Have you thought about your own funeral plans and preferences?

[treefan]

Hi all an odd one for you guys today.

Just thinking about my funeral plans to day that is already payed for.

I decided to go for a cremation for myself, no service no faffing no ashes no plaque,
No urn passed to anyone, ashes thrown in the momory garden after cremation.

Letter will be sent to 3 people if they are still alive by the time my time comes, to inform them of my passing.

I chose this way as when i look at graveyeards its sad that some graves have been left alone for decades and i dont want that.

Have any of you lot thought how you want things done, or have you already planned it.

Ive told some people over the years and they look at me as if im mad, no i want a huge send off, family can come visit me in the graveyard.
But what happens in decads to come when they pass and no ones around anymore to care for your grave.

Depends when I die because realistically, unless you're David Attenborough or the Queen you only get a big funeral if you die quite young. If I'm 90 chances are most of my friends will be dead and my relatives will be sick of me, so then I'd probably be better keeping it small.

I've written it all down in a document on the computer and told ds1, ds2 and dh where it is. The dc all have autism except 1 so I have asked for a direct cremation and then a memorial service if they want one. I want my ashes scattered over my miscarried baby's grave if the crematorium will allow it.

This, for me too.

My husband used to be an undertaker so we have discussed between ourselves what we might want.

Everything in place. Direct cremation. Everyone important knows and where everything is. . Will and LPAS up to date.

I just want it to be simple, cremations and my ashes put on the garden at the crem.
My parents have planned theirs and paid for them. My mum has even sorted photos of both her and my dad ready for the screens, she says it’s unfair to expect us to do that when we’ll be grieving. Both my sister and I will be speaking at both mum and dad’s, we both want to and are ok with public speaking.

I have given some thought of the sort of funeral I’d like, but haven’t planned or paid for it.

I remember discussing funerals with my father just after his sister died. He was firmly of the view that funerals were for the living, not the dead, so he said when he died we should do what we wanted. I think that is the right approach.

Personally I enjoyed planning my parents’ funerals, and I found them comforting. I hope my children find similar comfort doing the same when I die (my husband is ten years older than I am, so I am assuming he will go first)!

I'd prefer a natural burial. I've put this in my will.

Oh good point. I guess the funerals I've attended there has been one clear leader (spouse, or only child) so that's not come up.

DH and I were by the sea this weekend and I commented that when I die I’d like to be scattered by the sea. I did follow that up by clarifying that I’d like to be dead first, it wasn’t an instruction to push me off a cliff. He checked that I wanted to be cremated, not just chopped into chunks and fed to the seagulls.

Does that count as planning?

Tell him to make sure that the wind is blowing in the right direction when he scatters you otherwise it'll end up resembling a sit-com. Even in death my parents had the last laugh.

I think mine is covered by synagogue burial payments. I'll be buried in the cemetery the synagogue uses ASAP, there's no coffin, the funeral service is the funeral service, there's no music or readings or anything. I haven't any preference for the memorial, which doesn't come until a year later, but hell, it's not for my benefit!

More significant than the funeral is the 3-night shiva at the family home and the mourners (immediate family) manage that however they want - that's where they might add reminiscences, readings and so on (not music as traditionally you're not supposed to play any while in mourning, not that everyone does that). I would want my family to do that how they choose - I imagine some people might suggest what they'd like at their own shiva, but it wouldn't be usual.

I might let him find that one out for himself. Just for a laugh.

I'm hoping to be an organ donor. They can take what they want. I imagine my lungs and liver won't be used, but skin, bones, tendons etc can be taken.
I imagine that there won't be a lot left,so that can be cremated

Direct cremation, scatter my ashes somewhere nice. No fuss. It’s what we all do in my family.

I've organised a couple of funerals and honestly don't care what happens to me

Funerals are for the grieving, I'm not planning on leaving much cash so whatever poor soul ends up my executor had better take expenses!

I want direct to crem with no service and nothing done with my ashes. No official service but if people want to get together then that can.
We did a direct to crem funeral for my Dad with no service or ashes. We ordered it online. We said we didn’t even want to be notified when it was done but the crematorium did call us.
It was just what we all wanted and we are really glad we did it like that. All my family want the same.

Whack me in the cheapest coffin and burn me. Spread my ashes to the wind!

Reminds me of a convo I had with my lovely DF.
Me: “Daddy, do you want to be cremated?”
DF: “Not yet…”

My only requests are that I don’t want my ashes split up and I don’t want him to keep them until he dies and then some poor niece or nephew has to organise a house clearance and I end up on a rose bush if I’m lucky and at the tip if I’m not. The cheapest possible cremation, no funeral service or wake and my ashes scattered in the sea. DH knows I’d be so cross with him if he wasted our limited cash on a traditional funeral.

My mum is having a direct cremation. She wants her ashes scattered off Tower Bridge. I strongly suspect I’m not going to be allowed to do that, so it’ll either be a 3am drop where I end up being surrounded by armed response officers who think I’m a terrorist, or like the scene from the Great Escape where I’m dropping her ashes out from the bottom of my trouser leg 🤦🏻‍♀️

To have at least a very basic funeral is my plan.

My dad had a direct cremation and it definitely affected me and made my grief even harder to deal with. It’s something that still bothers me 5 years later.

My mum left instructions but we didn’t follow them. We did what worked for us and she’ll never know or care.

I have and let my family know. Apart from the music I would like at my funeral.

Remember that funerals are for the living. I’ve had people say in my office sobbing because their parents thought they were doing something useful by prepaying for a direct cremation, in fact their children felt cheated and I’ve helped them organise a memorial service. Speak to your loved ones before you prepay for anything, and if you do go ahead with a prepaid funeral plan do consider using a local firm so your family can upgrade to a service if they prefer. Also I’ve unfortunately heard pretty negative things about these direct cremation companies (not local funeral directors who can organise a direct cremation companies, they are fine), the national ones can have capacity issues and end up using the facilities at other firms or not picking up promptly! When you are adjacent to the industry you hear tales!

please whatever you do discuss it, loosing a loved one is hard enough without surprises

😅😅 I reckon it'll do.