Have you thought about your own funeral plans and preferences?

[treefan]

Hi all an odd one for you guys today.

Just thinking about my funeral plans to day that is already payed for.

I decided to go for a cremation for myself, no service no faffing no ashes no plaque,
No urn passed to anyone, ashes thrown in the momory garden after cremation.

Letter will be sent to 3 people if they are still alive by the time my time comes, to inform them of my passing.

I chose this way as when i look at graveyeards its sad that some graves have been left alone for decades and i dont want that.

Have any of you lot thought how you want things done, or have you already planned it.

Ive told some people over the years and they look at me as if im mad, no i want a huge send off, family can come visit me in the graveyard.
But what happens in decads to come when they pass and no ones around anymore to care for your grave.

I’m having a direct cremation, as is DH. My parents are too, in fact it was them who put the idea in my head. Funerals are a huge waste of money imo. DGS would have a lot more use for the money.

I have to have an Orthodox funeral. I'm not going to spend much on the coffin, flowers etc. though. I also don't want a see through hearse, just shove me in the normal body transporting one. No fancy cars for relatives either. I'll be buried. I'll pay for it out of my savings at some point.

Yes i would want direct cremation as well.

Funerals are weird. Last one I went to, as we were leaving the service, i saw the next one ready to come in. Felt like a factory of death.

Also it’s weird to have someone speak at my service that i have never met, but then not something i want relatives to have to do either.

Also who wants to plan a funeral when in mouring and I would also consider it a waste of money.

Yes, all sorted back in our 40's so family know what we want (cremation) and where are ashes are to go.
No paid for a plan, costs will come out of our estate and family can decide if they want a ceremony or not.

A good friend of mine lost a parent recently and they had arranged a Direct Cremation.
My friend hated it as there was no chance to say goodbye and the surviving (step) parent then dealt with the ashes exclusively, excluding absolutely everyone else.
She feels very bitter about the whole thing.

I've had to plan my funeral as thanks to cancer I'm likely to die in the next few years (I'm in my 50s). I have a young child and I think she will need some kind of way to say goodbye, but I don't want it to be a sombre service and I definitely don't want to be lying in a coffin in front of everyone.

I'm thinking of a direct cremation and then a memorial service with a tree planted - there's a lovely place not far from home that offers this. That will mean there's somewhere to visit that is a living growing place, rather than a depressing graveyard, and no requirement for upkeep.

Yes and my dc have known for years what I want. I want a cremation with only close family and friends, i would like each of my dc to say a few words, not a long eulogy, could be just literally 'goodbye mum', I would like a cardboard coffin if possible, i have even picked the songs i would like played. I want my ashes scattered at a local beauty spot by the sea, or on my parents grave, whichever my dc prefer.

I've signed the papers to leave my body to science. They'll inform my family when they no longer need me, cremate me then my family can either have my ashes or the Institute will scatter them in a local woodland cremation area.

If I'm not wanted/needed by the Institute, I want a no ceremony cremation with the local crematorium. No funeral directors involved

I will want to be buried with a religious service. I’m not religious now but when push comes to shove that was my childhood, and that’s who I am. If no one comes to visit so be it.

I've told my family I don't care what happens and I'm perfectly happy with direct cremation. Ideally I'd like them to organise something cheap and environmentally friendly. However I've also said they should do whatever they want and will make them happy because I won't be here.

DH and I want to be cremated and when the second pops their clogs, we've asked our daughter (only child) to take us to beautiful places around the world and scatter a few ashes in each spot. I don't know if this is realistic but it's what we both want.

I know what I want done but I also realise I won't be around to see it through, so......

I found my parent’s funeral and the traditions/ religious rituals really helpful in my grief so I wouldn’t want to take that from my family. Equally, these things are for the living not the dead so although I have my ideal situation (cremated and in an urn with my husband on my parents grave), I’ve made it clear to my kids that they can do whatever makes them feel better.

Nope. I don't see it as any of my business. Whether my loved ones want a full requiem mass or a direct cremation or anything in between is entirely up to them.

Always seems to me to be the height of selfishness to tell people how to mourn you when you aren't even there to care.

I’ve thought about it but at the end of the day people will do what they want. I’d prefer no funeral, and a natural green burial. But I can appreciate that those could both be quite upsetting and funerals are for the ones left behind.

Since Covid and the dreadful lockdown funerals people are more open to direct cremations. Before that it would have been quite rare not to have some kind of “send off”.

I want cremation but i dont know what company to sign up with.
Just a plain simple cremation no big deal nothing fancy knowone turning up ect.
From the morge to the cremation center ashes tossed in the memory garden the same day.
Done and dusted over with.
I`ll have to have a look about online.

I really don’t want a funeral. Dreadful waste of money

I want to be cremated 😊

Do you mean you want a (religious) Orthodox funeral, or orthodox as in traditional?

as nicely as possible - why though?

You won't be there.

A funeral is for those who are still alive so it should be up to them to do whatever works for them?

I'm just making sure money is made available from my estate so it doesn't cost my loved ones anything.

Right???

I've recently had to organise my DF's funeral with DM. He never wanted to discuss it and left no instructions/guidelines. DM felt that there should be a traditional funeral and in grief felt that she should do whatever was suggested by the funeral director/other family members with no consideration of cost. She ended up paying thousands for coffin, cars, flowers, service, funeral tea etc that was not something DF specified he wanted, didn't really seem to bring her any comfort and was just something she had to 'get through' then spend a significant part of her savings on. After the funeral, organising and agreeing the right wording for the grave stone has become a source of stress for DM and she feels bad that she is not well enough to visit the grave regularly. MIL has organised the funerals of several close family members who specified they wanted a cremation but no guidance on where their ashes should go so she has had them in her house for years as she tries to think of the 'perfect' spot for each of them. I'm sure it wasn't what they intended but it's become an ongoing worry for her, and she seems scared to scatter them in case she 'gets it wrong'.

With all of that in mind, DH and I have discussed that we both want our funeral etc to be as low cost as possible. Direct cremation with specific instructions of exactly where to scatter the ashes (with details of who to contact for permission etc) or bodies to medial science if they can be accepted. A small 'gathering' for family to get together to share memories as I think that is the only part of the funeral that is actually helpful. We will provide some suggested places to hold this but the only instruction will be that this is informal. low cost and no one is expected to speak unless they wish to- it's more about informal chats and sharing memories. The money that would otherwise be spent on a funeral we plan to leave to the DC with instructions to spend it on a holiday (together or separately) as family holidays are always our happiest times so this is a far better way to remember us than around a grave side. We don't want a grave/memorial place but will leave a letter mentioning places that we have been happiest that friends and family may choose to visit if they want somewhere to remember us.

In short- I do not care what happens to my body, or how family choose to remember me when I am gone but I do not want those left behind to feel an ongoing financial burden or obligation to visit/maintain a grave or carry ashes around.

I want as little money spent as possible, no need for any "send off". Would like decent refreshments served and good tray bakes for attendees. Buried, preferably without a coffin if possible.

I’ve been very clear to my kids (the adult ones) that I have no preference for burial or cremation or what else they do.

I’ve made sure there’s some money for it and left a note of 5/6 readings that I like and 5/6 songs that I like, that are updated.

a friend of mine’s mother made a very very specific funeral plan and it almost ruined her husband and children. They hated every minute of it, and her husband lost his favourite song as he can no longer listen to it. I think she’d be heart broken if she’d realised her very firm plans made it harder for them.

I’m leaving enough information that they hey don’t have the “what did she want?” worries but enough freedom for them to do what they wish.

Because instructions often take the burden of decisions off family, who often have different opinions on how things should be done.