Staff reaction to unwell elderly woman at supermarket till

[Ketley67]

I was in a supermarket , at the till. There was an elderly couple in front of me. The man was dressed smartly, the lady looked awful, she had greasy hair which stuck to her head, ulcers on her legs, she was hunched over the trolley using it to hold herself up and she smelt absolutely awful, very strongly of urine and body odour.

As soon as they’d been served and walked away a member of staff appeared and sprayed room spray all around where they’d been standing, he pulled a disgusted face as did the lady on the till who then turned to me and laughed. I didn’t react.

I just felt awful for that lady. I’m recently disabled myself and I can easily see how without the correct support you can end up like this. You are so vulnerable. The staff members were relatively young, probably not had enough life experience to see anything other than a smelly woman.

Just wanted to share really, it made me so sad.

I think working with someone who smells is different to dealing with customers/clients who smell.
I used to work with a man who was lovely, but he absolutely stank. Our boss did have a discreet word with him. You can not even entertain the thought of doing that with a customer. That would get you sacked and rightly so.

The shop staff are really awful.

That spraying is a performance of active bullying ..does nothing to reduce the smell and in fact just pollutes the air for everyone else.

Years ago I worked with someone at an old “ community health council” who did this when a local homeless man came in for a warm. I told her it was unacceptable and meant to demean him. Nasty behaviour.

This lady might simply be too frail to bathe without extra support. Pads do smell in my experience. I really feel for her.

Please tell the shop manager or head office

They could’ve easily felt sorry for her and been worried about her care and also thought she was quite smelly or gross, the two aren’t mutually exclusive.

Whilst it’s sad she’s in this way, the onus lies with her friends and family (and the government/social care), not random strangers, to care for her adequately. Her being in such a state that she stinks is unfair to all those around her.

what if the people working were sensitive to smell? You don’t know their circumstances either.

they waited until she left before spraying anything or saying anything, I’d say that’s enough 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes, I also always feel incredibly sad when I see people like that. I have lots of elderly relatives and neighbours but they are all people who have support networks, good health and enough money. Unfortunately there are people who have none of those things and I think they can often end up really struggling with looking after themselves.

Oh I agree. I meant someone coming in as a client though. I understand in some jobs (care, NHS) that people will deal with bad smells and bodily functions but that is not something shop staff sign up for.

I think people often expect shop workers to be perfect all the time and I am just pondering if the people who think the shop staff need complaining about would honestly make no comment themselves. If so I truly commend them on being able to sit there in a cloud of stench that lingers.

I’d be far more worried about the air freshener

“Yet in 1999 a British survey of 14,000 pregnant women concluded that frequent use of household aerosol sprays and air fresheners was making women and babies ill.
The study, reported in New Scientist, found that women who used aerosols and air fresheners most days suffered 25 per cent more headaches and 19 per cent more postnatal depression than those who used them less than once a week; their babies had 30 per cent more ear infections and more frequent diarrhoea. The same scientists updated their findings this year in the Archives of Environmental Medicine, with much the same results.
Earlier this year the Bureau European des Unions de Consommateurs (BEUC) published a comparative study into home fragrances and measured the concentration of volatile organic compounds (VOCs) and aldehydes in the air after their use. VOCs and aldehydes are potent neurotoxins that attack the central and peripheral nervous systems. The study found that air fresheners released toxins such as acetaldehyde, styrene, toluene, glycol ethers, phthalates and artificial musk into the air. Traces of formaldehyde and benzene were also found.
In many cases levels of potent toxins such as acetaldehyde, styrene, toluene, chlorobenzene, glycol ethers, phthalates and artificial musk into the air were much higher than the ‘safe’ VOC dose of 200 µg/m3 (micrograms per cubic metre). In some cases they were as high ash 4000– 5000 µg/m3. Traces of formaldehyde and benzene were also found.” The Ecologist

Spraying chemicals which will affect people far more than a transient and departed smell is the problem, bullying and poisonous in every way

I think using air freshener is fine (after the customer has left). But the sneering and laughing is not on, especially in view of other customers.

I would have said something at the time to the staff concerned, or gone to the customer service desk before leaving. Reporting now is really worth doing. Comments like that come from having no imagination, humility or compassion. Ot's also rather stupid to insulti one customer to another.

