They know exactly what they're doing, don't mess about, just ask them for the money.

If I was that couple I wouldn’t be waiting for the bank details I would have asked for them.

In future OP there’s no reason the other party couldn’t have gone up to pay with your dh.
Always sort it out on the day

Meanwhile
just send your bank details and the amount that needs paying today
Ask them to post back when they have
They are being rude expecting you to remind them.

I doubt they’ve ‘forgotten’ but I expect they’re hoping you have !

That’s not a tenner. It’s a lot of money (to me anyway). They’re CFs for not reminding you. You need to be straight.

Just send them your bank details and the amount. No use second guessing people!

My only caveat would be if your family had ordered substantially more than them, in which case I wouldn’t go halves.

If they are hard up at the moment, they had the option to not go out and spend £115 on lunch out.

Send one of the messages suggested

They will suggest eating out again if they think you are paying!!Just send a quick hi here's the bank details for x amount for x date..

This.

@Hackneymumm no, not rude at all to apologise for lateness e.g. “so sorry DH didn’t send details for lunch on XX. Here they are [insert bank details] your half is £yy. Hope to see you soon”

or any of the other examples given earlier 😀

They haven't forgotten, OP, but they're certainly hoping that you have.
Send the bank details and a cheery message, but if they don't pay/come up with excuses/guilt trip you with tales of woe prepare to lose the friendship.
Their financial issues are not your problem.

Yes I would remind them to pay. Otherwise they're going to assume you're treating them.

I was always taught that if you can't afford it, you can't have it. When I had my son years ago, I spent 15 years not buying myself anything nice or going out much at all. Because even though I worked, everything went onto him, and I got no child maintenance. I would sit out nights out etc.

Yes you ask for it straight away- them being hard up is not relevant, if they were going to have trouble paying they shouldn't have gone out to a restaurant.

I agree with others. It's not rude remotely to send them a cheery text message saying Hi, hope you're well. We really enjoyed meeting up for lunch the other week. Sorry we forgot to send this through before but our bank details are X. Your half of the bill comes to Y. Let me know when you've sent the payment so we can check it arrived safely. Hope to catch up again soon.

The only rude thing if anything is them not texting you later the same day to thank you for paying and asking for your bank details to send through what they owe.

Not rude at all.

”Just realised I never let you know bank details for that meal, they are Xxx. Thanks”

Cheeky fuckers eh

Yes, you need to text them

I’d definitely prefer to be reminded about money I owe. It doesn’t sound like they have forgotten and it’s not a small amount. I agree a short direct friendly text should do it

Of course it isn't rude. Just send the bank details.

The least awkward thing is to say here's what you owe with the bank details. Don't second guess their thoughts about it.

If it was a tenner or so and I knew they were tight for money at the moment, I’d probably let it go but that’s a lot of money! Definitely message them your bank details and ask them to pay it!

I reminded a couple to pay last year and they were very offended. Haven't heard from them since.

Why should you need reminding??

It's the other couple who are making it awkward by not contacting you to pay. I'd have been straight on it asking for the details, hate to feel I owe someone money.

No need to worry about it making things awkward. They owe you money, you're in the right to ask for it, and they are in the wrong not to have paid it up to now.

Thanks for all the comments. We have seen them a few times since at DC hobby club and it’s not been mentioned. I am sure they forgot as they are quite disorganised generally, and of course we are the ones who forgot!

they chose the restaurant as its a place they go to - and their son was also competing - to answer those questions.

we will just text them and apologise for forgetting.

Thanks and happy to close this now!