I’m pregnant, second trimester and have just left an abusive relationship. It has taken me around 4 times of trying to leave to actually leave. No physical abuse, but bad emotional. One day loved me, next day hated me without reason. Would constantly put me down, tell me that he hated me and resented me and the baby, then the next day change his mind. It was awful. Would hug me and in the next breath say oh god why did I do that. Would game play, withhold money, that type of thing. Would sleep with me and say ugh after and shove me off. We’d been together years and it’s only been like this mainly since the pregnancy.
So after my self esteem finally hitting the floor, I left this time and this time for good. But it was bad before I left, I was literally at the point where I felt suicidal whenever he was near me and had also become frightened of his moods. He’d spent so long telling me I’d be a bad mum when the baby came I’d started to believe it.
so I reached out to my mum once I left, we are in contact most days and close. Her initial reaction was “you always say you’re going to leave and never do. You’ll be back there this week” I told her no, I’d reported him and seemed support from a DV charity. I then confessed to her that at my lowest ebb I’d had suicidal thoughts, had confided in my midwife and luckily when away from him don’t have them. She said “so you’d hurt your baby then? You’d be a baby killer? You obviously don’t love baby much if you’d been thinking about that”
I just hung up. She’s tried to reach out but I feel so disgusted with her. I’ve held her through many of her MH crisis and never judged. And she’s fully aware peri natal depression is a thing. I just can’t bring myself to speak to her again.
My issue is I’ve been told I need a C section and with her and my ex gone, there isn’t anyone but me. But I really don’t want her near me post partum.