This would never happen where I live, in the setting that it did, without "someone" either saying something, or the staff being reported, but tbh, I can't imagine this happening in front of other customers especially.

Employers are ( legally) much more aware these days of social justice in the workplace, and the treating of any customer with so little compassion, would not be tolerated either/especially.

They could’ve easily felt sorry for her and been worried about her care and also thought she was quite smelly or gross, the two aren’t mutually exclusive.

They didn’t need to involve customers in mocking her, though. You can consider something gross and moan about it out of sight or earshot of the customers.

In fairness I thought from reading that he’d just pulled a face to his colleague and a customer saw, but on re reading I see that they did also laugh to the customer which is not great. I think finding it gross is quite a natural reaction by the sounds of things so pulling a face to a friend isn’t a wild reaction.

however I’d just let it go and move on, they probably have forgotten all about it by now!

I've worked in retail, long time ago now. Smelly customers were an occupational hazard and the spray can would come out. But it was done discreetly after they'd left and no one was sniggering. People have such a lack of compassion these days.

It doesn't have to be majorly confrontational. I'd have said something like 'Be kind eh. Everyone's got their different battles' just something that acknowledges that the behaviour was noticed and not accepted.

@hattie43 that's what I thought it could be abuSe.

On the smell side I'm extremely sensitive to smells and as much compassion as I do have for anyone vulnerable I don't see how trying to ease a smell when your stuck on a till with no fresh air is that bad ? They didn't do it in front of her ?

I meant professional in the sense of being professional shop workers as a job rather than behaviour.

Is was was meant in terms of people being professional shop workers as a job. It wasn't meant to be catty.

I wasn't hand wringing either.

Whilst laughing or looking disgusted isn’t right, remember they are dealing with this regularly. I fairly often have to myself and yes I’ve got air freshener out, I’ve also coaxed people out because otherwise I’ve loose 18 others. Difficult but one person’s needs doesn’t trump everyone else’s

I would have quietly said “that. Could be your Mum, Sister or wife someday”

The husband’s neglect worries me far more. The staff clearly do need better training, but they’re on minimum wage, so I’m not entirely sure what people expect. If they haven’t cared for elderly relatives themselves, they may genuinely not understand the limitations of the elderly and infirm. We all struggle to understand things we haven’t experienced, and people with a low IQ and little education struggle even more.

thank you for your message

I am diabetic. I was diet & exercise controlled prior to the stroke. Very good HbA1c. But I'm on Metformin now, along with other medications (statins, bp, blood thinners) I don't tolerate them well, tried various options but none have settled any better. I'm on a waiting list to see an endocrinologist but it's 10 month wait at the moment 🙇🏻‍♀️

fortunately it doesn't seem to upset my stomach. The combination (or one of them???) just makes me feel 'unwell' (unable to stand for long, bit nauseous, etc).

l have a lot of other physical issues, but I won't bore everyone with them on an unrelated thread xx

'All the available help' 😂😂😂😂😂

I use a spray at work following smelly clients. It’s not fair on me or the next one to put up with the smell, but I wouldn’t make a show and dance out of it.

This would ring alarm bells for abuse/neglect. The store need to train their staff better. I would write to the store manager and raise it.

For those judging the husband - I have an elderly aunt who developed dementia and was cared for by her husband. Over time, we noticed her hygiene deteriorating but they both vociferously refused all outside help. The crunch came when her husband was admitted to hospital following a 'fall'. He had a broken arm, fractured ribs and was covered in bruises, old and new. He had been doing his best to care for her but could not bear for anyone to know that his lovely wife had become violent. It's not uncommon, especially around toileting and personal hygiene.

From there, they took separate rooms in a care home and had a few more much happier years together before he died. She is somehow still going and still mobile - we think she might be immortal.

It's very difficult to make someone let them help you shower & put on fresh clothes if they don't think they need it want to. Yes you can say you won't take them shopping until they've showered etc but if they still refuse, they're smelly & upset & have no food.

I helped an elderly relative & when she wouldn't accept help to shower I'd do an online shop with her.

but it's really not as easy as you think.

also if he lives with her he might have become a bit nose blind & not realise how bad it is to others.