Staff reaction to unwell elderly woman at supermarket till

[Ketley67]

I was in a supermarket , at the till. There was an elderly couple in front of me. The man was dressed smartly, the lady looked awful, she had greasy hair which stuck to her head, ulcers on her legs, she was hunched over the trolley using it to hold herself up and she smelt absolutely awful, very strongly of urine and body odour.

As soon as they’d been served and walked away a member of staff appeared and sprayed room spray all around where they’d been standing, he pulled a disgusted face as did the lady on the till who then turned to me and laughed. I didn’t react.

I just felt awful for that lady. I’m recently disabled myself and I can easily see how without the correct support you can end up like this. You are so vulnerable. The staff members were relatively young, probably not had enough life experience to see anything other than a smelly woman.

Just wanted to share really, it made me so sad.

@Pearlstillsinging same, once I'd got over my asthma attack I'd have lost my shit with them.
@Ketley67 feel like you, poor woman. I've got bladder problems and praying they don't get worse, so wouldn't judge her at all.

Having worked in elderly care for many years, a lot of older people lose their sense of smell and ability to care properly for themselves but won't accept help. You can't force people to bathe, and if this lady has seen a nurse recently with her ulcers, they will have tried to engage help for her.

I would absolutely report this to management there, it's appalling to be laughing at someone's misfortune.

Poor lady. I hope she was gone before they started spraying. How humiliating

I remember being about 7/8 and id gone over to the post office/corner shop for something for my grandad (cant remember what)

A bloke in front of me,who was impeccably polite but was very dirty and stank was getting served

They waited until he'd left and started spraying impulse everywhere and laughing about him

It wasnt my first taste of bullying but I remember being shocked that the normally lovely lady who worked there could be so cruel

He'd done nothing wrong and its stayed with me,if it had happened now,id have said something-its disgusting behaviour and nobody deserves that

Yeah i would have found it hard to not say something like that's a bit mean

By not reacting or anything you are nearly as complicit.

Wrong!

It’s difficult sometimes to have the confidence to speak up, but you can say something like “A bit of compassion is always welcome, none of us know what difficulties life will throw at us”.

Air freshener was not the problem. Making faces and encouraging customers to laugh at that woman is the problem.

Or ' it's not funny that the woman is sick, vulnerable and neglected by her partner. That could be one of us one day'

I do feel very sorry for the couple but again....
There are ways to keep clean and this lady can obviously get to a shop so should be able to get to a sink or someone should be able to bring her a basin to wash in. There are incontinence products, home adaptions, carers etc
I do think in this day and age smelling that badly is a choice and choices come with consequences.
I think if someone chooses to refuse help then this is one of the consequences.
I dont think the laughing or snide looks are nice but frankly I doubt anything will happen if you do complain. Those smells linger and its fairly horrific having to work in them, their manager will likely tell them to be more tactile but that's about it.

I'm seeing this more and more amongst young people in the workplace. Just bitchiness, it's awful. They're obviously not ALL like that but it seems to have increased in the past few years. They seem to have minimum compassion. I will always make a point of saying something, though, in a situation where people are mocking someone. Just an "aah, she's probably got dementia and refuse to get washed or be helped, poor thing. Could be you one day." You never know, it might make one of the bitches stop and think.

I think the real issue here is that this lady is not getting the support she needs to care for herself.
If she cannot keep her hygiene, to the point of smelling and having ulcers, then someone should care for her. But is seems that this is not happening.
You say that the man with her was well dressed, but was he mobile? Did he look in acceptable physical form?
Poor lady. Why does she not have someone to help her? To help her to keep clean, prevent wounds?

Agree. This was just nasty and disrespectful behaviour.

I am a bit on the fence about this. I have seen this happen before with an old man only the smell of stale urine was unbelievably awful. The shop staff were very pleasant to him when he was there but afterwards they sprayed air freshener and pulled bad faces. You could smell this from the other side of the shop. It seems awful for the old man but also awful for anyone who was near him.

It is not always a choice, and getting to a shop does not mean you can wash yourself.
However, it does show that the person needs support they are not getting. There is a lady like that where I live who is a regular in cafes. She never dresses appropriate to the weather, has matted hair... and she smells bad. She has dementia.

Yes, I would want them trained out of that. It's unprofessional - if shop workers are professional that is - to pull faces while on the shop floor. They could be more discreet especially when spraying air freshener about too.

Who knows what the woman's problem was.

The only reason it wouldnt be a choice would be something like dementia which means shes being neglected.
If that was her husband which is more than likely or a neighbour or brother etc either they cant or wont care for her. Nobody should be smelling like that with all the available help.

You're right - I don't. But the OP describes them as "a couple", so I'm assuming there was something in their dynamic that gave that impression. Regardless, even if he was her brother/friend/carer, I don't think I could leave my sibling/friend/client in that condition.

I think it's bloody horrible having to deal with people who smell that bad, and it's pretty common that someone will come and spray perfume afterwards.
If the man was her relative or carer, I wonder why she is so uncared for?
Shop staff should have been more discreet but I'd be grateful they sprayed air freshener

“if shop workers are professional that is”

🙄

@Ketley67 As a retail manager, I would be very grateful if you reported this to me. I’d be furious if my staff behaved like this and I’d immediately be providing further training on such situations.

I’ve worked in retail for 18 years and I can assure you - we see a LOT of this type of customer. Far more than you’d imagine. It’s very sad. We don’t know anyone’s situation and it’s not our place to judge. All customers should be treated the same as far as I’m concerned (bar a few arseholes that I’ve dealt with in my time 🫠🤣).

Laughing and making faces behind a customers back with another member of staff is bad enough but directing it towards another customer is horrendous. Even in situations where a customer has behaved terribly to a staff member and the next customer has brought it up in conversation when it was their turn at the till, I would expect my staff never to make any negative comment or anything about a customer.

It's not always that easy. Some people, especially with dementia, refuse help, even from professional carers, and you can't force it upon them. You can encourage, try different approaches, but sometimes it just doesn't work.

Obviously we don't know whether she has dementia.

It rather undermines your hand wringing you know, that snide comment about shop workers.

I am just 69 and have started noticing some older people are looking very very neglected. Hair, clothes, shoes - people do notice don’t they. I didn’t wear my makeup one day and the bus driver asked if I was well! But it makes me sad, knowing how many are alone. The other day I was walking behind an old woman using a walker, she had filthy bare feet in crocs, skin in her heels urgh, greasy hair, a thin coat on a cold day. Then a man on the bus reeked of urine and BO. There are a lot of very old people with mobility problems so showering without help is possibly impossible.

They shouldn't have made faces and commented but it isn't nice to work somewhere that smells very unpleasant. I worked in retail and had to spray air freshener after a customer had left. I felt sorry for them but the smell was truly awful.

I understand people being professional but how many people telling you to complain would be happy if someone turned up to their office or workplace smelling truly awful and would they really not pass comment at all when they left?