They really are appalling. Drinking, rages, malicious interfering.
I have a husband problem but a major reason I haven’t divorced is that I don’t want to risk shared custody (not in the UK, in his home country).
SIL is middle aged and lives at home with PIL and is extremely controlling and has done things that could have seriously harmed DC (the details would be outing, but along the lines of ignoring a food allergy and repeatedly placing obviously dangerous items within reach of a very young child).
SIL has a diagnosed MH issue but no treatment or outside support. I do feel really sorry for her, but her behavior towards DC is frightening and meddling in our marriage malicious. DC have had no contact with their grandparents without controlling SIL there.
Husband a toxic wet lettuce who defends SIL and will scream at me. Everyone has to adjust to increasingly extreme behavior and partners/wives/husbands of siblings have to sometimes stay away from their house (it isn’t just me SIL has issues with - there wasn’t anything that kicked this off). Worryingly I don’t think there is any planning for the future.
We do have to see them on major holidays like Easter and Christmas at husband‘s controlling insistence and it has sucked all the magic and joy away. DC begs not to go. I back them up and husband then blames me.
I have tried being super accommodating in the past, but the malicious meddling continued and bad behavior towards DC. There are other siblings who are nice and we have a good relationship with and I really make an effort to keep that up for DC.
DC are old enough to understand there are issues and risks. And I have made it very very clear it is not their fault and we have talked about how to remove themselves from conversations.
I have been very ill and SIL will attempt to take DC off to things I obviously cannot join in with (not things DC would love to do and is missing out on, so this isn’t me against what could be positive).
Despite living close by we don’t see much of them. PIL are visiting soon and SIL will come with them.
Please please give me your best tips to survive the visit. These are mine if anyone else has to nudge similar:
- Not being tired so better able to cope with provocation and support DC.
- Doing some obvious nice welcoming things. It is so tempting not to put in any effort.
- I will keep a mental bingo card of SIL‘s most malicious and inappropriate phrases.
- My focus is on protecting DC from the inevitable chaos.
- Venting anonymously on Mumsnet.